DS being shunned by friends who have girls

[ilovegarlic]

There is a group of us with the majority having girls and its been quite apparent for the last few months that there have been lots of get to gethers for "girls only". They go to gymnastics, horse riding etc...

The boys of the group are not being included.

I find this not only sad but very hurtful.

Do Mum's with girls who dont want "boys spoiling the fun" realise this?

It does seem a bit mean to me especially as it is things like riding. I can understand why you are upset.

Its similar for me too as I made friends mainly with mums of girls when my eldest was a baby. As early as 3 he was being excluded, but they were arranging trips to see things like Angelina Ballerina etc. Though it might have been nice to be asked as my son actually would have liked it!!!

Now he is at school and he is at a different one to the one their children attend. I am really pleased as he has made his own group of friends and is really happy. He still gets invited to the birthdays but he is usually the only boy (not that he minds!). I find my son likes both boys and girls and at his party we had an even number of both.

Girls have the rest of their lives to be ruined by boys and men. I applaud them being given the chance for some girly time if they can swing it.

Anyway, noone would bat an eyelid when boys fail to invite the girls along to their football sessions do they?

I have three boys and a girl btw.

It does seem a bit mean to me especially as it is things like riding. I can understand why you are upset.

Its similar for me too as I made friends mainly with mums of girls when my eldest was a baby. As early as 3 he was being excluded, but they were arranging trips to see things like Angelina Ballerina etc. Though it might have been nice to be asked as my son actually would have liked it!!!

Now he is at school and he is at a different one to the one their children attend. I am really pleased as he has made his own group of friends and is really happy. He still gets invited to the birthdays but he is usually the only boy (not that he minds!). I find my son likes both boys and girls and at his party we had an even number of both.

Spidermama - surely you don't mean this?

"Girls have the rest of their lives to be ruined by boys and men. I applaud them being given the chance for some girly time if they can swing it."

You have boys and as their Mum you will surely bring both your boys and girl not to believe that?

There was a football camp at our DSs school and the girls were invited. Not one girl turned up. It was a fantasticly run camp. The irony is that the girls do play football at school during term. I just wonder if their mothers even thought to ask if they wanted to go.

DSs have just spent the afternoon riding up and down through massive muddy puddles with a girl. They loved it and so did she.

Ive taken your comments on board but still feel as if its the parents steering it

I agree with whoever said that there most probably hasn't been any intent on the other mums part - they probably are unaware that you think your DS would enjoy joining in the girl's activities.

Why not be a bit more forthcoming with saying things like "oh where's the ballet on, I think I might start DS with that". They are your friends so you will be fine being more pro active.

Also I agree that friendships built on baby groups do often have their own fizzle out period where the mums might return to work or move on from the baby stage etc (lots of other reasons too) where new mums cling together for sanity and weekly chat and coffee.

i'm worried for my dd in this regard also, most of my pals have boys and i want to get together with all of them together but tbh it can be a nightmare as they ARE more boisterous and hit her etc etc. just general rough and tumble, nothing at all sinister, but if dd's not in the mood she can get very tearful about it and cries in the car on the way home. whereas if we go round to another girl's house it's (currently) all dressing up and my little pony.

it doesn't matter if it's the parents steering it or not. Get over it and organise some fun things for your boys to do. There could be a million reasons why they don't bother inviting the boys, it doesn't really matter why, and it's really silly of you to get so sensitive about it.

I personally wouldn't try to get your ds along to the ballet, I would try to find things he would enjoy more with different friends. I have a lovely friend with an antisocial dc and she is blissfully unaware that I have pretty much phazed out playdates because of this. I have struggled to organise things without her because she just doesn't get it.

god, sorry to come back but I think I need to shout at you: "there is an akward silence when they realise they had done it on the sly" STOP BEING A VICTIM!!! and sort out some nice playdates for your ds, and don't hide them from your friends, they aren't doing a very good job of hiding theirs from you. Organise a night out with your frinds instead. Now if I was excluded from a trip to the pub I'd be pissed off, but playdates?? It's par for the course I'm afraid

Do you ever meet up with the mums without the kids?

Our post natal group hardly ever get the kids together anymore but we regularly meet up without the kids

Does sound like these other mums are bein a bit horrible...i'd feel the same..tbh my DS wouldn't have been interested in stereotypically girly activities even at 5..but i'd rather be given the chance to refuse

Get together with the other mums of boys / sporty girls and make some new friends if they carry on being so rude

agree, minky. if they wanted to keep this information from you, they would. but they don't, according to you they 'let slip' every time. (it's cos they're not doing anything WRONG).

If I were you I'd be upset too. It does not matter if it's steered by the kids or the parents, they could have talked to you about it.

My son was uninvited from a 'princess' birthday party. But the mum, who I consider a friend, just told me, and that was it. Maybe this is the time when you realise that these mums were just 'convenience' friends, the ones that you meet just because your kids do the same things.

Think about bringing it out in the open. You might feel better after telling them that they hurt you.

I don't see why they need to talk about it-it is just a natural progression that happens around 5/6yrs. They choose their own friends. Organise something for mums, by yourselves, in the evening.

I completely sympathise.
I've felt very much like this with DS - it used to really upset me and it happened all the time (still happens now).

I don't really get upset by it any more, though, as the ones who really do make an effort completely make up for those who don't.
In some ways it's handy to help separate the 'convenience' friends from the real friends. You know where you are then.

Most people go out of their way to make sure others feel included and liked - if they don't then do you really want them to be your friends?

Hope you feel more positive about it soon ((()))

I would accept that there is no way you can no for sure why they are doing it and use the opportunity to get the mums who have boys together and do something really boisterous without inviting the girls and accept that the mums with girls want to split and have some girly time you can have a lads day out.

However I probably would feel sad and a little hurt but I would not say anything and arrange a boys activity.