Advice on bilingualism for a 3-year-old

[Triin]

Hi!

I'm looking for some advice on how to improve the speech development of my 3-year-old son. I'm Estonian, DH is English and we are living in Luxembourg. DS goes to a French-speaking nursery, so he has three languages to contend with - Estonian and English at home, French at the nursery. DH does not speak Estonian. I have been trying to follow the One-Parent-One-Language approach but sometimes it is difficult because when we're all interacting together, I have to switch to English as well.

DS has a speech development delay and I'm struggling to understand whether it is natural given the situation or should we do something. We have been looking for a place in an English-speaking nursery but these are impossible to get here. He says quite a lot of words both in English and Estonian and a few French phrases in the mix, but he seems unable to create phrases longer than two words. He mixes the three languages a lot. We are told by the nursery that he understands French ok but does not say much. Recently we have been to an ear doctor who has told us that he has some fluid in one of his ears which may prevent him from hearing properly. We did think he may have some sort of a hearing problem, because sometimes when he repeats words after us, they sound nothing like what we have said (e.g. elephant - aht-ee; yes - lay-d) - for a lot of words he has created his own versions which are neither Estonian nor English and uses these. When he plays on his own, he talks in his own language/babble.

DS has started English language speech therapy, the therapist is fairly laid back and not worried, she has also checked his hearing twice and thinks it is normal. I have been thinking to see a speech therapist in Estonia next time we go but am a bit apprehensive because they seem to have more conservative ideas about bilingualism, e.g. learn one language first and then the other, otherwise the child cannot develop a proper tool for so-called 'inner speech' and his understanding of the world will be primitive.

Next year DS will start pre-school in English and will have Estonian lessons as well, then the French will be dropped for a while - maybe that will improve things.

I'm wondering whether he gets confused in situations like dinner-table, when I'm talking to him in Estonian and DH in English or when we're watching an English-language DVD and I'm commenting on it in Estonian...

Any advice at all would be appreciated.

Thanks,
Triin

Sounds like you are doing everything you can in terms of following up on the potential speech/hearing issue. We are bilingual but to keep things simple I always switch to English when we are with DH, also for his sake as he doesn't speak my language. When we are with other kids I always speak English too, unless I am addressing DC very directly. My kids mix in English words a lot when they speak my language, and I don't correct them; however I do always repeat what they said back using the right words/tense. I try to keep it fun by reading books, singing songs and watching DVDs in my language - I really don't want it to feel like a chore. They often talk about what they are watching in English, regardless of the language, and if you think it will help your son to 'compartmentalise' things a bit, i.e. comment in English on English DVDs and speak just English when you are all together, then do it. He might just need a bit of breathing space, especially with three languages to contend with and a potential hearing problem, so I'd just go with the flow and take your cue from him (and the speech therapist) - he's still very young.

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Your situation is further complicated by the fact that you are in Luxembourg, where the ambiant language is Luxembourgish, so your DS isn't being supported in any of his three languages by the ambiant culture/language.

It sounds as if what you are doing is very informed and I would wait until he is in pre-school in English next year and the French is dropped to see what happens.

Hi,
My girls only have two languages to deal with. DD1 is 3.5 and she made up her own words quite a lot until recently. Like you said about your DS, they would sound completely different from what we said to her - lion (kutta), pingu (kappu), milk (mamma), elephant (oioi) etc, but she seems to have stopped that now. Or rather, she knows that some words are her own language and will use them to herself or us but will use the proper words for other people. In time, maybe your DS will grow out of it. I don't think you need to worry about this too much. Interestingly, DD2 (19months) doesn't do this and tries very hard to pronounce the words properly. I think its really interesting how bilingual kids deal with the extra information they have to absorb.

I agree with the other posters, carry on as you have been doing.

Both my DC started speaking later than their peers, they were being brought up bilingual German/English. I spoke English most of the time, we lived in Germany so that was the dominant language.

At age 3 my DS was behind his peers in his language skills, as was DD at that age. DD had speech therapy when she was 6yo. I think that if we had stayed in Germany that DS would probably have also been sent to a SALT.

We moved to French speaking Switzerland a year ago when DS was 4yo and DD 6yo.

They now speak French pretty well, we speak German and English at home. They have many English speaking friends here so English and German are about the same level, French slightly behind.

We have always mixed and matched our languages, it does not seem to make a significant difference. By around age 4 the children sorted it out. I would say that they are both now still slightly behind their peers but they are speaking three languages fluently.

If you are sure that a SALT in Estonia would recommend that you stop teaching your son, then I would not go. Could you see if you can find one who is more open to bilingualism?

Hi Triin,

It sounds like you're doing everything right at the moment. As long as you are consistent in your usage, as with one-parent-one-language, your child will develop an 'inner language' and stop mixing at some point. Many bilingual children still mix at 3.5, especially trilinguals. There is absolutely no problem with developing all the languages at once, so just ignore the conservatives.

My children go to an international English-medium school in Germany, and many families there manage fine with three languages, occasionally with four. Most use one-parent-one-language with strict rules about a 'family language' - for instance the person who starts a conversation determines the language to be used. The real disaster is when you mix languages at random, especially within sentences. That confuses kids no end and I think is psychologically very dangerous. I know a kid at the moment, French mother, English father, German environment, where the mother just cannot stick to one language. The kid has enormous aggression problems at the age of 6 because he just doesn't know what to expect.

Both my dd's have grown up completely bilingual (English at home, German outside) and now only seldom mix. However especially dd1 was speech delayed and only produced two- or three-word sentences until after she was three. She was also diagnosed with fluid in her ear (40% hearing loss in one ear) at 4.6 which lasted a good year, and had English speech therapy later to help her produce the sh, ch, and th sounds. Now there is no problem at all.

Best of luck with it all. Please ignore the conservatives. It would be a great pity not to pass on your children's linguistic heritage to them.

Do you know that great book, called something like Bilingualism in Families? By two authors, one of them is Philip something...

Hi again,

thanks to everybody for your replies, I appreciate it. It is good to know that DS's problems (if they are problems at all) are not unique and other people have had similar experiences.

We'll continue as we are, the hearing issue is under control (check up in 3 months) and I'll try and find an open-minded Estonian speech therapist for some Estonian-specific advice.

Thanks again,
Triin

PS. Yes, I have read 'The Bilingual Family' by Edith Harding-Esch and Philip Riley, it is a good book, have also read stuff by Colin Baker.