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Original poster

Father Christmas dilemma! Adults only!

23 replies

Sallyallyally · 27/11/2009 09:03

Ok..my DD 9 found out yesterday that the tooth fairy wasn't real. (she asked!), and I have a sneaking suspicion that the question about the jolly old soul in red may be on the horizon. I know a lot of kids at school already know, but DD has really enjoyed the magic and frankly so have I. As she is nearly 10 I have a policy of honesty (although it took me a while to get away from 'special cuddles' to something more factual when her little brother was on his way!), but I want her to still be able to enjoy the whole magic of Christmas.She appreciates the Christmas story and message, but I'd still like to hold on to that little bit of sparkle. Any suggestions on how to truthfully answer the question but not dampen her spirits?

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weegiemum · 27/11/2009 09:05

I'll be 39 in 2 weeks and my Dad has never told me anything other than

"If you don't believe in Santa, don't hang up your stocking".

Its what I told my 9yo dd1 last year when she asked and she says it herself with exaggerated winking, but understands the sentiment - Christmas is fun, and don't you dare let on to your little brother and sister!

weegiemum · 27/11/2009 09:06

... and I still hang up my stocking .....

Original poster

Sallyallyally · 27/11/2009 09:23

Does it still get filled up with presents, or does it get whisked away by the housework fairy?

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morethanyoubargainfor · 27/11/2009 09:40

i have told my DS 7 a similar thing, i just said he is like lots of things, some people believe and some people don't. I hav etold him it is up to him to believe in what he wants. If he believes in father christmas then i am sure he will visit.

He has decided he does believe, so thats fine by me.

iheartdusty · 27/11/2009 09:43

there seems to be a few years where they know but don't want to know, IYSWIM. My DD said sadly "I do hope it's true, at least there could be one magic thing that is real".

I like weegiemum's way of putting it.

chopstheduck · 27/11/2009 10:01

We do like weegiemum. My dd is also 9, and tried to say 'but he isn't real' this year.

I said, 'aha, no presents for you then' in a winky kind of way, and she got the hint. She is rather enjoying playing along with it all.

I will be taking her to see Father Christmas for probably the last time this year.

Original poster

Sallyallyally · 27/11/2009 10:15

How about the hard question that I'm bound to get..which is 'But is it actually you and daddy who buy the presents for the stocking?' It leads to all sorts of complicated tangles!

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chopstheduck · 27/11/2009 10:24

Well we've been caught out like that before, and so they think we buy them and father christmas delivers them anyway!

Vivia · 27/11/2009 18:46

My brother - now 20 - put it brilliantly as a 9 year old:

DB: 'Mum, is Santa real?'
DM: 'If believing in him makes you happy, keep believing'
DB: 'I don't think he is real'
DM: 'That's ok too'
DB: 'Look, you have to tell me. What if I'm a big man with my own babies one day? What if I'm 40 and I think Santa's real and he isn't? My children will get no presents!'
DM:

leamac · 29/11/2009 18:46

my son is 10 and is is only half believing, however I have an 18 year old and when she was that age I told her that the other kids really did believe they were just acting big by saying they didn't, this bought some time and by the time she was convinced that he wasn't real she was old enough to understand the whole magic and sentiment behind it, i will never admit to my kids he isn't real as the magic of him just changes with age. we all hang up our stocking and we all enjoy playing along for the younger kids.

Disenchanted3 · 29/11/2009 18:47

WEEGIE that made me

helpYOUiWILL · 29/11/2009 20:23

sallyallyally - i have told our son that all families have their own arrangement with father christmas. So, some parents buy the gifts and send them to him for him to bring if the children are good, others send him money and he makes them in his work shop or from the shop if the elfs cant make them, and with other families F.C buys all the presents - which is why some children have lots of presents from him and other children only have a few.

merrilyverily · 02/12/2009 13:26

i told my dd (now 15)that as long as you believe in FC, FC will come, and when you don't then m+d will take over. I don't think this satisfied her terribly around about 10yrs, but I liked it as an answer. She eventually asked her dad when I wasn't there if FC was read and he said, 'Do you really want to know?' 'No, he's not.' We now have a 2 yr old and dd1 is determined that dd2, when she is able to understand will not be fed a line about FC, as she said it was horrible to find out it wasn't true. I think we possibly kept it going for too long, but it seemed to be the norm in her class.

TheInvisibleManDidIt · 02/12/2009 13:31

Posted on this earlier today. Ds1 sat me down last night to tell my he knows Santas not real. I asked if he was upset or feels differently about christmas now. He says he doesn't, that christmas will always be special.

Lol viva!

gladders · 02/12/2009 16:11

i'm pretty sure as a child that i had it worked out way before the age of 9 but played along.

today's 9 year olds are so grown up - i can't imagine they really believe that one man flies round the whole world on a sleigh driven by reindeer delivering presents???

dorisbonkers · 02/12/2009 16:15

If so, how does it work for you if you have more than one kid, or are pressed for time, or just knackered and dealing with a tantrum in Sainsbury's.

How do you deal with other people's criticism? I'm talking close friends and family -- everyone else can sod off as far as I'm concerned

How do you deal with praise? How do you still convey pleasure and surprise and wonder?

Does your partner get it as much as you do?

And how do you deal with other situations, such as school or nursery, using a different approach? Just accept that it's often a rules-based world out there?

And a personal question, if I may. What made you think of this approach? A reaction to your own childhood or did you come across it in a different way?

dorisbonkers · 02/12/2009 16:16

sorry - ignore last, misposted

UniS · 02/12/2009 19:18

Toddler group had a visit from FC today, afterwards talking to DS ( 3.8) about it he said that today's FC was real AND pretend, and he thinks parents buy the presents and give them to FC to deliver but children with no parents, FC gets them presents.
So I'm not much the wiser about my kids belief or otherwise in the existence of FC.

edam · 02/12/2009 19:23

lol Verily!

Like your answer, Merry. ds hasn't asked the question yet - he's only six but I know some kids at school have been discussing it. When he does, think I'll have to play it very carefully, trying to work out whether he wants a factual answer or to be reassured...

Buda · 02/12/2009 19:26

DS is 8 and has asked twice this year "is Santa real or is it just you?" to which I have replied "do you think I would buy all those presents for you?" and he thought not!

I reckon it is our last year though. Sad as he is an only child so nor further pretending for younger siblings. Although lots of younger cousins.

merrilyverily · 03/12/2009 00:39

hi buda - i sympathise - although he can make it magical for the younger ones, something kind of goes out of the fun when they know it's you!

SolosScrapingUpForXmas · 03/12/2009 00:46

I let Ds know that the tooth fairy wasn't for real after he found his teeth...I also told him the truth about FC when he gave me a sideways look this summer...thought I ought to anyway as I didn't want him teased at secondary which he started this year.

cory · 03/12/2009 07:24

I said to mine that though on one level I know Santa isn't real, yet on another level I still believe in him when we stand there waiting in the dark (Swedish, so slightly different customs) and I enjoy it just as much. They need reassurance that the world isn't going to turn into a dull place without enchantment. We still had Santa during all the years when I and my siblings were grown up and there were no children.

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