please tell me i am not an awful mother

[spanna74]

Things have been pretty bad here since DD2 was born (she is now 5.5 months) and I am feeling like I don't have a very good bond with her.

She has been a clingy baby that cries a lot since birth, she is being treated for silent reflux which has been a whole set of probs we didn't have with DD1, is a dreadful sleeper and won't take a bottle so i still totally BF her.

The nights are still horrendous and I am getting to the stage where i feel like i resent her.

When I had DD1 I remember being overwhelmed with how much I loved her and just wanting to hold her and be close to her all the time and enjoying BF her. I haven't felt anything like that with DD2, her crying and sleep is wearing me down and there are points when I almost feel i can't stand the sight of her.

Please tell me this will pass and I am not a terrible mother, I feel really sad about this and am so worried that i am never going to feel the same about her like I did with DD1.

You are NOT a bad mother. You are exhausted because you are doing everything you can for your DC. Things do get easier (I have a 3.9 year old and 18 month old, so I know). My second DD was a poor sleeper and it's natural to resent them when they wake you constantly. It doesn't mean you don't love them.

Does your partner help to settle her in the night? See if you can get a decent night's sleep - it's amazing how much difference it makes!

DD1 had reflux and it got much better when she was on solids, so that's not far off for you either.

I really think you are just in the worst of everything at the moment and it will get easier. You are not a bad mother but you need to ask for a bit of help.

Sleep deprivation.
Normal.
It will get better, promise.
Get DH to give her a bottle of ebm for a couple of nights and you will be amazed at a difference 8 hours of sleep will do for your mood.

I remember feeling like this with DS2, he has always been a terrible sleeper and was incredibly demanding on me.

I don't think you do ever feel the same way as you do when you have your first baby, but that certainly doesn't mean you love them any less.

It sounds like you need a good nights sleep and a bit of break.

Do you have a sling? Do you co-sleep? Those the things that helped me to survive on a daily basis.

It does get better, I promise.

You're not an awful mother. This time will pass. It always does and over time, your baby will become more settled and you'll be able to enjoy time with her more. 5-6 months is still amazingly early on, although there seems to be this false expectation that you should get over the postnatal phase earlier.

But I think it sounds like you might be depressed (or sleep-deprived or both) and might benefit from talking to a GP or HV.

It will pass, I used to constantly wonder why I had dc4 as he screamed most of the day and night and I only slept because I fed him on and off all night in bed. At 8 months all of that seemed like a distant memory, he's just so lovely now....although still moans more than I'd like but I know he can't be silent!!

this will pass and you are not a terrible mother

honestly, it really will get better my ds didn't sleep well (still doesn't at 23 months!) and it is exhausting it's just as well he's #4 as if he'd have been my first child I wouldn't have had three more!

have you got someone who can give you a break? having me time away from the children, even if just to sleep makes things so much better I know people offer in the early days, but by the time you're a few months in, that's often when you really need the support - when you've exhausted all reserves you had an are utterly exhausted