Anyone not knocked for six by the arrival of their firstborn?

[beakysmum]

Or know anyone not knocked for six by the arrival of their first child?

I ask following a conversation with my brother and his wife(ttc) who have been invited to spend Christmas day with a couple who are good friends of theirs. Which would be absolutely fine, until you know that their friends are expecting their first baby any day.

I said I thought it unlikely that these friends will actually host Christmas day for six with a brand new 3 week old baby. My brother said, "Not everyone is knocked for six by the arrival of their first, you know".

Was it just me who was overwhelmed in the first few week?!

I wasn't knocked for six, frankly.

It would be more politic to say that I spent the first six months of DD's life in chaotic disorder but it wouldn't be true.

I think there's a reverse condition to PND - post-natal euphoria. I had a real energy high (and I've got plenty of energy normally) so I was totally hyper. Spent lots of time with DD but you know they sleep a lot when they're newborns. Went to the gym every day, lots of walks, house sparkling, did a bit of work. I remember hosting a lunch for family and stuff in the first couple of weeks and I'm sure there were over a dozen people there.

There's no merit in it - it just sometimes takes people that way.

Tricky to know in advance how any individual is going to react.

I wasn't knocked for six after the birth of my first. Things were ok.

I went a little mad after the arrival of my second though.

Whether or not your brother's friends are knocked for six, I think it would be kind for him and the other guests to really muck in - taking the prepared veggies with them, precooking some of the trimmings and taking them too, making sure the house is left spotless before they leave etc. etc.
He shouldn't wait to be asked - he should just v. firmly offer...

Wouldn't it also depend rather on how used the friends are to cooking for 6? I actually don't see cooking Christmas dinner as any harder than cooking any other kind of meal. It's needn't be more than a roast, and a microwaved pudding, really.

Hmmm, agree with poster who commented that they should make sure tha invitation issued my mother to be, not over-enthusiastic husband. Thing is that men often just don't SEE the things that need doing IYSWIM? So the woman ends up doing it. Plus she doesn't know how bf is going to go; she might have a newborn latched on mor or less permanently/mastitis/be knackered/inhibited by bf in front of people.

I personally think it would be inconsiderate not to make it very very clear to pg friends that I wouldn't mind at all if invitation withdrawn at 11th hour, plus guests would do majority of prep/clear up.

Oooh yes! DD 4 months now and whilst I have hosted visitors and sunday lunches, they were not in early weeks and not as elaborate as Christmas.

Knocked for 6 - certainly. Will it get easier - no idea. Found it easier to cope with sleep deprivation early on (hormones I think) but after 3 months onwards I've felt particularly knackered.

So glad to have seen this thread!!
Was beginning to think I was only one!!

Lots of friend have also had babies in the last year and they've turned into these strangers who go on about how easy and fab it is to be a mum and I've felt too scared to tell anyone that I'm absolutely knackered and have felt knocked for 6 since the day she arrived.

the thing I find strange about your brother's comment and their friends' attitude is that they can't possibly know what it will be like after the baby arrives. Not just because they are first time parents, but because the birth could be very long and/or very hard. She could end up having a C-Section. The baby might not feed well, the mum might get mastitis (I got this at 3 weeks despite finding the newborn thing fairly easy, and would have cancelled Christmas full stop at that point had it been December!), both parents might just be exhausted. They won't know until it arrives. Obviously fingers crossed for them that none of these things will happen! But it's why most people about to give birth don't tend to make plans to host meals for friends in advance of the baby arriving.

It makes me sad reading this as the first 6 weeks were some of the worst of my life. I wanted someone to take him away or me away. It was horrendous.

He is now 11 weeks and I am not sure about christmas.

Ha ha ha to the "they sleep loads as newborns" my ds screamed for the entire first night at home, and it took a week before he slept more than 20mins at time. He mostly screamed.

I longed for an experience like Quattros'. In fact I honestly thought that would be me, pushing the baby along in the Bugaboo with my latte, glowing...

Boy that couldn't have been further from the truth. DD was a xmas baby and it all just passed me by in the despair of it all . Fine now though...

I agree so much with the comment that no-one knows just how it will go after the arrival of a new baby. Maybe fine, maybe not.

I wish people were more aware of what CAN be involved in giving birth and looking after a new baby. Then people wouldn't walk into situations like this apparently unawares, where things could be very difficult for a number of reasons. But I guess this is how society is set up now, where most of us have no experience of babies before our ow.

I know some people who believe that because they have succeeded in most things in life before, by sheer determination they will have the birth they plan etc etc. Unfortunately being organised and capable doesn't necessarily carry over in to managing a baby. I worry that these friends are like this.....

Roslily: you have my full sympathy and I think that of a lot more people out there. I so wanted someone to help me just for an hour or two in the first few weeks. I couldn't understand why, when I was prepared to care for the baby 24/ 7 for a weeks at a time, other people wouldn't take him for just an hour or two. It still makes me angry thinking about it

I was a wreck for the first 3 weeks. I could hardly even talk to people when they came round let alone host a dinner!

DD is 6 months now though and we're having whole family round for Christmas - can't wait!

We could have done this easily enough after our first - we had no real problems and her sleeping settled down into quite a civilised pattern after about a fortnight. Our second, who woke up every hour for months, would have made it significantly harder but our third has been fine and we did some big meals within a few weeks.

Not everyone is knocked for six but it is impossible to predict.

I was same as YanknCock btw - horrible pregnancy so newborn is doddle in comparison.

I found the newborn stage pretty easy and blissful, each time including the first, but I agree it's pretty stupid to assume you'll find it like that. Noone knows whether they'll have a terrible birth, and/or a non-sleeping screamer.

It does seem a bit naive to offer to host Christmas dinner, but maybe they think inviting a couple of good friends over will be quite relaxing, and easier to be at home with all the baby stuff around. We tend to be quite casual entertainers, I would just order in a load of easy food and drink if we had friends round with a new baby. Perhaps they're like us and have low standerds of hosting. You can always nip off for a nap if things get too much, if you're at home.

DS is almost 11 months and I can honestly say that the first 6 or so weeks of his life was a doddle (even having had an EM-CS) - I stupidly thought that this motherhood malarkey would be easy. Then PND took hold.

Erm... well I'm fairly sure I wasn't knocked for six, dd1 was very parent friendly as a baby, we soon felt like she had always been there, couldn't imagine life without her. HOWEVER.....there is no way I would have felt able to entertain guests just 3 weeks after giving birth, especially something as big as Christmas, thats crazy!