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Fit to be a mum

3 replies

outoftheboxmummy · 29/10/2009 22:37

Firstly?..Id like to apologise for the negative title to my blog but Ive decided as abit of a social experiment to keep count of the amount of times during my pregnancy that its questioned or commented on?.mine or my partners fitness to be a mother. This is merely to raise awareness and challenged views!

I am guessing that you are sat there now thinking that I am some kind of monster (may be one with 5 heads?)?or I am mentally unwell or I have committed some awful crime?.. Nope! Infact Ive never so much as stole a packet of sweets from a sweet shop and I am an Experienced Childrens Nurse in one of the top hospitals in London??. ?oooooh? I hear you say, ?so why the blog title??

Let me explain?. I am a Lesbian?. My wife ?M? has done a PHD in child psychology and now runs her own business from home. You may think why is this women telling me her wife?s CV? Well because alot of people see that M?s disabled, her electric wheelchair and there opinion of her is made and never appreciate what a highly intelligent women she is. We arent angry or bitter at those people?. people are ignorant, its not there fault?we try to educate them or alot of the time peoples behaviour is so stupid its just plain funny?..we are positive people?

Although I have to confess to being rather angered at our experiences at my GP today! We have decided to try for a baby, like all the baby books tell you we booked an appointment with my GP to discuss my health and get advice on conception?. First hurdle was M couldnt get her wheelchair into the lift of a supposed Wheelchair assessable building, so i ended up attending the appointment on my own. I told my GP why I was there and her face actually contorted, particularly after I respond her her questioning that we would be using a Private Sperm donor and not going through a clinic. I would understand initial concern?.. there are risks? STIs, Hepatitis, HIV?.. But allow me to put this into context?. Our donor has had to have tests to prove hes not carrying any infections that are harmful to me or a baby. Hes been genetically tested to prove hes not a carrier of the genes for Cystic Fibrosis for example?. Im sure there are not many straight women who vet there partners before conception as extensively as we have our donor. My GP wasnt having any of it?started speaking to me like I am14yrs?. ( I am 27years by the way?. my partner 30yrs). Then basically wished me luck and said it best not to put anything about of conversation on my medical records?. WHY WOULD I NOT WANT THE FACT I AM TRYING FOR A BABY ON MY MEDICAL RECORDS???????

As it happens i wont be dealing with said GP again for the reason that i would like my Partner to be able to attend appointments with me. Registered with new GP- Seeing new GP next week-Hopefully she wont be one of my statistics!

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
outoftheboxmummy · 29/10/2009 22:38

I was just wondering if anyone has had any similar experiences when they visited there GP intially??

OP posts:
mumbobumbo · 09/11/2009 11:15

Yes, you have been treated disgustingly.

Not a million miles away from my own story though.

I am in my 30's and have severe arthritis, haven't been able to work for the last 5 years. Walk with a stick. When I went to the GP to tell them about the pregnancy, he looked at me in astonishment and said "AND YOU WANT TO KEEP IT?" like the purpose of the appointment was to arrange a termination. My DD is a year old now, and that was the first in a long list of what I would regard as completely unnacceptable comments / attitudes that I've had to deal with.

Sadly it probably won't be the last time you come up against someone with issues / baggage / prejudices about how YOU have chosen to live YOUR life.

Nevermind. When you hold that little baby in your arms it will all pale into isignificance. I can promise you that!

Some of us are just born to be pioneers -- its our job to change those negative attitudes. I find the arthritis in my wrist is getting a lot worse though.... if not from lifting the baby, from writing all those letters of complaint!

You GO GIRL! Good luck TTC!

Charlotte
www.disabledparentsnetwork.org.uk

MummyWithA1Family · 16/08/2010 03:12

I have no experience of this. I was very lucky in the fact that my DH and I were well cared for when we had our DS and have been so far now we are trying for DC2.

I just had to send you and your DP a message of support. I am disgusted by the fact that your DP was unable to see the GP with you, after all it'll be her baby as much as yours I'm sure. Good luck with the new GP I hope s/he is fully supportive of your baby plans.

I completely agree that straight women like myself rarely check their partners health so thoroughly when ttc. I certainly don't know if my DH carries any genes that could cause life limiting disabilities or severe illness!

I hope that you'll both experience the joy of holding your DC for the first time in the very near future. Good luck x

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