father christmas

[merrilyverily]

our DD1 aged 15 is adamant that we should not 'lie' to our DD2 aged 2 about Father Christmas. says it was traumatic to find out that he did not exist, it spoilt christmas for her, her parents had lied to her - after all isn't lying wrong!
Can't see how DD2 can mix with any other young children for the next 6 years if she is going to tell them the 'truth about F.C. Any ideas?

Mine aged 5 and 9 don't believe in FC and never have. It's never been an issue and they've had magical Christmasses without him. Neither do they go around telling everyone that he doesn't exist. My ds now says to me "everyone talks about fc but I don't believe in him." So usually respond with, "Well that's ok, as long as you are not a spoilsport, you shouldn't tell them what you think because they might get upset. That's for their mummies and daddies to tell them."

He understands that and it's fine.

dd just thinks that we believe in Jesus and some kids don't, so she doesn't believe in FC and some kids do.

I think it only becomes an issue if you make it one.

I'd tell DD1 that it's maybe a bit mean if DD2 isn't allowed to join in an age old tradition and enjoy one of the more magical parts of Christmas. After all if DD1 was upset by him not existing then it's pretty obvious she loved believing in him - so does she want to deprive her little sis of that? I'd bet she'd say no - maybe too if DD1 can explain why it was so traumatic, you can promise her it won't be like that for DD2.

You can still "do" Father Christmas without telling children that it is real. We were always clear with DS that it wasn't real - both for religious reasons, and because he was bothered by real/made-up from an early age - but still got him a stocking with presents "from Santa", went out to events with Santa there etc. He never went round telling other children that it wasn't real, but was happy to let them believe different things from him.

I know people have different views about whether it counts as a lie, and I don't think it's wrong to do it, but I don't think it spoils the "magic" of Christmas to not try to convince them that this specific part of it is real.

You'd probably be surprised how many other children don't actually believe either.

Most people don't say he's real though do they? they just do the stocking thing and tell the story and most kids love it. You don't really have to tell her anything, just see what she thinks in her own time. fwiw, I don't think my son's ever believed in him, but he still loves his stocking and puts a carrot out for the reindeer, because it's fun and we all enjoy it.

Just had this convo with some mums outside school. From countless threads on mumsnet and convos with rl mums, a lot of them DO tell their children he is real. Some of them go to elaborate lengths to convince their children that he is real, and then spend years fretting that their child will find out that it's not real at all.

It was a convincing enough act when I was a kid and that was before you could follow his progress on the internet and have a personalised letter from him. No wonder parents are finding it harder and harder to break the bad news to their kids.

I never believed in Father Christmas. I was the sort of child who liked to get to the bottom of things and it just seemed obvious that it was someone dressed up. However, my twin sister was much more fantastical and did believe and indeed in the tooth fairy despite my empirically disprovineg her existence by not telling our mum when my first tooth came out! We must have been told/not told the same things and I do think there's an element in which kids believe if they want to or both believe and not believe. My dd is also 2, but I think i'm not going to push it, but let her take the lead and be as vague as possible. I was thinking that I wouldn't really need to go there at 2 - I know nursery will whip them up, but distraction is your friend at times like this, I think.