Can you offer advice on 9yr old tantrums please?

[Fruitysunshine]

How do you deal with your 9yr old daughter when she has a tantrum? She is getting worse with them i.e. We have had a change of plan tonight, we're going to get pizza in instead of eating out blah blah blah. She then goes into a HUGE tantrum because she wants to go out. If we decide we want some us time in the evening and put the kids to bed a half hour early, or god forbid she does not get an extra 10 mins staying up time then she goes into an almighty tantrum.

I thought it could be the issue of things changing but I don't recall behaving to such an extreme at her age and my son did not behave this way at 9 either. The problem is my 2yr old is beginning to mimic my 9yr old, it is quite strange really.

The way I handle it is like this: IF she has a tantrum I explain to her that her behaviour is unacceptable and she needs to calm down and talk to me about what is irritating her. If she does not then she has to go to her room and calm down. I then go up after about 10 mins and have a chat with her. The thing is these tantrums are frequent, she even comes out of school regularly with a scowl on her face if she sees it is the wrong one of us picking her up!

Bump

fruity - i too have a 9 year old, and he can be quite emotional. I think that you are doing the right things in dealing with them, but if they are a new, or increasing thing, three things occur :

1. how is school - really . Is it possible she is having friendship troubles or being teased or bullied. Does she get on with the teacher ? The reason I ask is that I recently discovered that what I thought was run-of-the mill teasing is actually him being bullied. Am dealing with it now, but wondering how much of his bad temper was him venting his frustrations.

2. Good old sibling rivalry. 2 year olds are a different proposition to babies - funny, cute, and starting to talk and make more of an impact on family life. Also 9 year olds are ready to make some more choices and have a bit more responsibility. Are you able to have time alone with her, doing something quite grown up, so she feels special

3. Hormones. I have boys myself, but i hear that girls are reaching puberty early now. Just a thought

Good luck

Hi, thanks for taking the time to offer your advice.

1. She has had issues at school with another girl which I went to the school about recently and the teacher has sorted out, apparantly.

1. I do things alone with her but COULD do more if I am honest. Just a matter of re-prioritising.

1. Aarrgghhh!! It had occurred to me but I put it to the back of my mind expecting to have another 2 or 3 years before all that kicked in!

Another night of tantrums - not wanting to go to bed, then refusing to sleep because she wants the door wide open - DD2 prefers it to be dark so I have a night light in there for DD1 which is quite bright. Already been upstairs once because she woke up DD2 with her noise.

Time, time, time.

I missed out 4) which could be - it's just a phase and she's being a madam

I hope it's NOT hormones !

There's a good book I got recently for my son, and it has also helped me to unpick the whole bullying thing, called
Bullies, Bigmouths and So-Called Friends - might be worth a read .....

If all else fails, do what I do which is to go into the kitchen and flick my DSs the V's/ swear soundlessly and strongly from behind closed doors

Teen/preteen tantrums are so common. One of my DD is like this, lovely at school, awkward sometimes at home, can throw a tantrum equal to any toddler. A good portion of her friends are the same (the other mums have told me). The book which helped me see this as 'normal' and how to deal with it is 'Get Out of My Life, But First Take Me and Alex into Town: A Parents Guide to the New Teenager ' Wow you should read it it will make you feel alot better!!

I keep a book in the loo for times when I just feel I need to escape from the kids for a bit!

She's 9 - I have 2 of them - as far as I can see from them and their friends, this is what 9 year old girls are like. Can't wait until they're 30!

I also have a 9 yo dd and she is very emotional at the moment.

I do think hormones are a large part 9 year old tantrums. I am fairly sure that my dd1 is not going through an early puberty, but that there are changes slowly happening in her body. She has not got breasts or pubic hair yet, but does get smelly arm pits if she has been running about.

She is also very much changing her relationship with her friends. They are becoming much more important to her now. She is in Y5 and is looking forward to secondary school soon, but also dreading it. She longs to become more independent, but also wants to be younger because everything seems scary.

Our flashpoints are homework and household chores. Basically anything that I want her to do which is not fun for her.

She can also get jealous of her little sister, who is 6.

May seem a tad strange but I feel a bit better! Will spend more time with her, give her more cuddles and allow her space to be herself more, if this is how 9yr old behave, who am I to stop her?!