Sharing - why is it such a difficult concept for my DDs to grasp?

[wishingchair]

I have one who is almost 7 and another who is 3.5. They now play together mostly quite nicely (although DD2 finds herself bossed around on a very regular basis, but she can hold her own). What really is starting to drive me insane is the sharing thing. We've always said that if toys are downstairs, then anyone can play with them. If they're special, they need to be kept out of reach. i.e. DD1 can't cover sitting room floor with her barbies and then say DD2 can't play.

DD1 can be a nightmare. She is not naturally generous. This is something we've been working on with limited success. She has a strong sense of justice ... as long as it is skewed in her favour! Anyway, there are constant arguments because DD2 has picked up one of DD1's toys "without asking". If DD2 picks something up, then DD1 leaps on it and tries to get it from her because it is "hers" ... even if she'd ignored it for days.

It is just so tedious. I don't know what the right thing to do is. Do I punish DD1? But how? Do I take the toy away from both of them (but is that fair on either of them)? Should DD2 ask everytime she touches one of DD1's toys? Should we re-brand all toys as being mine and DH's!

I really need a reminder on what is the right thing to do here!!

Ah, the joys of sibling rivalry...

Does dd1 share nicely at school/with her own friends? If so, I think this is more about sisters squabbling. Afraid this is not something you can stop. Every group of sisters I know, including my own, were fiercely competitive as children (and some still are as adults).

So no, sorry, don't have an easy answer for you! But maybe you could try rewarding dd1 for sharing, just to give her an incentive? Do you praise her when she does share - try to create some opportunities to share so you can catch her and lavish approval on her...

Yes I think she does share nicely at school. There's always a lot of drama around Janet being really bossy or Susan not talking to us. The usual 6-7 year old girl stuff to be honest.

If they're in the right frame of mind, they can play beautifully. Maybe I need to shift my mindset from thinking this should be the norm, to this is an unexpected bonus!

You're right about the praise. If they're playing well, I try to stay out of the way ... it's like when I'm there, they compete for my attention. Will keep dropping in good comments and consider a reward for good sharing. Kids.

Yup, they are competing for your attention when you are there! I used to tell my little sister 'I had Mummy all to myself for three whole years and you didn't'!

One thing she used to do was intervene in such a way that we would both gang up on her - encouraging us to form an alliance against her. Wasn't until I was grown up I realised she'd done this deliberately! But sadly cannot recall quite how it worked now. Vague memories of her separating us by sending us to our own rooms, and going away, so we'd whisper to each other and complain about how unfair she was?

Will they play boardgames nicely? Might be an opportunity to promote sharing as in taking turns - although depends whether the one who wins lords it over the other while the loser sulks.

We only have one, so perhaps you can discount this. I'm really aware how rare it is for our DS to see adults sharing anything. We really try to make a point about 'thanks for sharing' when we share treats and things with each other. I just feel that most adults have their own things these days so children don't have much in the way of role models.

that being said, I suspect sibling rivalry is always there