please help, dd1 having bad dreams

[misdee]

she told me about her dream last night. she said that daddy took all his skin off to get his bad heart out. the heart turned to pink liquid and then melted (her way of describing it). then he couldnt get his skin back on.

what can i do? should i contact GP for some play/art therepy sessions? she is only 5. sher shouldnt have this much worry at her age.

I wouold, that sounds so distressing for a 5 year old to deal with, maybe just having someone to talk to who isn't involved would help her, like you have mumsnet?

one thing i could've shot my MIL for, was when dh was 1st in, i had spoken to hi on the phone before she went to pick him up and he said he was still waiting for his meds so could be late. she turned up to bring dd1 back, and i said 'peter said his meds....' and she cut in (inb front of dd1) 'tyhe meds arent working, without the transplant he will die!!' i calmly, said, 'peter said his meds might be late being done, so dont rush'. inside i was seething.

I don't understand misdee. Is your partner ill?

he is waiting for a heart transplant.

she just burst into tears. she said she had a funny feeling in her chest when she thougth about daddy and it made her sad.

please? is it gp i need to see? where do we go from there? how can i reqassure her more than i have been? do i just not 'explain it'. she is more aware of things than i thought.

misdee - try getting her a dream catcher.
Tell her it will only let the good dreams through. If she does have a bad dream, make a big thing of the catcher being full and needing cleaning (we shake ours over the toilet and flush the nasties away), then they still believe in the magic of the dream catcher.

A little psychology goes a long way even on one so young.

Oh, you must be feeling awful! That's a good idea SG. She's obviously going through a huge amount of emotion that she can't understand or articulate.

It wouldn't hurt to talk to the doctor if you felt you needed to. I'm not sure if he's say it was too early to consider counselling but it is an extreme situation for an adult, never mind a child to find themselves in.

I think you can just go on talking to her, if you can manage it yourself. Helping her put her feelings into words and tell her you feel the same. Do you talk about all the possibilities?

Sorry, this much be really hard for you.

I think avoiding the subject is the wrong thing to do. She obviously knows quite alot of what is happening. She'll pick up on your stresses too but I think IMO that this won't be too much of a bad thing if you explain how you feel.

I think she needs to know that the bad feelings she has are horrible to experience but they're perfectly normal and that you and dad feel them too. They're just too strong to try to sweep under the carpet.

I know that you can?t reassure her 100% and think I would be a mistake to. But if she can feel a kinship with you and perhaps her dad too it might help you all through this terribly stressful time. Pull together, talk and cry together, and try to laugh together a bit too.

My sisters and me were in a similar situation when we were young. How old is she?

oh misdee you poor love. I would try to talk to her about it by saying that dreams are not real they're just made up pictures that disappear when you wake up. I would speak to the GP though as the play/art sessions may well help. Is your GP sympathetic? and open mined to alternative therapies?

Misdee I have two dreamcatchers here, One DS uses and when the mornig sun hits it, it destroys the bad dreams (Ds' words) but you can have the other one if you want

misdee - maybe she could try and draw her dreams - and then draw some lovely things like Daddy with a new heart running in a race or something? Might be easier for her to express things in drawings and I agree she needs to get some of her feelings out, rather than keep them in and hidden.

Also see if anyone at the hospital has any suggestions. From what you have said there are quite a few young people in the wards with Peter, the nurses must have heard of this before. I think the idea of the dream catcher is lovely and justhope you all come out of this awful situation soon.

The hospital might also have a way of explaining the operation so that she can understand. Her dream sounds so awful because that's maybe the only way she can imagine the doctors being able to give him a new heart. It might reassure her to know they don't have to take all his skin off - I'm sure being told they'll just make a little hole in his chest, take out the old heart and put the shiny new one in and sew it all up is far less traumatic than what she's imagining (if not actually medically correct!!!). Big hugs xxx

Misdee has a dreamcatcher now, she took my spare one.

we will putnit up i na few minutes. dd1 is really excited by it. i told her the bad dreams will get caught in the 'web' and the good dreams will come through. when she opens her curtains in the morning the bad dreams will be go away.

dream catchers are a great idea. -but we used a favourate teddy as a dream catcher. if ds had nightmares it was because teddy was tired and ds came to the conclusion it was fair to share the dreams with teddy. he then started talking about them. our own therapy!!! he was 5 at the time.