Motivating Teenager not to Drop out of College

[dentarthurdent2]

Hello. I found out about this website through a friend.
I want to get some feedback/ideas to help my 18 year old son to stay on at college. He did really badly last year in his AS levels and has taken a real hit to his self esteem- he doesnt feel like he can cope with the new courses he is taking but I think the biggest sadness for him is that he had to change colleges and he really misses his friends there and is not engaging in his new college.

He has decided to go and stay with his Dad, who leaves him to his own devices much of the time- so I visit regularly, but its difficult to give support/ structure at a distance.

I am extremely worried about him and his future, but being so involved maybe I'm finding it difficult to see a really obvious solution.

Thankyou for taking the time to read this.

Have you sat down with him and talked about what he wants to do? What kind of job does he want? Is he looking to go to university? Could you get him a session with a careers guidance counsellor - it might get him to focus on a future goal.

It sounds as though he is just seeing his college courses as something he has to do each day, rather than something that could get him a job in the future.

If he really can't be bothered and wants to drop out, there's not much you can do - he's 18. But he needs to understand what the consequences of that would be. If he did drop out. would you and his father provide him with financial support, or would you leave him to it and expect him to support himself. I dropped out of Uni after a couple of terms and I had to get a job (my parents wouldn't give me any money) and as I was living at home I had to pay some board as well. I did go back to college after a year.

I think you need to talk to his father (if you are on good terms) and come to an agreement about how you as parents are going to handle this. Then talk to your son and see what he wants to do.

Thankyou for this advice- I have spoken to him about going to a careers advisor but he is not keen- at least he has this as an idea he may come back to now.
I have spoken to his Dad but not really an in depth conversation- which is very much needed- it is always good to get an outside perspective- and the fact that you have taken the time to reply is really appreciated

Don't know how much help I can offer ,but really feel for you .
Could you speak to his college and investigate whether they think he's struggling ?
Could he change to a BTEC ( vocational A level type qualification ? )
Must be tough having to adapt to new teachers and environment.
With regard to AS results and self esteem I believe ( from talking to HT at 6th form college ) that a number of summer 09 AS were the first of a revised /new style AS/A2 course .She said it takes a few years for any change of format to bed down and that quite a few subjects had seen really low results.
Could he see his old friends at weekends ?
On the UCAS site you can complete a long questionnaire which will produce a report suggesting courses ,areas of interest.
It's called Centigrade and costs about £ 15 .
I did most of it on behalf of my very disinterested child - just asked salient questions ,as it is long.
I also ordered hard copy - it takes a bit of reading not terribly user friendly ( and also not convinced that the courses it lmplete ) ,don't know if your son would sit down and read on own.My child didn't ,but I did find it helped me make informed suggestions.
Hope someone wiser can offer more help soon.
Good luck - keep encouraging him .So hard being this age.

should have said" not sure list of courses it gives is complete "

If he truly does not want to be there he would have left already, iyswim? He probably just needs a push in the right direction and a careers guidance is brilliant for that, I wish I'd had one sooner! Try speaking to him about what he wants for the future, career ideas, etc. It may be that college isn't right for him and he can always go back and study in a year or so when he feels more confident.

I found that studying in a school setting is crud for me but to discover that I wasted 2 years at college and 3 months at uni! It's best he works it out now rather than later. Has he considered studying from home or whilst working? There are so many different ways that he can study without needing to be attending classes, which makes it easier for him to sort out his social life as well (meaning he can see the friends he left behind).

Oh, on that Centigrade that Violet mentioned, his school should have one of those on their school systems mine had one called Kudos) and I believe that Connexions allows you to do one on their computers. If you have a coonnexions near you they are fantastic, they're the ones who I saw!