BFP for planned no. 2 - why do I feel so worried?

[Winterfrost]

Have got a 10mo DD & just got a BFP this week. DH & I have been talking about when to TTC #2 and agreed that the end of the year would be when we would start. Well I guess I was thinking more December/Jan so am quite shocked that this one has almost crept in in Nov without actually trying IYSWIM. I know the night it happened, I thought OV had been and gone a few days before (obviously not).

Its ridiculous but I keep wanting it to be December or beyond to get pg in, it's only 4 weeks than when it could potentially have happened "officially" in December so why do I feel have such an OMG feeling? I don't even feel happy, just worried. I've just gone back to work too and things are sort of settling into place.

Now all of a sudden I feel guilty towards my DD like I've cheated her out of time together and should have spaced it better so she would be older than 17m when the new baby arrives. DD has been a lovely baby and that's partly why I feel like I'm cheating her somehow, like she deserves better than to be moved along for the next one so soon. Its really hard to explain. All I can say that if I could turn the clock back to that night I would have not had it happen, is how I feel now. Will it wear off? Has anyone felt so "OMG" initially then got used to it?

DH is delighted by the way and is a great dad to DD, so I'm not worried about coping as such, although I'm slightly worried about money, and space (small house). I feel like a cloud has come over me and yet it's what we wanted - I never wanted DD to be an only child plus I'm 38 so not exactly lots of time left but even so.

Any reassurance?

Bump... need to talk!

Lots of reassurance.

I felt exactly the same way with ds. DD was only 6mo and it was planned in a roundabout can't be arsed with contraception type of way.

All of those feelings I had, but they do pass, and all the issues relating to time with your daughter will niggle, but when you see the brilliant times they have together, you'll realise that this is the best thing you could have done for her (IMHO as a lonely only).

Its just your heart and your head processing it all, and its different from last time, because this time you know what you are letting yourself in for.

It will pass. And now, I don't regret it for a second.

Thanks for your post mistletoe . Its very early days, I guess I just need to give it time to sink in. Its been quite a shock

There's only 19m between me and my sis, and 18m between DH and his bro, so our parents must have managed to get through somehow! Plus there are people who have far smaller gaps. I will get my head round it eventually (well, I'll have to!)

You will. And there are threads aplenty on MN on the benefits of small age gaps.

Its a shock, but in a few months you'll just be chuffed to be pregnant

I could have written this 6 weeks ago!

We decided to try but then I sort of decided that actually it would be better to wait til after xmas. That way I could have a nice relaxing drink at xmas, lose a bit of weight etc etc.

Then I got a BFP.

Also suffered with those horrible feelings of cheating on DD. Like I was saying she wasn't enough for me.

I'm 9 weeks now and it's started to sink in a bit. I'm not as excited as I was with DD, but I think that's cos I know what's coming in terms of childbirth and the first 6 weeks!

Starting to get excited though and looking forward to my scan.

I'm sure you'll start to feel happier about it soon xx

I am pg with no. 2 with a much bigger age gap and really, really wanted to get pg - and yet I still very shocked and anxious and "what have I done" when I found out. I think it's normal. Second time round is different when you have a relationship with your first child and you worry about what it will be like.

IME it does settle down and thought it may take a while you will get used to the idea. (and congratulations!)

Thanks, Ghouls! It's good to know it's not just me, I feel like I'm going mad for everything to be "in place" and planned, then when it actually does (albeit slightly quicker than expected) I have gone into a panic

I also was thinking about the Christmas element ie being able to relax with a few drinks etc then I feel I am being shallow.

Cannot believe I am pg. I have been tracking ov too in preparation for TTC and my temps went up as usual that morning which to my knowledge indicated that OV had passed at which point it's too late to get pg. We did the deed that night and I remember thinking I was cutting it pretty fine but as temp had risen conception wouldn't happen.

There's a little part of me which is excited but it's buried ATM. Hope it comes out in the following weeks/months