Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

Original poster

4 yr old birthday party - do we all go?

25 replies

ComfortEater · 13/11/2009 19:06

ds has been invited to a joint 4th birthday party this weekend. i suggested dh take him and i stay home with 1 yr old, but he wants us all to go..."family social time" he says!

i don't know the parents well enough to ask, ds friends from nursery!

anyway wwyd, would you all go or not?

thanks

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

allthreerolledintoone · 13/11/2009 19:53

Didnt think parents normally stayed at this age or at least they didnt for any of mine. I would just ask the parents what the arrangements are and whether they want parents to stay and help.

Seona1973 · 13/11/2009 19:56

I have stayed for dd's parties but normally chatted to the mum of her best friend. I wouldnt take dh or a sibling along though except if the mum had said it was ok for another child to come along.

sprouting · 13/11/2009 20:27

I wouldn't take my other children to a party they hadn't been invited to unless I had no-one to look after them and I had cleared it with the host first.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

SingleMum01 · 13/11/2009 20:46

I still go along to parties with my DS - 6 and 7 year old parties. He wants me to stay and most of the mums stay and chat anyway.

No families go as such - sometimes if there is a sibling they go along too - if its a wacky type party - you can pay for the sibling to play but its not expected they get to eat/party bags. At my DS' 7th party I said to the parents who I know have siblings they were welcome to stay and play, but there wouldn't be food/party bags.

mazzystartled · 13/11/2009 20:56

you can't really all go, if only your ds has been invited

squeaver · 13/11/2009 21:05

No way!!

The four of you turning up en masse will not be appreciated by the birthday child's mother.

One of you staying at a 4th party is fine if your ds is a bit shy/doesn't like it.

And if your dh is so keen, send him. Serves him right for making such a daft suggestion.

feedthegoat · 13/11/2009 21:06

My ds has just turned 4 and all the parents stayed at his party and also have at all the others we have been to. However, no one has brought siblings along. Usually it's just one parent and the invited child.

Annabel1 · 13/11/2009 21:16

It really depends on the party. We just had dd's party in a hall. We had invited all of preschool, 24 plus some other friends. We were the entertainment and very happy to do it. It was however difficult when some asked if they could bring siblings and others didn't even ask, because we had catered for a number (30) for food, pass the parcel, party bags and ended up with forty, not including the babes in arms. Of course we got on with it with good grace but it was tricky. I now would never assume it was okay and would think twice about checking with parent first as some will feel awkward about saying no. Sorry to be tough on this one, but unless you're absolutely sure then safer to leave siblings at home. The small exception is soft play type parties and even then I would assume that you would pay for the sibling. Oh or babes in arms who don't eat, play or take party bags!

Annabel1 · 13/11/2009 21:18

Exception number two - you are lone parent or partner not around, looking after sick child etc etc - different matter - post above sounded very harsh - think I might be debriefing pent up party angst!!

GrimmaTheNome · 13/11/2009 21:31

As the others have said - one parent takes child, stays if child wants them to and if its ok with the hosts. At my DDs 4th most of the parents simply dropped off; one child wanted its parent (a father, as it happened) to stay so he and DH lurked in the kitchen trying to keep out of the melee. .
If its in a house there may simply not be room for extra bodies.

This really isn't 'family social time' for you all to arrive en masse unless its been explicitly stated that families are welcome. Its a party for four year olds. I think your DH may be in for a bit of a rude awakening... relaxing they ain't

squeaver · 13/11/2009 21:44

God yes, there are so many things I'd rather do than spend 2 hours at a 4th birthday party: ironing; clean the bog; trap my hand in the door repeatedly...the list goes on.

dreamteamgirl · 13/11/2009 23:21

Just been to a 5th party. Only 2 or 3 parents left and those that did seemed to be called back before the end

Do people really leave a just 4 year old at a party? Mine would really kick off if I so much as TRIED

cat64 · 13/11/2009 23:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

MadBadandDangerousToKnow · 14/11/2009 00:04

Party etiquette, around here anyway, is that 4 is the beginning of the old-enough-to-be-dropped-off-and-picked-up-at-home-time stage. But if your child is not confident at being left, then one parent is welcome to stay (as long as they are vaguely helpful). Anyway, bringing along children who haven't been invited - or turning up en famille - is terribly bad form.

The thing to note here, OP, is that your DS has been invited. Not the whole Comforteater family.

Original poster

ComfortEater · 14/11/2009 08:20

Thanks all! i was wondering when it was okay to start leaving them at parties, just round the corner yay! however ds is just over 3 so i will send dh with ds to party as i originally decided.

all previous parties including our own (1,2,3 bday's, halloween, xmas) we have all gone as a family but that is because it was expected we would as everyone else brings siblings oh's, a social occasion for us all to catch up with the parents who are our friends iykwim.

nursery friends are now a different kettle of fish so its good to know!

thanks again... x

OP posts:

deaddei · 14/11/2009 18:35

Why would you want to stay at a child's birthday party??? Get thee to a wine bar.

bellavita · 14/11/2009 18:38

I cannot understand any parent wanting to stay at a birthday party...

If I was the other mum, I would not be happy with a whole family turning up.

SingleMum01 · 14/11/2009 18:42

You'd leave your child at aged 4? I wouldn't be happy doing that and neither would he. It depends what type of party is it - if its a party at a house and I know the parents then I'd leave my DS now at 6/7 if he was happy about it, more because I wouldn't want to be in the way. What if they need you or hurt themselves? I think its unfair to expect the party parent to look after 25 kids - who they probably don't even know.

deaddei · 14/11/2009 18:44

And that is why I would never have more than 3 or 4 children to a party at that age- 25 kids? Nightmare.

sprouting · 14/11/2009 19:01

If you invite 25 kids and they all bring 3 people each then you end up with 100 people in your house.

bellavita · 14/11/2009 19:09

If a parent invites 25 kids, then I would expect them to have roped in family to help with the party. I would not be happy to have my kids invited to a party and then have to stay myself to help.

bellavita · 14/11/2009 19:10

Tbh, I think those parents who do not leave their children are being a bit precious.

Defluffmyfanjo · 14/11/2009 19:18

Done thing at all the parties we have attended are that one (or both of you) takes the child and stays. It would be very frowned upon to leave your child.

These parties have ranged from 1yr old up to (now) being 5 yr old parties. They are usually in play centres / craft ones in halls etc and you are expected to stay and help child - play / on the slides / eat etc.

Taking siblings without asking is very bad manners.

SingleMum01 · 14/11/2009 19:47

Sorry, I wasn't very clear in my post. If its a house party and I knew the parents I'd leave my DS (due to the size of houses), however if it was a soft play or village hall party myself and most of the other parents would stay - up until the age of 6 anyway. Once they get to 6 parties are getting smaller and you tend do know the parents of the kids so they usually stay as by that time they are good friends.

Taking a sibling? Only if you haven't got anyone else to look after them/have cleared it with the host or are willing for to pay for them if its a soft play.

Annabel1 · 16/11/2009 08:39

Just to say, this isn't about whether it's okay to leave a child at a party - a differnt matter of parental judgement not blanket "it's okay" or "it's not okay". It's about bringing extras to party.

Flip