No 'authority' with one year old...

[ElleRaiser]

I getting a bit worried about the difference in the way my lovely DD1 (12 months) acts with me compared with her CM and with DH. Basically, my own mum was laid-back and since I have had DD1 I have discovered I am pretty much the same, while CM and DH are much firmer.

The result? DD1 is quite whingey and demanding with me about things that aren't an issue with them - being fed with a spoon, rather than (attempting to) feed herself, for instance. Nappy changes. Being expected to play solo.

I feel a bit mixed about how much more demanding she is with me - I used to think it was just because I was mum. Now, my confidence is really wavering...

Argh, I think I sound like a loon here. But, really, why is she so much "a totally different baby" (to quote DH) when I am there?

My son is like this as well, and it's hard. Exhausting, in fact, especially the wanting attention from me instead of playing alone - and always when I need to cook, or do laundry, or wash up, too. But then when I was bathing the dog today this little person, who can't yet properly walk, snuggled up and leaned his whole body against my leaning back and tried to cuddle me. He doesn't do that to anyone else, either.

When I was little my CM and Mum's friends used to joke that I always told Mum what a crappy day I'd had as soon as she saw me, when I eagerly chatted about nice things with them. They thought I was trying it on. In point of fact, I was a proud child and such things were to me private. I wanted to tell my Mum, and get comfort from her, not anyone else. It actually used to really upset me that she told them - I didn't know that wanting something private was normal, yet.

All kids who are securely attached will try it on more with Mummy than anyone else, IMO. They want a reaction from her more than anyone else. They're turning into toddlers, and trying their limits out on us first. Daddy has that in store! (He better, or I want a refund! )

Hmmm, that makes me feel better. I am happy to take all DD can dish up - but it's a weird feeling to suspect you might just Not Be Very Good At This. Certainly, DH is much more confident than me, and I guess that helps.

Your DS sounds lovely!

My daughter (15 months) is the same - she's fairly happy mostly, and always with other people (grandparents, aunts) to the point where they are really shocked if she does get stroppy. But with me she can be very hard work, won't stop fiddling with things when I tell her not to (and turns and laughs and does it again and again), hits me in the face, tries to bite my hands etc. It's almost always when she's tired, near the end of the day, and that happens to be when I have to cook or sort out her bath and things, so it's harder to cope with.

But often all she wants is a cuddle, and she seems to get worried if she tries it on too much and needs reassurance that I still love her. Someone on MN said in another post that they will push us because they know we will still look out for them, and still love them, so it's a safe environment to try out new behaviour, and I think that's right.

I also think that it shows we're doing something right that our kids that are happy or easy for others to get along with - it's mostly down to us that they are that way, rather than difficult with everyone. So you can't be that bad at it!