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Parenting

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Original poster

Why is being a mum such dirty work?

23 replies

grumblinalong · 11/12/2009 10:12

Seriously, in the last 24 hours I have:

Got a bath with a 2 year old and had to pull chunks of sick out of his hair,

Scraped up said sick chunks with a spoon out of sink after rinsing sheets, pillow, pyjamas, lion etc,

Wiped up huge amounts of poo,

Had my knee wee'd on,

Scraped up stuck on bits of porridge and weetabix from various surfaces,

Wiped up about a litre of snot,

Mopped up blood from a 6 year olds cut toe.

Does everyone else find parenting such dirty work? Is it because I've got two boys? Why doesn't anyone warn you? Sigh.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

TopanTail · 11/12/2009 10:14

MadameDuBain · 11/12/2009 10:19

I found something on the bathroom floor yesterday morning - couldn't work out what it was till I decided to sniff it. It was a poo-coated bit of sweetcorn that had escaped from someone's poo.

A few years ago I'd have been horrified - instead I just thought "that was relatively easy to deal with. Next!"

TinselianAstra · 11/12/2009 10:44

Because children are ful of poo, snot, and vomit.

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poshsinglemum · 11/12/2009 20:40

I used to find poo, wee, vomit and snot a bit gross.
However because they are dd's poo, vomit, wee and snot I don't find them too bad. I actually enjoy picking bogies out of her nose in the same way that I enjoy picking a scab. I like the slightly grotesque situations I find myself in. But then I've got completely potty since having dd. (And sad)

Nemofish · 11/12/2009 23:42

Me too poshsinglemum.

Dd sees me coming at her with a tissue and a manic grin and runs for the hills, shrieking 'Mummy I don't have any bogies!' (Oh how she lies).

roslily · 12/12/2009 10:46

I had a conversation with a friend the other day and we agreed how we don't changing clothes, except for poo. So i do spend most days covered in babywiped vomit.

I also love picking his nose!

GetDownYouWillFall · 12/12/2009 18:49

tinselianastra - you forgot the blood. They are full of that too. And it stains!

duende · 13/12/2009 17:54

the only part of our living room which hasn't been vomitted on is the ceiling

and roslily - same here, never change my clothes unless it's poo. so some days my top has sick all over it and my trouers have been peed on. how very classy!

BouncingTurtle · 13/12/2009 18:05

I actually enjoy picking bogies out of her nose in the same way that I enjoy picking a scab.

Thank goodness,not just me... though do you also wave it at said and say "look at what was in your nose!!!". Well ds (23mo) finds it amusing

BouncingTurtle · 13/12/2009 18:06

"said child"

Niecie · 13/12/2009 18:09

I was nodding along with the OP thinking that they don't tell you how horrid it really is or that there could be quite so many orifices to wipe bodily fluids out of, both living and manmade.

I still remembers with fondness and amusement the day 11 mth old DS1 did the most enormous squitty poo which DH and I watched spread up his body suit and down his legs whilst he sat in his highchair - after debating how we would get him up stairs to the bath without covering the entire house, DH picked him up under the armpits, legs dangling and I put his bottom half inside a plastic carrier bag to carry him upstairs. It worked, carpets remained clean.

However, I have to draw the line at snot and bogies. That is the one thing, after 9.5 yrs of parenting that can still turn my stomach. Gross. You're weirdos, you bogie lovers.

StealthPolarBear · 13/12/2009 18:17

i love pickking noses too - even keep the evidence to show DH sometimes
Also when DH looks at me in horror to tell me the baby's been sick and when i see it I just wipe it with a tissue!!

Rochel4 · 13/12/2009 23:35

I am rolling on the floor with laughter! You lot are so funny Glad to know I'm not the only one who loves to pick their bogies. DS1 draws the line at my picking them just as he is about to enter the school gates...now, if i just lift my finger, they run for the hills! Gosh, i miss it...
Poo doesn't faze me in the slightest, in fact, i think my babies poo is cute! And
yes, I've gone loony.

poshsinglemum · 14/12/2009 06:55

Yes- baby poo is cute. DD did a perfect one on the bathroom floor the other day.

Right I've completely lost it now. What a scintilating conversationalist I've become!

franke · 14/12/2009 07:07

lol at Niecie and the plastic bag.

I've told my lot that we won't be getting a pet dog - once dc3 is out of nappies I am never dealing with anybody's poo again in my life.

Oh yes, bogies rock, in fact some of them are like rocks

VerityClinch · 14/12/2009 21:41

I am constantly amazed at how such big boogers can come out of that tiny nose (DD, 6 months).

And I dealt with a full on armpit poo last week - up the back of her tshirt, up her neck into her hair, poo squishing out of the armholes of her bodysuit. There was not a single part of her to get hold of that was not covered in poo. AND that is when she decided to roll for the first time.

I sent DH a photo before I got on with cleaning it up. That's normal behaviour, right?

Niecie · 15/12/2009 13:47

LOL at Verity.

Entirely normal behaviour, of course. What are fathers for if not to be the ones to share those special 'firsts' with?

It will be one of those moments to look back and laugh about in years to come.

My mum still has a similar story to drag out from time to time about me and I am 43!!

notyummy · 15/12/2009 14:02

Whilst we're on the subject of poo....

Picture the scene. I'm in Starbucks enjoying a coffee. DD (12 months) is sitting quietly shredding some paper in the highchair whilst I read a magazine.

Time to go, I think. Oh! DD has dropped some food under her high chair. I shall pick it up, so i am not seen as the slattern mother who leaves a mess behind her. I pick it up. It is squidgy.....food, yes - but 'processed' food, if you get my drift.

Oh god. Where's the change bag? How can I get her out of the high chair without smearing poo all over it, and dropping a trail of shit from her back and bottom all over the floor on the way to the loo. Get her out, carry her at arms length (poo side away from paying customers) to loo. Proceed to strip her off. Everything bar her socks has poo on. She is (very ) mobile and is running round the loo as I pursue her with the 2 (count 'em!) wet wipes I have left in the change bag.

It is cold outside. She needs a change of clothes. Inside the bag is a full change of clothes....for a 3-6 month old baby (dd being a BIG one year old....)

Exit 20 minutes later. Large tutting line of people waiting outside the toliet. Startled looking dd desperately trying to breath in the bodysuit I have half poppered her into.

Ah, the memories.....

Niecie · 15/12/2009 14:21

OMG notyummy!

You have reminded me of a vaguely similar experience with DS2 at the Eden Project when he was 2.5. He had been a bit poorly but we thought after a quiet few days he was better. Apparently not.

In the hothouse dome thing I got a whiff of something from his pushchair. Had a look - poo. OK no problem. However, by the time we got out of the dome thing he must have done more because it was everywhere - up his back, down his legs, dropping from his trousers, in his arm pits. I am just grateful if didn't reach his hair although how it didn't remains a mystery as the queue to the loo was horrendous.

Thankfully we had wipes, and I was with DH although he was about as much use as a chocolate teapot and kept telling me to keep calm when there was huge queue and a mountain of poo to deal with whilst he stood back and watched. I was calm, just trying to be quick and engage in damage limitation. I can imagine you emerged red faced and hot from the toilet after all that - I know I did!

We had a change of clothes but they were also too small and the photos of that day will be a permanent reminder of the incident.

I spent the rest of the day on tenterhooks as he had used the last nappy with that particular effort!

Happy days although I couldn't quite bring myself to go back to the Eden Project when we were in Cornwall this summer and DS is 6 now!

Tootingbec · 15/12/2009 15:12

I have just spent the last 5 mins crying with laughter at the poo stories. Both my car seat and bouncy chair are like bio-hazard zones. I used to diligently wash them. Now I can't be arsed - they just get a vague pat with a damp bit of kitchen roll.....

ChairmumMiaow · 15/12/2009 15:29

DS likes to pick his nose with my finger when he's got crusty snot

nouveaupauvre · 19/12/2009 21:51

having just chucked a load of sick-covered sheets into the washing machine and carefully shampooed a sick-spattered teddy i feel your pain, and offer two things i learned the hard way:

do not use baby wipes to wipe something revolting off your nice linen shirt dress as you rush out the door to work. babywipes remove dye from some fabrics. you will arrive at work with a large, puzzling yellow area bang in the middle of your formerly green dress.
do not let dc become attached to any soft toy which then has to be in their cot on pain of death, if said toy is not machinewashable.
cashmere blankets given to newborns by doting aunts (who happen to be childless) are lovely, they really are. until said newborn projectile vomits all over dryclean only cashmere in fast lane of M1.

fruitsticksinyourstocking · 19/12/2009 21:59

I remember once DS1 did an enormous poo which squelched up the back of his nappy, just as he was coming down the slide in the park .

I had nothing with me - not so much as a tissue! I managed to do the best I could in the (deserted) park with a disgarded napkin and then had to do a runner.

I still have flashbacks.

I also went to the doctor last week with a bad shoulder. After inspecting it my doctor asked if I had a young baby. I was amazed he could tell that from my injury until he said 'thought so - you've got weetabix down your back!'

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