My 3-yr-old is being a ratbag. Please give me your twopence worth.

[MaMight]

This all happened in the last 30 minutes. It is fairly typical.

Dd is 3.5.
Ds is 19 months.

Ds has just been handed down a pair of wellies from a friend. He was playing with them. Dd put on her wellies too. All a good game until dd decided ds wasn't allowed to play with his wellies any more, and took them from him to put them up high out of his reach. Ds sobbed. I interviened and quite nicely told dd not to take ds's wellies away, and that it wasn't her job to decide if he was allowed his wellies or not.

Dd started shouting that he couldn't have them. Refused to give them to me. I took them from her with not much scuffle, at which she was so cross that she scratched ds all along his forehead (she made her hand into a sort of 'claw' and dragged her fingernails up over his eyebrows and into
his hairline).

I said "Right dd, go to bed" and sent her to her room. (It is actually nap time (different time zone) and she is being a bit of a wretch because she is tired).

(This is the second time I have sent her to her room today - the first time I carried her and she punched me in the face twice).

I went up and said that I was very cross and disappointed, and that ds was extremely upset that his big sis who he loves could be so mean to him (for the most part they play nicely and get on well). Told her that she could stay in bed and that I didn't want to see her until she had had her sleep.

She's been downstairs since and appologised to ds and given him a kiss. I still sent her back to bed and told her to go to sleep.

I can hear her awake clattering about up there. Although she is tired and needs to sleep, she is quite likely not to go to sleep even if I insist it is quiet time for the next couple of hours.

I'm not sure what to do now. If she comes downstairs and it's all over and forgotten I feel she has got away with it rather lightly. But I can't think of an appropriate consequence. Oh I don't know.

I'm upset that she's being such a horror. I don't know if she's just being a bit naughty and I'm over-upset about it, or if she is being really naughty and I ought to do something about it, but what?

What do you think?
What would you do?

does she really need a nap at that age?
what about a dvd?
or go for a drive in the car and see if she nods off?

This sounds so like DD and DS, when she is like this we send her to her room just until she has calmed down enough to be able to talk to her and apologise. Sha doesn't nap any more. Sounds like you handled it very well. Does your DS nap? If so instead of her going to her room are you able to just let her play quietly downstairs while you get on with doing some stuff?

What big said, my dd had definitely dropped naps by that age. Maybe you could spend the time when your ds is napping to do something special and 'girls only' with your dd.

Lol.

Yes, I realise that everyone elses child had dropped their naps by this age. I am assured of this often. They're all different though, and dd really does need her nap.

Without it she is rancid from 3pm onwards, refuses to eat, rages until she is sick, generally falls asleep by 5pm and then wakes up at 3am the next morning.

She needs her nap.

Hmm, if you really believe she needs her nap you will just have to be firm about it. Maybe stay with her until she falls asleep? (Assuming your ds is asleep too).

I have the same age gap as you and do remember that stage being very hard - ds becoming more of a person with own opinions, dd seeing him more as an equal, both wanting my attention, rivalry etc.

Sounds like you are doing all the right things. Keep persevering and it will get better, although maybe not for the next few months!

I had to get out at least once a day, even just for a walk, to the shops or park or wherever.

Just a thought too - if your dd is maybe a bit jealous of ds getting attention, or new wellies or whatever, maybe don't talk too much to her if she has done wrong, or let her see it bothers you. I would just take her upstairs straight away for really bad things, or give her until count of 3 to stop minor misbehaviours. She will know it's wrong to scratch her brother's face, you don't need to give her a warning for that imo.

My ds used to nap for 2 hours after lunch - I made a deal with dd that if she let me get on with things for the first hour and she sat and watched a DVD, I would do whatever she wanted with her for the second hour. Even if you can't do this right now, your dd might drop her nap soon.