Terrified of having another child

[sleepybeck]

Hello all,
I have a 20 month old son who I absolutely adore. He was planned. Before I gave birth to him, the thought never even crossed my mind that we would ever have another. However, lately, many people have been urging me to have another, saying things like "it's cruel not to have another child". While I realise it would be beneficial to my son to have a sibling. I am petrified at the thought. My son was a huge shock to the system. Breastfeeding was extremely painful, with repeated bouts of Mastitis (I was doing it correctly). My son had a particularly difficult time teething. Even now we are lucky to get 6/7 hours of broken sleep per night (he has never needed as much sleep as most babies). I know I sound very selfish but I have fully embraced all aspects of motherhood and have always coped well with the harder moments. We are very lucky to have such a healthy, happy little boy. I just really don't want to go through it all again!
I have heard nothing but horror stories from Mums who have a toddler and a baby. Is it so bad not to have more than one child? I should also mention that my neice is the same age as my son and they are very close.

Morning,
i completely understand your fear of having to young children any mother would(ihave a 4 and half yr old boy and 9 month girlI found my first was my most stressfull as i had no idea at all what i was doing,the second how ever is so so much easier,im so laid back so in turn she is. Make things easier on your self second time round. Dont breastfeed,if you find it stressfull and painful,millions of kids dont get breastfed and it doesnt do them any harm. Get ya hubby doing as much as poss. Get involved in playgroups,baby singing groups. Or dont get pregnant yet,its your choice.
Try not to get stressed with something that hasnr happened yet,enjoy your son you have now.

hi sleepy

don't listen to those saying it is 'cruel' to have an only child. It seems to be rife, this attitude of it being selfish to have one child. It is not selfish, at all. Nor is it cruel.

Your son will have plenty of interaction with other children/teens/adults throughout his life, they do not have to be his siblings (plus there is no guarantee that siblings will get on - my DS1 & 2 are testament to that!).

You do not sound selfish. It is clear you love your son and you love being his mother but that your particular journey has been a tricky one and one that you do not wish to repeat again. People should not judge you or punish you for that.

There are pros and cons to having more than one child over having one. There are moments where they all want a piece of you and you feel that you are spread so thinly so you are see through and there are moments where things go well and you wouldn't have it any other way. That doesn't mean that either family set up is wrong, just different.

You should do what is right for your family (you, DH/DP & DS). It is nobody elses business.

I have a 13 month old DS, similar to you, 4 rounds of mastitis even though I was doing it correctly... I too have embraced every second even through the painful moments and love being a mummy to my DS.
I had a difficult birth and still think about it sometimes but I love him more than anything in this world. He sleeps ok now, not great, but it's not even going through all of that again that makes me not want another child.
DH and I just want one child. I too am so sick of hearing people say how "cruel" it is to have "just" one child.
You're not selfish at all. You sound like a fab mummy. Enjoy your DS. Don't let others dictate that you need to have another.
If someday you decide you want to, that's different. But personally, I see NOTHING wrong with having 1 child. I don't know why people say this so much.

Apart from anything, 20 months is so young. He's just a baby.

I can't believe people don't mind their own business.

There are plenty of MNers with only one child - have a read of the 'only child' topic. Lots of us are very happy with our small-but-perfectly-formed families (I'm an only child who has an only, btw.)

I have 3 girls and a 5 year gap between the first 2 and then a 16 month gap between the middle and the baby. I love having two so close. I only ever wanted one child and although it is hard with 3, I am so pleased for DD1 that I have given her 2 sisters. Best gift you can give a child is siblings but that is just my opinion, I don't think it is unfair to only have one child.

Thanks for all your responses. I have to tell you, it makes me feel much better to know that it isn't 'frowned upon' not to have a second child. I will bear in mind what you've said ki28. Perhaps when my son starts school in few years I might feel differently, although can't see it happening...lol

Don't have another under duress, for God's sake. You're the one who has to be pregnant / give birth / endure sleepless nights and ultimately be responsible for another child for the next 18 years, so only go for it if it's something you really want.

Having said that, I had a very similar experience as you first time round. Motherhood was a shock of epic proportions to my poor system. I swore blind I was sticking with one. Broodiness struck when he was about 2 and a half yrs old. Finally had another when he was nearing 4 yrs old. Going from one to two was a piece of piss compared to going from none to one. Even contemplating a third

Give yourself time and space and see how you feel, but ultimately - go with your gut.