what to do about christening.

[Booyhoo]

not sure if this is the right place to post but here goes.

back story; OH and i separated before ds1 was born (he was using drugs at the time) and saw nothing of him until he was 4 months old. i was brought up catholic but no longer believe and so only go to mass for weddings and funerals. my mum is devout and was very upset that i wasnt going to have ds1 baptised. i agreed that for her own peace of mind she could take him to her priest and have it done, because it meant nothing to me and i would feel a fraud doing it. so my mum and dad both went and stood as his godparents. my mum takes him to mass with her most weeks.

so we have a ds2 now, he is 6 months old and OH has been away since he was born (on deployment). he mentioned to me before ds2 was born that he wanted him christened. i didnt really respond at the time because it was said in the middle of a conversation about something else. the thing is, OH is not religious at all. neither are his family. a christening to them is really a party and an excuse for everyone to buy a new outfit. (they really go to town) my mum is keen that ds2 is baptised and i said i would be happy for her to do the same thing as she did with ds1. but neither me nor any of my family talk to OH's family, there are issues over violence while my ds1 has been there and as a result ds1 only goes to their house as a result of a contact order.

so OH will want to have a 'big' christening with all his family there and my mum, who is the only religious one wont be able to be there or stand as his godparent. also it concerns me that all his family will be drinking and things will get out of hand. OH will expect that ds1 is there (he's 4) and i dont want him to be around when they're all drunk. his dad gets quite abusive. i would prefer that if OH is genuinely interested in having ds baptised that he goes with my mum and does it the same way it was done with ds1. i also dont want any difference to be made between my two sons, i would hate for ds1 to think that no fuss was made for him but was for ds2.

how do i get OH to see things from my point of view? i have the feeling this is going to be a huge row.

bump

Your OH's family aren't religious, the christening would just be a chance for a "ig do for them and there are "issues of violence". Why are you even considering having a baptism their way?

As your own DM is the only person for whom the event would have religious significance, why not let her organise it along the lines of the event you had for your DS 1? OH's family could be invited. It would be up to them if it wasn't to their tastes and didn't want to come.

FWIW I'm not religious and neither of my DC are christened but I can see how you want your DS's to be treated the same.

i'm really not considering having the baptism their way, i just need to able to explain to OH why, without him being really annoyed. he can be quite 'rose tinted spectacles' when it comes to his family. i am more than happy for my mum to organise it but its getting OH to agree that is the issue.

I think if your DS1's contact with OH's family is limited because of their violence, then your OH is going to have to understand that you can't invite them to the christening and have DS1 there as well.

Maybe concentrate on the treating both DS the same aspect of the issue to your OH, i.e. focusing on how unfair it would be for DS2 to have huge occasion when DS2 didn't, rather than it being about his family? Although if there are violence/alcohol issues, etc with your OH's family his "rose tinted spectacles" must be v thick!