how can i help dd (2.4) to speak up for herself?

[ilovetochat]

dd is 2.4 and speaks very well in full sentences and is very confident at home, not just infront of me and dp but infront of friends/family/hv when she recently visited. but when we are out if someone says hello to her she justs stares at them and then people keep saying oh is she shy?
she goes to a swimming class and is confidnet physically but cries when the instructor picks her up.
she goes to an early years drama class to boost her confidence and is quiet but joins in and after several months has taken a shine to the instructor and tries to sit by her.
she did a library class and grew fond of the librarian and would sit on her lap for stories.
basically she takes a while to get to know people and then she is very confident and happy.
im worried people will think she is rude/very shy and im worried she will be overlooked at nursery next year if she wont speak up.

One, a decent nursery won't overlook a quiet child.

Two, this is normal and a good thing. The fact that she is shy at first but eventually is confident and relaxed around people she comes to know are safe means that she is well attached and behaves appropriately around others.

I wouldn't worry about it. I would never think a 2yr old rude for not saying hello.

She is still a baby.. my DS is 2.6 and while an extremely confident chatterbox at home is far more reserved when out and about. He will say hello sometimes and thank you etc but im not bothered if he doesn't. I think you need to chill out a bit and let her go at her own pace.

She is a baby, give her time. Her social conficence will come in its own time.
I think we expect too much from very young children (well, I know I did with DS1, and probably 2 and am trying v hard to let DS3 "come on" at his own pace).

She is obviously doing fine if she is speaking clearly and confident when she is with people she knows and loves and trusts. The rest will come.

I was going to say just about exactly what SoH just said.

she's still little and has got lots of time to build her self confidence.

i think lots of children take a while to get used to people before they can be confident with them

probably the best thing to do is to not make it an issue. she won't be ignored at nursery and certainly won't miss out. the more you raise it as a problem the more anxious you (and she) will get.

how about just going to playgroups etc rather than organised classes - there is much more freeplay which will encourage your dd to become more confident rather than feeling 'forced' to behave in a certain way iyswim?

DD is a bit like yours. She's 8. If we are out together and an adult attempts conversation, she will look at them, but not speak. Or she'll look at me, as if wanting me to speak for her. Drives me nuts!

If I am not with her, she's liable to talk the hind legs of whichever adult she can attach herself to. I love it when she's in her flute lesson and I can hear her merrily chatting away to her flute teacher - given that she won't say a word to him if I'm around!

This is all by way of saying, please don't worry about your dd. Mine is doing very well for herself in all sorts of ways, even if she drives me mad.

i have just started taking her to a toddler group but she just drags me to easel and paints, drags me to table to do jigsaw etc and if a child comes over and takes her pen/jigsaw she just lets them.
i do the activities as she enjoys joining in and is physically confident and very happy and tells her dad all about it so i hope this will increase her confidence.
i know she is only young and i dont want her running off with anyone but when people ask her how old she is and she blanks them i end up answering for her and im fed up of hearing is she shy.
im glad you said she wont be overlooked at nursery.
i was a quiet child and last in every queue and did feel overlooked.
in a small group of 3 or 4 she will talk but in a big group, especially when there is a louder child who answers every question, she withdraws.

thanks purpleturtle,

I withdraw and shut up when faced with a gobby loud person, so really can't blame your DD for doing the same My DD is much the same age, and sounds very simillar tbh. I honestly don't think you have anything to worry about - she sounds lovely.

ilovetochat, IME experience kids are around 3 before they play with each other, and not alongside each other, IYKWIM.
She may turn out to have a quiet personality and pressurising encouraging her to be someone or do something that's simply not her, could undermine her confidence further.
Like with most childdevelopment related things, follow her lead and she will show you what she needs.

thanks, i am probably overhtinking things as usual.
im a sahm and dont know many people with little ones to invite them to play and my friends dc are at school.
so dd only mixes with kids at activities.
she seems to attach to the instructor after a while and like to be with them, maybe cos she is used to be with me 1-2-1 a lot.

Is she your first child?

My dd1 was very articulate but quite stubborn and complicated (that's the only way I can describe her) - not shy - socially. I expected far too much of her. Looking back, I can't quite believe it.

If you can, try to relax and think how young your dd is.

yes she is my first and as she talks so well i do expect a lot of her i suppose.