One of my Stepsons has leukaemia, and the other one keeps telling him he wishes he would die. How should DH and I deal with this?

[citybranch]

My eldest DSS (they don't live with us) is 11 and has been battling leukaemia for over a year, thankfully he has responded well to all the chemo and it looks like he's nearly out of the woods.
He has dealt with everyhting so well and has been able to go back to school (started secondary).

Younger DSS is almost 9 and whenever they are at our house and start bickering, younger DSS without fail starts saying he wishes DSS1 had died/would die. He goes ON and ON about it. This has started happening more and more often. It absolutely horrifies me because we don't speak like that in our house. Our DCs are pre-school and we try our best so that they don't hear any disagreements etc.

I always ask him politely not to speak that way because I am not in a position to discipline, DH usually ignores it but it is becoming so frequent now we're not sure what to do.
DSS1's illness has inevitably caused upset for everyone and I'm guessing the attention his illness has got is making DSS2 feel left out/forgotten.

DSS1 is very upset when his brother says this to him, the atmosphere changes afterwards and DSS1 becomes withdrawn.

How would you put a stop to this, whilst being considerate to how both children must be feeling? It's ruining our weekends and possibly having a long-term negative effect on the DSSs and also our DCs.

When a child is dx with luekemia the whole family's life is turned upside down and inside out.

The focus is almost entirely on the ill child. Its unaviodable.

I dont know what sort of luekemia your DSS has but it sounds like ALL if he is still on treatment (last 3 years).

Your younger DSS is likely to be in a total turmoil. It is likely his mum spent long periods of time in hospital with his brother, often at short notice. He will be worrying that his DB is going to die, feeling jealous about all the attention he is getting and feeling guilty that he is feeling jealous.

Contact Clic. They are great. Ask them about the Hole in the Wall Gang. They provide adventure breaks for siblings and my DS loved going.

I feel so much for that little boy. I pretty much abandoned my boys when DD was ill. Their lives were utterly disrupted and myself and OH changed so much. We really really tried our bests but I know we were dimished as parents and our boys suffered.

I wish both your DSS all the very best and am sure, with the right help, you can sort this out.

Give them both a bloody great
hug from me.

Utterly awful situation and my heart goes out to you all. I've only read OP but why aren't you in a position to discipline your step children when they're in your house. I guess you and DH must agree on a policy on how to respond (am sure CLIC will advise) but when a kid is in my house they are expected to live by our rules. (Eg be polite )
Hope this resolves itself amicably - quickly!!

Just noticed all the crap spelling in my post. Diminished.