Party invites how do I deal with this situation

[millymo]

Ds is having a 9th birthday party in a couple of weeks and I am beginning to wish I hadn,t bothered.
There is one particular lad in ds's class that ds is adament he doesn,t want to invite.
The lad concerned has played with ds at our house on a few occasions and although they have got on mostly thier relationship has been a little hit and miss at times.
Although ds can want a bit of this own way and can be a bit sensitive this other lad can also be a bit of a pusharound if thats the right word and has on occasions tried to rrough ds up a bit.
I have noticed that ds is not too struck on this lad of late and have decided thats its probably best to avoid any more playdates at our house although ds tells me that he only lets him come because he keeps asking.
Ds also has a best friend in school who is at our house alot and I frequently hear them both talking about this other lad saying they don,t like him and I think there has been a bit of stiring between the three of them the one lad against my ds and this best friend.
I think that ds may be slightly influenced by his best friend who prompts him to say he doesn,t like this lad.
However it seems that ds isn,t totally influenced by this best friend as I don,t feel that ds is too keen on THE OTHER LAD anyway really.
Ds and his best mate were around my house the other day and they both ripped up this lads invitation and said guess what he isn,t coming now and I told them that its not nice wto do that.
I have had alot of discussions with ds telling him that he should still ask this lad to his party to avoid any bad feeling as after all he has played at ours and ds has played at his.
Also apart from that I would feel really awful if he isn,t invited and embarrased to face the lads parenst as to me it woul;d be nasty to not give this lad an invite.
I have told ds that if he isn,t that keen on him then fine he doesn,t have to have him to play anymore but he should invite him to the party at least.
Ds is giving me such an hard time about this what should I do.

If it was a 2nd to about 7th birthday, I'd say invite everyone, but at 9, I think you don't have to include everyone if you don't want to. But again, if everyone in the class is being invited except this one boy, then you should invite him. The party won't be going on all weekend, right? And you have plenty of activities planned? And there will be other children for this boy to annoy besides your DS?

And if the boy starts misbehaving, you can send him to the corner for a while at your own party (I have done this at a party, and it worked -- has a high shock value). How much pressure is your DS's friend putting on DS to not invite the other boy? I would put my foot down, and say that this boy gets invited because you are paying the piper here. Your DS may be relieved to have someone else to blame for the other boy being invited.

depends if this is the only child that is not being invited.

It's totally fine to not invite children that aren't friends if you're having a select few round, but if its a whole class or all boys then excluding just one child is not on.

So depending on what kind of party it is I would say to your ds that it's either ok to choose or ask how he would feel if he was the only one excluded..