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Parenting

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Original poster

If you wanted to do something but knew your child would kick off - would you still do it?

18 replies

FabIsVeryHappy · 07/12/2009 14:38

All it is is I want the children to walk to and from school as much as possible but DS1 wants to be driven, some if not all the way. I want to walk as I think it is better for us but can't face the stroppiness from him - he is very challenging at the moment. And goodness, if it carries on very lightly raining you would think I had thrown him to the lions. He is 8 btw.

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Jem27 · 07/12/2009 14:53

I would make him walk with you, he should not think its ok to be stroppy and get his own way, that gives a very bad message.

If my DD gets stroppy about something then I always give a warning that if it carries on then Ill be giving a punishment, and after a few times of having pocket money docked/TV rationed etc now she has got the message and doesnt tend to act that way.

I never mind her giving an opinion and sometimes its taken on board but I am a big believer that I am the adult and the final decision rests with me (and DH).

Good luck!

Acinonyx · 07/12/2009 14:56

I pick my battles - and if this was one I really wanted to win, then yes I would. Actually dd and I do walk to school everday and she does often ask to go in the car, especially when she sees other kids going in their cars (some from the same street...).

This will work best if it is a real, 100% rule and there is NEVER the option to drive. That's how we do it. Dh is also forbidden to take the car on the occaisions he takes her - which means he walks back to get the car and then drive to work.

I had a battle like this when I stopped carrying dd at 3. But if you absolutely consistent, they will get passed it.

MaryMungo · 07/12/2009 14:57

Make him walk now, so he gets used to it, or you'll just be pushing problems down the road. Much easier to deal with 8 and stroppy then 14 and stroppy.

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gizmo · 07/12/2009 14:59

Make. Him. Walk.

I really feel for you about the stroppy 8 year old - by God they can poison your day. But fundamentally you are his parent and giving in to his stroppiness is only going to prolong it. Perhaps a calm discussion with him about it to understand why he doesn't like walking and maybe to come up with some ways to make it more fun/bearable might help. Or it might not, in which case you're just going to have to grit your teeth and threaten sanctions, I'm afraid.

ThumbleBells · 07/12/2009 15:00

tell him he will have to pay for the petrol out of his pocket money then - and send the rest of it to an environmental group as penance for using unnecessary fossil fuels and adding to the greenhouse gases.

See how he likes that idea!

RhubarbLikesAnyOldFucker · 07/12/2009 15:02

My 5yo tries this on all the time. I walk them to and from school even though we now have a car. In bad weather he whinges and drags his heels but I take no notice.

When he whines too often (about not being allowed to watch TV, not wanting to go for a walk at the weekend, not wanting a bath, not wanting to eat his greens, etc) I say to him very firmly "This conversation is over!"

That usually does it because if he carries on after that then it's punishment time.

I wouldn't put up with it from an 8yo. Make your decision, be firm and stick with it. Once he realises you are not for moving he'll have to accept it.

They test you and try you, but you must not give in, you need their respect and if he thinks he will eventually get his own way by moaning, then he will moan until he does.

Mongolia · 07/12/2009 15:02

The stroppiness should subside after a few days.

CarGirl · 07/12/2009 15:05

Yes in those circumtances I would force him and punish the stroppiness if it was at an unacceptable level. A moan is tolerated anything more than that is not.

ScarlettCrossbones · 07/12/2009 15:15

Fast forward 20 years, and (this is what I imagine in the worst-case-scenario!) he could be an overweight couch potato, reluctant to walk anywhere and storing up health problems ... yes, I know this is a little paranoid, but walking to school is one of the non-negotiables for me! We're actually moving house next year largely so that DS can walk when he starts school. Drive them from the age of 4/5 and that's what they'll expect for the rest of their lives; they'll become "little commuters" and forget their legs are there to be used!

Good luck!

ThumbleBells · 07/12/2009 15:30

good point scarlett - and I can vouch for that with my totally non-representative sample of one family - I always walked and cycled to school (unless it was absolutely dreadful weather) until I was 18. I am not particularly fat now.

My bro and sis were driven to secondary school (only a mile away, they could have cycled) nearly every day and both are now morbidly obese.

Lauriefairyonthetreeeatscake · 07/12/2009 15:33

Is he almost old enough to pop him out the door on his own and tell him to walk to school

at least then you wouldn't have to hear his whining

Original poster

FabIsVeryHappy · 07/12/2009 15:59

We used to walk every morning when he was 4. I suppose I found that easier to do as it was easier for me - him walking, toddler in buggy and baby in sling was better than faffing about getting 3 kids in and out of a car and one of them into a sling and one in a buggy. It is a combination of me being lazy, them not wanting to walk and sometimes having to go off quickly.

Thank you. This has really helped me as I often thing I am making the wrong decision or things harder for myself.

He is sat with me doing his homework, enjoying my home made choc and orange muffin. Being lovely.

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chegirlwithbellson · 07/12/2009 16:03

Do it. Honestly it will be worth the short term pain. I will seem like hell for what seems like ages. When you look back on it you will realise it was only a short time.

He will be going to secondary in a few years. He is going to need to get himself there. Think of this walking with you as practice for later on.

I sympathise. I was all smug about DD and DS1 until we got DS2. He is a whole different ball game! I do avoid some situations with him but not anything that I really want to do.

colditz · 07/12/2009 16:07

Enforce it. No further choices.

You could get him to ring a local taxi firm and ask how much a taxi will be - tell him he's welcome to pay for it himself from pocket money. He'll probably get one taxi ride a fortnight!

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 07/12/2009 16:12

if your choice is to walk then walk

children, within reason, are meant to do what their parents tell them to do

'tis life, and the more we shield 'em from it, the stroppier they get

I always get "awww, muuuuuum, I hate you/bad mum/you are killing me/insert ridiculous over-exaggeration of choice when we walk

we usually do drive, tbh (better logistically as I head off to work afterwards) but on a nice day we walk home and that folks, is that

deaddei · 08/12/2009 08:38

Make hin walk- definitely.
And I'm sure your school has a walking to school initiative- tell him the teacher would like it too.

Milkmade · 08/12/2009 08:45

Can you offer a third way out e.g. cycling or going alongside you on a scooter etc?

I always try to think of things like these as I would a business negotiation - when someone has really laid their position on the line, if you're going to get them to do a 180, it's a lot easier if you offer a face saving way for them to do so. Otherwise its just a power battle, and yes there are times with kids where that's how it has to be,esp of safety / dearly held principle type issues, but generally easier if avoided.

(that sounds far too smug compared to the reality of my interactions with my dds but it's what I aspire too...)

Original poster

FabIsVeryHappy · 08/12/2009 12:28

I am sure they would love to go on their bikes but 2 on a bike and one on a scooter fills me with dread. Maybe they could take it in turns.

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