How long does pfb syndrome last? Or is once boasty always boasty ?

[jamaisjedors]

Gearing up for Christmas with the in-laws.

SIL has had totally over-blown pfb syndrome for 3 yrs now.

Thought it might have worn off a bit, what with SIL having had twins since.

Doesn't 1 DC - 3DC automatically supress any pfb-ness?

How much longer do I have to listen to SIL telling me how developmentally advanced her DD is, how TALL she is, how READY for school she is, how THICK the other children seem next to her....?

Please tell me this has an end, or give me some hints to deal with a week of it?

"there is simply no answer to nernerne ner ner without involving using the word ner in the response."

DH points out that "pbbbbbbbbbffft" is a perfectly acceptable response that doesn't use the word ner. But I think your overall principle still applies.

Also "meh", Professor

Ohhh, I've just remembered, me and my brother used to have whole arguments based on saying "Jim-Bob" and "Suffer" to each other.

Just do a MASSIVE sigh then change the subject!

Have a boasting tin.

Anyone caught boasting offensively about anything, including children, to put £1 in tin - proceeds to your fav charity.

They won't change and you just have to ignore it. Wears me down tbh and I end up downplaying whatever ds can do well. I wear my pride on the inside .

NOt sure a boasting tin would work. Ime the thing about pfb-ness is they genuinely think their dcs are the tallest/cleverest/most fluent in Russian etc etc and therefore wouldn't consider it boasting, more a statement of fact.

i think we should all boast about our kids. just say ''mine is fab too"

I would simply comment that every child should have parents who think they are the best/cleverest/most wonderful child in the world, and that it is such a sad thing to hear about unwanted/abused children. It would be making a reply yet not really addressing her comment or giving her the attention (which is often times the reason for such boastfulness) she is seeking.

Don't get drawn into a game, or try and make a joke of it (she doesn't seem like the kind of person with a sense of humour when it comes to comparing children) - it will only make you more angry.

But sofa queen if it is necessary to say what you advise several times an hour it does slide into becoming a game territory, surely?

Every time she boasts just look at the ceiling with a bored face, and say "thats nice" then immediately change the subject!

Just get into a competition - I have a friend who boasts about her ds (uses words like sensational, stunning etc) so I just freely boast about my dc to her. If challenged I would just claim it's just 'what we do'.

TBH this great British reserve (any praise for children is deemed to be boasting) is rather tedious because of course MY children are the best at everything (except sport, I'll concede on that) so the rest of you are just wasting your breath

Both of our two DSs are PFBs - they were just born two years apart so they wouldn't have to compete with each other.

The whole thing may well come to an end when the girl herself realises that a PFB mother is a serious threat to her street cred. My nephew, who - bless him!- has grown up a perfectly pleasant young lad, spends a lot of his time gleefully undermining his parents' boasts and exposing them in public. It is quite clear that he does this on purpose because he doesn't like what is going on but is too well-mannered to sulk.

Am with poshsinglemum and PasstheJamJim, let her boast. I like hearing people tell me they think their children are wonderful - doesn't make me feel insecure (I know mine are the best ). Rather that than this whole 'oh gosh, my children are terrible' British thing we have, or indeed the parents I see at parents evenings who tell me how crap their kids are and how they wish they'd never had them . I wish my mum had seemed so proud of me too.

Of course, there does need to be a level of awareness and I think the 'oh yes, kids are great aren't they' with a grin is a good plan.

You're obviously a nicer person than me Adair!

I find it really grates, it started with weight and height comparisons when our two were babies and now it's on to development.

Other posters are right in that she really won't see the funny side of this, I'm sure.

Luckily we live at different ends of the country.

Am also bracing myself for the "boisterous" comments about my boys, last time she said her DD had bruises which she'd never had before (because in the playground SIL had to let DD actually go on the slide and climbing frame because my two were).

Can't you be proud of your children without it becoming a competition though?

I am very competitve in other ways but my DS don't need to be THE BEST for me to love them to bits (not suggesting you think that at all btw!)

Well, actively critical comments about my dc would grate yes. BUT really, she is only saying them as she is insecure/defensive so try to rise above it.

Think 'yes...'

so she says 'my dd could write her name in the womb', you say 'yes, that's very clever'

she says 'your ds are very boisterous aren't they?' you say 'yes, and they're also very sweet too'

she says 'gosh, dd has some bruises she never had before' you say 'yes, it's crazy how many bruises they get and don't even notice. Good for them though, eh?'

'Yes' defuses the tension (and stops you feeling so negative and grrr... I know that feeling well)

Thank you. Good tip.

Actually I had a moan about this on here a year or so ago, and was told that she did the comparing because she was insecure or jealous, it hadn't occured to me before (never think people could be jealous of me !) but I need to write it on my hand or something to job my memory!

I do admit to finding it a little trying when SIL goes on at dd about her being too tall, 'and you'll want to stop growing soon, it's not nice to be too tall'- just because dd is taller than her son. As if there was anything dd could do to stop it. Besides, dd has a bad back and not v good posture, so I'm not particularly pleased to have somebody encourage her to stoop and slump.

it never ends. I am in my 30s and my mother now just says outright "second children spoil everything" every time my older sister makes noises about her PFB needing a sibling..