Just been to visit a friend with one child (9 months) with my 9 month old and my three year old, and feel really guilty about how little attention I give the youngest!

[happynappies]

Don't get me wrong, I don't leave him on his own but... my lovely friend seemed to be giving her ds so much attention: stories, songs, walking around with him, prompting him to walk, crawl etc. My little ds just sort of rubs along with me and dd and they play together a lot of the time while I'm cooking/cleaning etc. I can't remember what its like to just have one, but got a bit of a shock today at just how much 1:1 attention this friends boy was getting. Please someone tell me second children can manage with a bit less!

Er they certainly can manage with a bit less (and the third manages with even less than that!). I've come to realise that little ones like to mooch along and muck in with everyone else as much as being sung/read to and played with. I think it's important that they feel part of something and can join in and contribute at their own level.

Oh dear, my DC3 gets very little 'story' time, and not much prompting to walk or crawl. He started walking at 9 months! His more 'mollycoddled' eldest sister didn't walk until well past a year!

Honestly, your baby will enjoy joining in with you and dd and will develop happily in his own time. Songs, stories etc. are nice but in a way, they're sort of a substitute for actual busy life.

My third is basically being raised feral....

... and he's WAY ahead of the other two on walking and talking.

He's 17 months and the other day I caught him repeating letters from his brother's speak and spell. He has some very clear words - which coincidentally seem to be ones that are shouted repeatedly at top volume by his siblings (No, More, Milk, Daddy, Goodnight etc etc.).

It's all in the motivation, I think

ah but #2 gets attention from his/her sibling, #1 didn't have a sibling.

Yep, DC2s get less attention from you, but they get more stimulation from the outside world and their sibling to make up for it.

Also, bear in mind that many of us thought that if were weren't constantly talking to our PFBs, then we thought they'd never talk ... (I blush when I think how much time I tried to spend "stimulating" the poor little bugger with the inane chatter, looking-in-mirrors and singing - might explain why now he likes to be left alone so much now )

So glad I found this thread. Mine are 3.8 and 9 months, and I often feel as though the little one is spending all her time just following me around and playing with doors/ magazines/tea towels (I DO keep an eye on her!). I so rarely sit and play with her like I did with my eldest. For all that she seems a contented little soul though and I do feel quite reassured by others' comments here!

the way i look at it is that with a three year old in the house, their world is a lot more interesting than the first child's. plus, imo the second child is faaaaar less likely to be anxious (from what i've observed with dds and also other people's kids) because she's never had that thing of being alone and needing to be entertained, iyswim?

Mine are 3 years apart. For what it's worth I think that my second son has had an easier time and is better at socialising because he has learnt a lot from watching his older brother and has had to muck in and get on with it.

My DS who is now 3 had loads of attention from me all the time.

DD was born when DS was 2.0 and I haven't had a fraction of the time and attention to give her. She's 19 months, she speaks in sentences - I think she was taught by a combination of DS and Mr Tumble. I don't recall teaching her anything! At this age, my DS could say about 1-5 words! My little DD was dragged on a tractor ride (so DS could go) when she was about 6 weeks old - she just has to go where DS goes, she's fine.

Don't worry, 3yos are very good entertainers!