Siblings rivalry and over competitive son

[Pitchounette]

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I don't know if it would help but can you think of things DS2 is good at that DS1 isn't, and vice versa, and use them to try to make the point that everyone is good at something, but different things. E.g. you are good at maths but find swimming difficult whereas your brother is good at swimming but finds maths hard. I maybe haven't explained this very well as I am rushing, but it has helped with my DCs.

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Oh, of course don't do it if it makes things worse!

When you say meltdown, what does your DS1 do?

Sometimes I have found that repeating the same words over and over very calmly if the DC gets angry helps (eventually!) e.g. if they start shouting and don't want to listen to you - "I can't understand what you mean if you keep shouting... I can't understand what you mean if you keep shouting... etc.

Sometimes they do need to hear what you have to say even if they don't want to!

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Oh Pitchounette, I'm sorry, I was thinking that you meant he would get very angry and trying to help with suggestions for that.

What does ds2 do/say when ds1 is being mean / boasting to him in this way?

We have this with ds(6) and dd(5). Ds will often snigger if she struggles to read a word that he couldn't read at her age either. We have got to the point where we do pull him up on it. I will remind him that I can do his homework quicker than he can - he says that that is because I am a grown up and then I tell him to think about what he has said and how it is relevant to what he has just done to dd.

We have also spent a lot of time telling him that whilst it is great to be good at things, other people who might be struggling with things don't want to hear how easy you find it and how good you are at it. We think about something he has struggled with and then I say "what would you have liked me to say to you there, "ha - I'm really good at that, it's easy" or "yes it can be tricky can't it".

I have to make him see it from the other person's perspective.

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Oh they could be mine. I wish I had the answer as this has always been the biggest obstacle to family harmony here.
My DSs are now 13 and 11 and the older one just always has to be first, faster, bigger, score higher in every test, win every race (or at least beat his brother). He speaks to his brother with such derision it upsets me, but he struggles with empathy and I have not yet found a way to stop him.
The only saving grace is that DS2 has not a competitive bone in his body and largely doesn't care.

i think that children have such a huge need to belong in the family and will do anything to find his or her 'place' in it. why does your son feel like he needs to be the best at everything? thats the issue. he should know that you love him no matter what he does, or what he can do. NO competition at home! it is destructive. its like he is fighting for his place in the family, whereas he should feel safe and secure that he is a worthwhile human being no matter what. Tell him that alot. once he sees this, he wont need to prove how much better he is than the others at this or that.

Have this a lot with 2 very competitive DSs age 9 and 7 It is worsebecause DS1 is just nt socially aware and like a bulldozer. DS2 reacts and an argument ensues.

We contantly remind them each has their own unique skills and talents. For example, DS2 is a muh fatser runner and better artist than DS1 at the smae age.

We do also step in and tell DS1 to back off if he becomes overbearing.

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