Anybody with a brother...?

[julietbat]

Not sure this is the best place to post this question but I'll give it a go...

My dd is 20 months old and I just had a ds 2 weeks ago. I am absolutely thrilled to have a son and a daughter but my only (slight) concern is that as we have probably finished our family my dd will not now have a sister. I am one of three girls and although we didn't get on great as kids we are very close now and I don't know what I would do without them.

My plea therefore is: to those out there who have brothers, please tell me that I'm being totally ridiculous and that my dd and ds could become just as close as two girls would have been (while acknowledging that not all sisters get on of course!). My dp (female partner) has a brother and whilst she gets on fine with him they aren't particularly close and I think this is partly influencing my slight worry about my dd and ds's relationship.

Thanks in advance for all those who will (hopefully) tell me how stupid I'm being

My brother and sister were amazingly close growing up and still are. There is only a small age gap between them which definitely helped. Whereas my sister and I fought consistently until I left home and it's only now we're close.

All 3 of us are very close now. I wouldn't be without them. Your two will be fine.

I don't think you need to worry about them getting on - am sure they will fight and squabble and love each other just as any sibling does. Even if you'd had 2 dds, there's no guarantee they would have necessarily got on or been thick as thieves, so the gender isn't such a big deal in the big scheme of things - they have each other!

I am 24, my brother is 30 and my sister 26. Myself and my sister are very close, my brother and I are not, family circumstances were difficult though and I haven't seen him since I was 10yo, I speak online/phone 2-3 times a week but I don't see us as ever being close.

My DD is 3.8yo, DS is 2.6yo, I've never worried about them not being close, they are close now, in age/bonding and get on pretty well.

My brother and I are 4 and a half years apart (I am the baby!), and got on ok as kids. We haven't always seen eye to eye on stuff but I think the world of him now and he is a brilliant uncle to our dc's.

I love the fact that I have one of each, I think they will be close and supportive of each other when they're older.

I was always fighting with my Db whilst growing up, but we've been quite close over the last 10+ years.

Not all sisters get on well. There are many factors that make up good and bad relationships and you can never forecast which it will be. That obviously applies to siblings of either sex.

To my dc's, that should say. The way I wrote that sounded like I have kids with my brother, which would be far too close, obviously!

I raely see my brother.

However he and my sister have a joint mortgage. It's more about personality than anything else, I think.

I am probably closer to my brother than I am with one of my sisters - think proably a personality thing, though, rather than a gender issue

Get on very well with my 3 brothers.

I have a brother, we were very close as children, less so as teens and now although we live hundreds of miles apart we speak at least once a week, he adores my dc and we get on really well.

I have two sisters and a brother and probably have more in common with my brother than I do with my sisters. I suppose my brother isn't really interested in girlie things like clothes shopping. But, when it comes to work and family issues I think we are more alike.

I am the youngest and my brother is second youngest so perhaps relation in age has more to do with it than enything else.

However when we were little he used to beat the crap out of me. So lucky for your daughter she is older and won't be subject to the older bully.

Well, I know exactly what you mean. I have brothers and was really sad that my dd doesn't have a sister.......

But on the other hand, I do love my brothers and they have been great to me since I re-located closer to home as a single parent... so really, Ihave no reason to hanker after the two girls thing.

My friend who is one of two girls was delighted to have a girl and a boy.

AhteneNoctua, my elder one is the girl and she's the one who wallaps, pinches, sly shoves etc...

But as they youngest growing up I was on the receiving end of it.

Are people telling me that two girls don't exchange a few slaps and pinches too????

OP, NOW I'm really glad that I've experienced being MUm to a girl and to a boy. Unless you have two girls and two boys, nobody's ever going to sit back and know that their boys and their girls have a same sex sibling. You haven't let your daughter down!!! this is how I felt shortly after discovering dc2 was a boy! daft I know now.

There is only me and my brother with 3.5 years between us and we have always been close. Growing up we got on really well, fought like any other siblings but I'm told I used to burst into tears whenever he was told off . I live 5 minutes down the road from him and his family now. Typical Sunday yesterday; saw them at Mass, then had lunch together then DD and I went to their house in the afternoon.

We are going on holiday next month together for the third time this year. We're probably the extreme end of the scale but I have never suffered from not having a sister. Actually, they sound like a pain in the arse

My brother is 22 months older than me and we have always been close. Even though I live in Belfast and he lives in California, we speak constantly through IM/Facebook etc.

I am hoping to take DS to meet him for Christmas. There are some things in the way that should straighten out in the next few days, but I am so excited to see my brother and his family.

I have some friends who go on about this incessantly, how dreadful it must be to have a younger brother (older ones are acceptable for some reason ). (Not you OP I have just had this conversation too many times).

As someone with a younger brother I find it pretty offensive when my friends say, what is the point of one, how awful to not have a sister, it must be dreadful

Well, no. I am 18 months older than DB, and we got on brilliantly growing up. He used to sleep in my room every night (scared of the dark) and we were bestest buds (although we also bickered argued and bopped each other on the head - but that is nomal AFAIK).

When puberty set in yes we grew apart - but then so did many of my friends from their sisters, I witnessed screaming arguments about clothes etc which descended into hair pulling on more than one occasion.

Now we are adults we get on well enough, but we don't see each other socially. Not because of our genders, but because we are polar opposites personality-wise and find each others lifestyles baffling. It's all very good humoured though.

The things to remember is that personality is what matters, not gender. And that people only know what they have. Even if I were missing out (which I don't think I am), i wouldn't know (well if my bloody mates would shut up about it!).

All will be well and congrats on your lovely new DS.

I have a brother, I'm older than him, and I'm delighted that it's just the two of us. We have a brilliant relationship. I look out for him a lot - he says it's like having two mums. But he loves it. Older sister, young brother is a lovely family situation.

I am the eldest of 4 and have two younger sisters and a younger brother. My Brother is 6 and a half years younger than me, sisters came between us.

Out of my 3 siblings, it is definitely me and my brother who are closest. I loved "mothering" him when he was a baby and I was a small child and I think that helped us bond. If he didn't live so far away I'm sure we'd see lots more of each other.

I have a DS and am due to have DD in a few weeks now and feel that our family will then be complete. It's never occured to me that that they might be missing out on not having a same sex sibling, just that they will benefit from having each other as they grow up.

I am also the pldest out of the 4 of us, I have a brother who is 8 years younger than me (he is 14) and sisters who are 19 years younger than me (they are 4).

My brother and I have always been very close, I used to like taking him out with me and even now he seems to live here every weekend

I don't think it matters about same sex siblings, any of my friends who had same sex siblings used to fight constantly yet me and my brother would be quite happily laughing away at nothing

Although we do fight just not as much as they seemed to...

i was bought up with 3 brothers 4 years older, 18 months younger and 4 years younger.I havent seen my elder brother for years. I have always been close to my younger ones especially the one who is 18 months younger than me. We had our squabbles as kids but it was just sibling stuff and were always there when one of us needed the other even were as adults. Due to recent changes I am getting closer with my youngest brother see him several times a week always texting/talking online or on the phone. Quite often says he's coming round mine for a beer or just to see me and we go out in town together too. I do have elder sisters too but have never been anywhere near as close to them as i have my dbs

I have no sisters but have 3 brothers.

Also, I have a DS and then had a DD and I am finished having children so DD won't have a sister either.

I would just say don't worry about it, people turn out how they are going to turn out. I don't know if it was because I had 3 brothers and no sisters, but I am not remotely girly. I think fashion is silly, I think makeup is time wasted etc - I am physically tall and strong so I am not really feminine in any way, apart from I have always had a mothering instinct and wanted to have children. I don't mourn the lack of a sister and my DCs get on very well, their sex seems totally irrelevant at the moment (DS is 3, DD is 1). I get on well with my adult brothers, my youngest brother is my DC's godfather.

Also, people's families are smaller now than a generation before, and two generations before.

The whole expectation of having a collection of sisters is going to be an old notion.

Most people, if they're lucky! will have .8 of a sibling!! (statistically!)

So to have a sibling at all is lucky. That's the way I look at it. My two often sit in the same chair holding hands! they do fight as well. There's no way around that apart from having two angels!

I think the thing is that your children won't know anything other than what they have, so they won't have the experience that you've had of growing up with a same sex sibling, and for this reason alone I think this is a silly thing to be worrying about. They will either get on or not get on, depending on their personalities, but their sex is irrelevant. No, they won't have the same relationship as they would have had if they were both girls or both boys, and they certainly won't have the same relationship that you had with your sister, that's a given. You can't be worrying about them not having the same life as you have had, because that's never going to happen.

My brother is 22 months younger than me (just the two of us). I never minded not having a sister, we were really close and always played together as children/went out in the same group as teens (still do in fact!!).

Now I have a DS and a DD, and they are great together, so I don't see it as being a problem.

The plus side of one of each is less competition, compared to same-sex siblings.

Thanks everyone. It's really nice to hear so many positive stories - particularly those of you that chat with your db regularly or go out for beers, etc. I chat with my dsis's all the time on the phone (much to dp's annoyance!) and the only reason I don't see them all the time too is that they both live a few hours away from me (although they only live 10mins from each other and therefore do spend a lot of time together). But my dp rarely picks up the phone just to have a chat with her db which I've always felt is rather sad.

I hadn't thought about it from the perspective of my feelings of my dd missing out. She won't have anything to compare it to (unlike me). And it's really great to hear how many of you with small age gaps get on really well with your siblings. There's 20 months between them so hopefully that will help a strong bond in the future.

I feel reassured thanks everyone.