Which parenting style do you follow?

[KTNoo]

I am really interested to know. I have read many parenting books, from Unconditional Parenting to 1-2-3 Magic. I can see good and bad things in all of them.

What I would love to do is parent by instinct. But I seem to have landed somewhere between these 2 (imo) extreme approaches.

Just wondered what others think/do.

I love the UP appraoch of looking for the reason behind the behaviour, for example. But when I'm in an airport with 3 troublesome dcs I just want them to stop shoving each other and stand nicely and wait for the man to let us through passports. And 1-2-3 magic works, it really does. But I wonder if they will all feel I didn't love them (ok a bit dramatic but you get my drift).

Which way do you all lean?

The tries-hard-but-sometimes-can-be-a-bit-irritable-and-not-behaved-quite-as-I-would-have-liked-to-in-an -ideal-world school of parenting.

I mostly improvise and often screw up.

Me too, Broken Arm, but now I'm in danger of my dcs going "Ok so which one are doing this month?"

I find it so hard to go with my instinct. It's like I want to change a lot from my own childhood, but at the same time I'm not quite ready to say ok so that was rubbbish let's do it my way.

I do the muddle through, benign neglect, pick your battles, good enough sort of parenting.

I think I have turned out to be an attachment parenter - no plan to just the way it worked out - what ds seems to need.

Also this quote means a lot to me and really sums up what I feel about being a parent - although it does sound a bit hippy (but then I guess I am )

'Your children are not your children
They are the sons and daughters of life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which
You cannot visit, not even in your dreams.'

Khalil Gibran

Quite surprised by how many say they follow attachment parenting.

We use the 'labrador method' on our DSs.

Feed, water, loads of exercise, plenty to keep their minds occupied, clear boundaries. Always there for them when they need us and discreetly keep an eye on them when we let them off the lead.

I like it ABetaDad. I have also been advised to treat my ds like an energetic puppy.

Wouldn't it be good to fast forward and see how your dcs felt about your parenting?

I love the idea of UP but find my dcs are so wild and rambuctious naturally that they might need firmer boundaries? If I let them argue wth me, for example, there would be no end to it. I can stop the arguing by being extra firm. UP would (I think) listen to the arguing and talk about better ways of asking etc. 123 would say you can't talk to them as if they were adults and arguing is them just trying to manipulate you and you shouldn't feel bad about insisting they stop and giving time-out if necessary.

I really like the Calmer, Easier, Happier Parenting method as taught by the new learning centre. I have been to a couple of their talks and like the book "how to be a better parent". However I don't follow the plan as I should, unfortunately my parenting style is more benign neglect combined with angry and embittered slave.

"Wouldn't it be good to fast forward and see how your DCs felt about your parenting?"

We do occassionally ask DSs (age 9 +7) what they think of us as parents.

They just laugh and say 'its fine'.