It takes a village to raise a child

[genghisthecat]

True or false do you reckon?

I grew up in a place where everybody knew everyone else, and if you were seen doing something they'd either say something to you, or grass you up to your parents. It kept us in line.

Nowadays is different, mostly. With the media examples of children killing adults who've taken them to task, and all the PC stuff about childrens rights, who in their right mind is going to tell them off??

The police say to leave bad behaviour to them, but complain when nobody does anything about what they see, they can't have it both ways.

I think it would be great if we could still live as we did as children. We now live in a village and I love the sense that there are so many people who know my kids and I hope would look out for them. DD1 is 6 and DD2 is 2, so they aren't alone really yet, but I think it keeps them safe and as you say I hope it will keep them in line

I think parents are less stressed and able to parent better when they have support around them, so from that point of view yes.

True. I have commented on the fact that people don't seem willing to discipline or challenge other people's children before, including on this thread yesterday (last page)

Its not just about disciplining or challenging though - I think children benefit from strong role models outside the family - particularly boys (maybe that's just because it's all I konw!).

Hopefully when they are teenagers there are other adults apart from parents to whom they can turn for advice and guidance. I clearly remember having a strong relationship with a friends mother who I often turned to in times of family angst and strife.

oh genghis is this a new idea you have had?

corn alert

I can see the advantage of this but I am far too much of a private person to live in this way.

Kammy I agree - the disciplining and challenging thing was just foremost on my mind after that other thread.

My DSs go to cubs and beavers - and the leaders there are great mentors.

I certainly believe this, or rather the sentiment behind it. My church in Paris held that it took a church to raise a child, whether that was supporting the parents or dealing with the child directly by either supporting them or telling them off but that sense of community was really important. My other adult role models kept me sane when I was a teenager and I dread to think what my sister would have done as a teen if she hadn't had 2 women that she knew through a community playscheme to keep her on the straight and narrow because she sure as hell didn't want to listen to my parents or anyone else in our family.

We're far too isolationist these days so the support networks aren't there, the emphasis on what society expects isn't there and the collective wisdom isn't there (which is one reason online 'communities' such as MN are increasingly important').

OTOH I had a friend who so believed this that she frequently let her children wander around at social gatherings assuming that everyone else would make sure they stayed out of trouble. We all did our best but the dcs in question were quite, err boisterous and many comments were made about becoming unasked chaperones.

jabberwocky So was that a bit like "it takes a whole village to raise my child for me"

LOL, yes!

Okay DanDruff it's not a new idea - I just think we may have lost sight of some of the benefits of community. I so agree about the role models thing too. It's one of the reasons I'm so glad my kids spend so much time with their grandparents (that and free childminding obv )I'm quite a forceful person and it's great that they spend time with people a little more chilled out than me. Not expecting other people to parent for me, but I like thinking there are lots of people who care about my kids (as I do about other kids I know)and who my kids value and respect too

True