How to handle "go away mummy" from toddler

[TheLemur]

My DS 2.3 has been telling me to "go away" for a few months now. Fine I thought, he wants some independence to play without me breathing down his neck so I left him alone

However, at the weekend I was with my friend and her older DS 3.3 told her to "go away". Admittedly it was a slightly different situation (I didn't catch it all but he was tired/grumpy) but she told him off "You do not tell mummy to go away!" with a raised voice etc

So it got me thinking maybe I should not allow my toddler to tell me to "go away"? I did notice he told me to "go away" the other day when I was preventing him from playing with the hot oven, and I obviously did not leave him on that occasion but I didn't tell him off either.

What do you think? Is it something I need to nip in the bud now incase he uses 'go away' to get up to mischief or it turns into an impolite habit?

Not a big deal I know, I'm was just interested that my friend had such a different take on this to me

Really? My 28month old tells me in a serious tone to 'back away mummy, back away' if he wants to play alone (or more likely, if he senses that my approach means an unwelcome nap or bedtime beckons). No idea where he picked it up from but I just think it's funny. Whether or not i cooperate depends on whether the reason I want him is something that matters or not.

I think you're doing fine, after all you know your child best and imho making less fuss works way better than the raised voice and "You do not...." approach.
DD still does this at me - she's 3.10, I employ selective deafness strategies and sometimes say something along the line of "that's not a nice thing to say" but without making a huuuge deal of it. They all try the 'go away' thing, and stop it sooner or [in d's case] later!

I don't think you (or she) needs to make a big deal about it - as they get older and more able to communicate, they can start to say "thanks but I'd rather do it myself" or some other more acceptable phrase. At 2 or 3 "go away" is about as "subtle" as you can expect them to be, when they're cross about something.

As long as you weigh up the situation and decide when you;re going to "go away" and when you're going to intervene, I don't see any problem with letting him say it that way.

I think there's a difference between a "request" to go away because they want to play alone, or a rude/mean "go away".

I think your friend needs to relax. Toddlers can be little divas. Its ok. Leave them to it.

Ds does this - but more a rude "go away you are getting on my nerves/I'm cross/you've just told me off" kinda way. Sometimes I ignore it, sometimes I tell him he would be sad if mummy went away as there would be no-one to look after him (Granny will is usual reply ), failing that I go upstairs and leave him for a minute or 2 - until he thinks I have gon away and gets a bit worried.

He's 2.5 btw.

I guess he's just learning to express himself - he is a little monster at times - far too intelligent for his own good.

I think you dealt it right. Sometimes children will do or say things if you tell tehm dont.
Wait and see what happens. Sometimes they go throught phases. DS 2 yr old went throught holding index finger up, and telling me "Dont you"
Thats what i often do with DD 4.5 yr old. He now stopped, i thought it was funny,though.
Relax, and enjoy him.

I wouldn't worry about it at all. It's good that they are able to communicate that they want to be left alone at the moment. Unless it is a really angry thing - but then that would probably be the toddler's personality I think rather than anything worse.

When I cuddle and kiss DD1 she says "no no no! no cuddles mummy, no kisses" but she has always been a very independent little soul. She does let me cuddle and kiss her though while she says no, and has a big grin, and she will come and snuggle me off her own bat.

They're just trying to assert their independence I reckon.

Thanks everyone, I will carry on as I am!

Yes I agree there is a difference between an angry 'go away' and a request to be left to play alone, and that toddlers lack the ability to communicate subtley! So I'll take it on a case by case basis and see what transpires. I like the selective deafness thing too!

This was just one of those moments when you see someone else doing something entirely differently and you suddenly loose all confidence in your own method!

Oh they happen to me all the time lemur, and always when I'm least expecting it!