DH back to work tomorrow and it's just me and DS. Scared!

[Igglybuff]

Hi, I'm a first time mum with a beautiful DS who is one month old. Tomorrow my DH goes back to work after four weeks off. We've both been sharing the parenting (although as I'm BF, it feels like I do more).

I'm worried about being a SAHM - little things like getting ready in the morning seem a challenge! I also worry about when DS gets grizzly - normally I can give him to DH to calm down but not any more. Also I don't drive so can't get out far in the day, especially in this rubbish weather

I know two new mums in the area but not that well - I've suggested a meet up but not sure how keen they are to do it regularly as they already have their own groups from NCT classes (my class was not local so the meet ups are too far for me to get to)

Can anyone give me any tips on coping and how they managed it? Thanks

just to add - if you don't manage to get out every day, that's fine!
Similarly, if you choose to stay in your nightclothes all day sometimes, that's fine too!

I found almost the worst thing was to have expectations of what you can achieve - because if you don't achieve them you feel like you've failed or are doing it wrong or badly. Not the case at all!

My DS was born in December so we didn't manage to get out that much tbh; plus for the first few weeks he was feeding for hours at a time (tonguetied). So long as you are happy and content with what you do in a day, your baby will pick up on that and hopefully be happy and content too (I know, it doesn't always work like that!) so go with the flow.

And have lots of fun with him - I loved those first few weeks of "me and baby time" - fab!

I remember this feeling all too well when DD1 was born. I can look back now and marvel that we felt like it took two adults 24/7 to look after one small baby!

My tip is always keep your "baby bag" stocked and ready to go, with spare nappies, wipes, etc, a change (or 2) of clothes, lippy, cash etc for you. And your DS will do a full up-the-back major poo which will soak through all his clothes and yours just when you're nowhere near a changing room. They all do.

So far I've managed breakfast and a shower (whilst rushing back to check on DS every 10 secs) so I think I've done well so far! It's sunny outside so will try and get outside even if it's to the garden.

We've had poo up the back but only a mini episode and due to crap nappies... I've also had to deal with poo mid change, all over the mat. Thanks DS!

DS is quite grumpy today. Maybe cos his mum is mumsnetting on her phone instead of concentrating on him! I'm a bad mother already!

Agree with thumbwitch. It's sooo nice to stay in at home cuddled up in the warm when it's cold outside and just be cozy with baby, tv and food . Good to get out, but do make sure it's a day that you want to get out. It is nice to get a little stroll down the road in even on the chilliest of days, though as it makes coming inside and snuggling up that much nicer

Oh I tel you what I used to enjoy wilst being inside in te run up to Christmas. Those cheesy afternoon channel 5 christmasy movies they start putting on at around 3pm. Its gets you feeling really christmassy and it's such a lovely cosy feeling with a newborn.

Sorry my keyboard is sticky, my eldest dd has been on the cbeebies website.

Hi Igglybuff, another local here! Unfortunately mine DC's are 6 & 4, so I am out of the loop with small baby groups. There is lots to offer in Beckenham & Bromley. Am meeting a Hayes Mum who has 2 under 3 tomorrow so will ask her if she knows of anything. Does your Dr's practice offer you a Mother & Baby group at all? Mine did it was run by the group of Health Visitors at Princess Plain (Bromley). It started when DD was about 4 weeks old. There was 8 of us and it saved my life!! Still meet them all regularly 6 years later, our DH's are all friends, we have holidayed together they are my lifeline. The classes normally run once a week for 8 weeks. We all decided to carry on meeting up and took it in turns to host weekly, then of course we started doing Baby Bounce (the library one) and things like that together. Speak to your Health Visitor as soon as you can and ask her if there is one that you could go along to. They tend to offer it to groups of up to 10 mums who have had a baby at a similar time. Our ages all ranged from mid 20's to me the eldest at 41. It made no difference we bonded over tears, laughter, leaky breasts, poo stories the lot .

hi wags! I've got to go to the docs soon so will investigate! Although that's a big trip in itself for
me. Luckily the survey has moved to a shiny new building - previous place had barely enough seats in waiting room.

I love cheesy movies I'll also get some mince pies etc in for hibernating during winter months

I have to say everyone is making me feel much better. Have also got a friend coming over on friday who also has a new baby so this week is looking ok. So far so good.

I also just wanted to say that I remember that feeling of panic when DH went back to work and I thought 'what? How am I going to do this?' but honestly you will surprise yourself. One day at a time. I felt that managing to put on my mascara every day helped me feel like I had achieved! I second going to groups. They make you feel like you are at least seeing other people. And get out of the house just to get some fresh air even if you are not going to a group/anywhere.

And please don't feel like you're a rubbish Mum at any point! i famously rang my DH in tears one night because DS had been crying all day and I just needed him to come home and help - at the time i felt like a bad Mum who couldn't cope but now I laugh at how silly I was to worry about this. You sound lovely and are clearly a brilliant mum already. xxx

Thanks littleonemum. Day one isn't too bad so far. Even ventured out to the shop briefly for a paper although DS started crying and I had a mini panic (had to force myself to keep walking instead of fleeing back to the safety of home. He was fine!)

Now camped on the sofa having scoffed some choc watching rubbish telly as DS sleeps...

I remember DS needing feeding all the time. I could only go to big superstores if I wanted groceries or such because they had starbucks or other cafes in them where I could stop and bf comfortably. I would also stop driving if I had a way to go to get home and pull over and sit in the backseat and bf him if he got hungry while in the car! I probably did it wrong, but my point is, even with a hungry fussy baby, you can still get out if you want / need to. Bf is so convenient for that - baby's food and comfort is always (literally) right in front of you

That's funny - I'm already thinking how I'll BF when, for example, he needs feeding if I'm at the docs! (they always make you wait ages despite you being there on time for an appointment. Grrr)

I should just relax - BF is normal and if I have to do if in public, so be it!

If you're nervous at first, just get a cover. The bebe au lait one is really nice and easy and comfortable. After a while, you'll feel more comfortable and then probably do away with it. I still used it for a while . here is the bf cover
Totally worth it IMHO if you're modest at all.

Congratulations

My 2 are 4 months & 2 yrs

You will be amazed how quickly you fall into a routine. With DS1, we had a newbies group at local clinic on Mondays, Tuesdays were weighing days at the Children's Centre (he didnt need weighing weekly but it got me out the house & I eventually made good friends with some of the other mums I met in the queue), Wednesdays my Mum visited, Thursday was nursery rhymes at the local library followed by coffee & cake in cafe next door(on my own at first and then I sat with other Mums from nursery rhymes) Fridays were another newbies group at a local church. I made lots of friends during my maternity leave & we met up at each others houses or locally for coffee & chat. Now we meet up at the park or baby groups.

I never did get the BF in public thing with DS1, I kept a carton & bottle in my bag in case i couldnt find anywhere to hide feed although I didnt go to to many places that weren't baby friendly. I also used dummies with both my DS - a life saver with DS2 as he always wants feeding when i am in the middle of doing something for DS1.

This time with DS2 i have fed him anywhere & everywhere. I prefer long loose tunic style tops as found it bit of a faff doing the vest thing, although I do where a vest with button up shirts, but I pull the vest up so it covers the top of my boob. You can also use your bump bands to keep you back & tummy covered.

Also i went to the cinema a couple of times for Mum & baby showings, it is not as dark or loud as usual and was cheaper than the standard rate.

I think that earlier posts have covered everything, but I just wanted to say congratulations and keep doing what you are doing.

The best thing about being a SAHM is that you can really please yourself, sometimes you get lots done and other times you stay in your jammies until 3 o'clock

If your little'un is fed clean and dry it's job done and anything else is a bonus. It's hard work at times but so rewarding and it just keeps getting better.

I only manage one baby group often not every week either (I'm not hugely social!) but I do get out with the pram most days even if it's just down to the local shop. Practise BF at home in front of a mirror and seek out shops with feeding rooms (John Lewis is fab for this).

Definitely get snacks in for lunch and some choc for emergencies. I get upset if I don't manage something to eat and sometimes it really is difficult. Mars bars are my lifesaver and can be eaten one-handed

Don't forget that babies don't die from crying so if you're getting frustrated put him down for a bit and have a cuppa. A sling might be good for a grizzler and you can then get stuff done too.

At the mo I'm generally spending my days washing nappies, napping, attempting to tidy the house, MN-ing and watching TV!

Yesterday I think I achieved a lot (emptied the dishwasher and put washing on ) so today I can take it easy guilt free...

Have also got two post natal appointments next week to get me out so will look out for baby groups then! Here's hoping the weather is ok.

Iggly - aw- it's normal to feel that way - being a first time (and in my case and only time) mum is the biggest thing to make you doubt your competencies - being faced with a little baby is march harder than working to deadlines.

I'd suggest having your shower get dressed first thing so at least you're prepared for the day - (possibly dh can mind ds for 15 mins while he's getting ready for work so that you can sort yourself out).

Then raincovers etc for your pram - go for a nice walk.

I found nct groups came to almost nothing but just geting out of the house was good for both me and ds. I also found that everyone loves a newbie and you'll get lots of people peering into your pram and lots of lovely compliments.

Iknow what you mean about being left alone - it is daunting but a health visitor is only a call or visit away. My gp had health visitor afternoons and I used to go with ds armed with a million questions and you often strike up conversations with other mums there.Also being alone will be build your confidence and you'll get to be intuitive with YOUR little one's needs.

BF- we'll I was an older mum with big old saggy boobs so bfing in public was a nogoger for me - it was privacy at home and a lot of effort lol (looking back). practice at home and then do it in public and you'll be fine.

I remember being very scared - specially the second week - then the third week I kind of just gave up being worried stuck ds on the bad and said 'right - I'm going to get to know you now and bask in new motherhood' - worked for me.

AND MOST IMPORTANTLY - CONGRATULATIONS AND ENJOY.

Thanks allok. Week one I think will be fine as busy every day. Week two is when it becomes hard as the novelty wears off... It's amazing how little things like going to the supermarket seem daunting with a small baby...! Yet motherhood aside I'm generally quite confident.
I've got doctors appointments next week and already a bit nervous about them - maybe it's cos if DS cries for example, I'm worried about being judged as a rubbish mum!!!

I've got the in laws coming tomo - that'll be a test in itself as it's just me and them! They're coming to help me with DS - part of me wants to demonstrate that I can cope but the help will be welcome

Oh god -I remember I had to go out first time in the pushchair and I couldn't get it through the door - I felt soooo foolish and I had a really bad habit of ensuring little one was fed and calm before the health visitor came as you do feel judged.

And my mil came to stay for three weeks - and she's CRAP with children but made my life absolute hell (I'll hate her forever).

The best was my friend took us to a part in a v. posh part of London and I couldnb't get the pushchair to adjust - so there I was all sshort fat huffing and puffing and in a blind panic in front of these sneering tall blond and confident yummy mummies! LOL.

Enjoy - I think I pretty much threw ds on the bed and decided to play play play and I was fine after that. He's now 3.5 and I still find getting stuff done outside the home with him in two a complete pain.

I never managed to collapse the travel system to get it into the car - all such a big faf.

But congratulations - it's got me thinking of when ds was wee - I remember we had alovely spring and the sun was shining into my room - I was alone and bfing ds - it was qquiet and all I could here was him suffling and feeding and you know it was the first time in my life I felt a perfect moment - felt like I was in heaven.

Allok, what a lovely image! I have those heavenly moments too.

I went out in the pushchair yesterday round the park and it was fine. Such a nice day! Today I'm going into town with two other local mums so we can brave the public together, although I think they've done it already so can show me the ropes!