How can I help prepare 20mo DS for lots of change (move, new childcare)?

[megonthemoon]

We're moving house the week before Christmas to a different area. This means that my 20mo DS will be going through lots of change:

• saying goodbye to his home and having to get used to a new one
• spending a couple of nights at his grandparents without us for the first time while we move (he's spent one night away from us both before but in our home)
• saying goodbye to his nanny who he had a really lovely relationship with
• having to get used to nursery for the first time as he will start nursery by our new home straight after Christmas

All this will be on top of the usual upheaval of Christmas with either visits away or people visiting us. I wanted to be moved and have him settled in nursery well in advance of Christmas but our crazy chain hasn't made that possible!

It seems like a lot of change for one little boy at an unsettling time of the year. Is there anything I can do to help prepare him? Maybe books etc as he loves them or showing pictures of house/nursery etc, but also anything obvious I should be doing about routine or things I do in the house before and after move that will help. Do you think it matters if we go away for a few nights with him over Christmas to visit family, or would it be better for him to spend every night in the house once we move so that at least is constant?

Thanks!

We had a similar situation at the beginning of this year when we combined a house move with me going back to work and DS starting nursery.

DS was then 10 months old and settling in sessions at his nursery really helped. Will you have these? We had three, on consecutive days. On the first, I stayed with him for an hour; on the second I left him but stayed in the building; and on the third I left the building and tried to go shopping. He started properly the following week. It did take him a while to settle but that may have been his age (he was very clingy) and he is now fine. He also now takes in a favourite toy, which really helps him. Some nurseries don't like this but it may be worth a thought if you think it would help your DS?

Could your DS have the chance to stay at his grandparents for a night or two some time before the move?

Other than that, my only suggestions are to move him into a house that is an unpacked as possible (presume you are planning on this, hence staying with the grandparents), keep to his routine as far as possible once moved and perhaps (first suggestion notwithstanding) let him "help" with some unpacking. My DS loves loading the washing machine, putting his toys in the toy box and food into the pantry (oh, OK, and taking it out again ).

Good luck. I'm sure all will be fine. I found the worrying beforehand much worse than the reality.

All I think you can do it try and keep as many constants as possible in terms of routine. Make sure he has the same cereal for breakfast every day, lunch at same time etc. In an ideal world then I agree with you, it'd be easier to stay at home for Christmas and get relatives to visit you if possible, DD gets disrupted with trips like that at the best of times without everything else going on.

There are quite a few books about going to nursery, my local library has a selection, maybe try yours? I think nursery settling is easier at this age as they can get involved with all of the fun stuff, make sure on the first few sessions you go when they are doing stuff as certain bits of the day (drop off and pick up times) can be dull and won't distract/engage him as much.

I'm sure it'll all work out, good luck!! You must be so excited.

We moved overseas when dd2 was 20 months but to be honest we were so focused on dd1 (coming up to 4) that we didn't really think about dd2, just assumed she was too young to worry about! I would agree with the others, try and stick as close as possible to the normal routine, once you are in the house I would stay there rather than go away and then come back, decorate his room as close as possible to the old room as soon as you can, and definitely do the settling in days at nursery - I wouldn't even consider just leaving him on day one at that age.

Good luck. To be honest you and his dh are the most important constants in his life at this age - as long as you are there for him that is what matters most.

Thanks all. This is really helpful!

He has stayed at his gps a lot, once without me but still with DH, but he has never stayed there on his own. He is at least very familiar with them (adores grandpa!) and talks to their photos every night and sees them regularly. So I'm hoping that will be okay and I'm just worried about it more in the context of everything going on than just that on its own. We are talking about keeping him on the night before and they take him first thing on move day, but as the packers are in that day the house will be emptying out and it may be more unsettling for him than being away for 2 nights IYSWIM.

I think I'll aim to get the house straight by the time he comes back or else completely close doors on things (we're fortunately moving into a much bigger house than now so we have relatively loads of space for not very much stuff!) I'll get his room as sorted as I can with pictures on walls and stuff before he comes back.

Sariska - loving the idea of getting DS to unpack as he loves tidying! I think I'll leave one box in his room so he can help unpack his teddies and find new homes for them. That may help him feel a bit more settled in his room.

His nursery settling in is the first week in Jan and I'm actually off work for 2 weeks then to settle him in / get house stuff straight so we can take our time over that.

I think it's just the cumulative effect of lots of changes rather than worrying that any one individual change will upset him. He's a fairly unflappable little boy in the main, but I'm stressing about how unsettled I'll be and I at least have the mental capacity to understand and compute what's going on!