Finding this hard, when will it get easier?

[StealthPolarBear]

Nothing out of the ordinary, have a 2 1/2 yo and an 8wo. Not getting any sleep, if I put the 8wo old down to do anything for the 2yo she screams, the 2yo has regular tantrums and screaming fits (including during the night, so no sleep).

Don't feel I can go to the supermarket / for a walk without having to contend with toddler meltdown while baby screams. I can't really carry them both which was always the emergency solution before.

Suppose what I want to know is, is there a magical age when it gets easier? How do I get her to be one of those babies who's happy in a bouncy chair? How do I develop the "I mean business" voice that gets my toddler to do what I say? I am really lucky that i hve loads of help but DH woring long hours and weekends and sometimes it just reallty gets me down

BTW - have a sling which she's OK in. co sleep but i dont get a lot of sleep like that and have woken today with a majorly painful shoulder. Keep trying her with a dummy, she has it every now and again but mostly just spits it out and looks like she's gagging

I had a 20m old when I had my second DD. It was the hardest year of my life. It will get easier, but when, and how is a bit of an unknown!

Think creatively about how you can meet both their needs, even if it means looking rather odd and making liberal use of bribery and CBeebies.

I used to find myself marching up and down with a colicky, screaming DD2 singing The Grand Old Duke of York with DD1 marching behind me so she thought it was a game.

Your baby will become happy in a bouncy chair, while she watches her big brother/sister playing. Can you feed your baby sitting cross-legged on the floor so you can do puzzles/drawing with your toddler? With my 3rd and 4th babies, I used to do a lot of activities at the dining room table so I could stand up with the baby in the sling - cooking, playdough, painting, sticking all good for that.

Also, as your baby gets older, she will sleep more heavily and be happier to be put down once she falls asleep when you can then grab some really nice play time with your toddler.

The best piece of advice I can give you though is to be honest with your friends about how hard it is. Arrange to spend whole afternoons at eachothers' houses - until 'close of play' if necessary. Dispense with the social ettiquette of only staying for 2h - you can bet your bottom dollar your friends are also counting the hours down. Your toddlers will be far easier amused with other children around, and the whole thing just feels easier with another adult there, even if the adult:child ratio is still the same.

And, having had a baby and a toddler three times now, I'm more than happy to talk through things with you - try to come up with other survival ideas etc.

lots of good advice from flamingobingo there.

sorry to hear you're having a crappy time.

DS1 was 2.9 when DS2 was born. I think things got better once my eldest realised he could interract with the baby and make him smile by clowning around.

I'm not sure what age that is, but it can't be far away now.

I also invested in a double buggy 3 months in. I was determined I wouldn't need one as DS1 walked well before the baby arrived.
It was the best thing i ever bought.

Also confess to walking them in the buggy while wearing my ipod on the odd occasion when i just couldn't deal with it anymore and DH not due home for hours.

I did a lot of long walks too - baby in sling, toddler in buggy until I got a double buggy when the baby was 6m old.

thank you both, sorry top post & run, have skim read & will read in more detail when i get back
really appreciate you taking the tie to reply
looks like i need a double buggy

I don't have a second, just a first baby that likes to be held etc. However he is now 10 weeks and will only just go in bouncy chair and swing- he loves the seing and will fall asleep in it.

As to the screaming in public, I soon realised that if I was gonna go anywhere I had to do it with the screaming so I check he is fed/clean etc then I just walk with my headphones on and radio 4. The screaming doesn't sound as loud outside!

Also baby groups- lots of toys and my local ones, lots of ladies that want to hold your tiny baby. That way you could spend time with toddler.

I've got a 2.2yo, 12wk and 7yo. Even writing that makes me feel sorry for myself. The baby WILL start sleeping soon - ds2 didn't really sleep until about 4 wks ago, used to have these infuriating power naps, now has one long sleep in morning. I REALLY focus on the toddler then, nothing too strenuous - I watch him bounce on bed, hide under blanket, make a den out of sofa cushions - all the usual.

Also find it helps to imagine them all grown-up, have a few fantasies about their girl/boyfriends. DD is 7 and it honestly seems like yesterday she was at this stage.

Saying that, I'm finding it unbelievably difficult and feel like stabbing dh in the head a lot of the time, have to content myself with giving him th v sign behind his back. I don't think many people breeze through this phase, it IS hard, but mercifully it's relatively short-lived. Hold onto that, and also DO anything to give yourself an easier time of it - eg telly, sweeties, bribery.

Good luck

I have a 20 month old and a 5 month old and it's starting to get a bit easier now! It's hard work but just take 1 day at a time and don't put pressure on yourself to get everything done!

Oh i caved and got a phil and teds, in fact my mum did a morning with me and the two little ones and wrote me a cheque to buy one, as my previously walking everywhere dd threw tantrums when i put ds in a buggy and the sling always killed my back straight after being pg, though i liked them when babies were older

We got into a pretty strict routine (especially in the winter) to just keep it going, mon was music group which used to entertain them both and provided a cup of coffee and biscuits all round, tue was tumble tots (baby in pram/sling older one climbing then baby crawling around circuit), wed was washing day, thur playgroup (again tea and biscuits supplied) and thur evening was softplay place where i'd meet friends and kids would all have tea there too. I would recommend finding a set of places to go (can be done really cheaply if you use childrens centre/libraries) and after a month or so you do make 'acquaintainces' if not friends and it does make it more bearable! And it may go against instincts but actually your houses stays cleaner if you arent in it all day

Then before long the oldest gets pre-school funding and begs you to go daily as its the best place ever and they love their friends and the youngest is starting to talk and doesnt seem like a baby at all as they want to keep up with their older sibling.......and then perversley you miss the early days!

ohh reading all these makes me feel guilty as really i have it easy! DS is at nursery for 2 full days, mum takes him out another day and sometimes MIL does. Think it's just DH's work that'ss getting to me.
And she does sleep - last night went 10-4, 4.30ish-7! that was the best yet though.
OK, i'm going to persevere with bouncy chair and dummy. Not sure about double buggy - DS hasn't really used his for about a year, as we depend on car, and DH has a backpack for walking, will he even go back in? Suppose I can try with the one i have. Also, the one i have has a buggy board whichn he loves & i'll be able to use in a couple of months when i can use it as a pushchair rather than pram.
and i'm tight
already use Beebies / DVDs / bribery to full capacity, i think any more would class as neglect . Will have to encourage more crafty stuff, he really only does colouring but i think he'd probably enjoy more & you're right, its the kind of thing i can do while feeding.
well, as usual after wingeing on here they both gave me a good night - must do it more often!

I learnt pretty fast to carry ds kicking and screaming under one arm while I had the baby in the sling. Having written that, I have to acknowledge that things have gotten better (just because ds has gotten easier) since I haven't had to do that for quite a while. But dd is turning 1 in two weeks and I'm feeling pretty worn down. I've found as they interact more, it's become harder because they just grab toys from each other.

thats what i end up doing but not easy! glad its not just me. sorry things have got harder, not easier