Describing a mother's love..thoughts please!

[lilyjen]

Having my daughter changed the way I viewed life forever. Suddenly the world seemed harsher, less safe and I was more aware of my own mortality as well as a feeling that only a mother really knows, a love so pure and unselfish that nothing or nobody could ever destroy it.
I was the protecter, the provider. I would see that this pecious child would want for nothing. That I would look after her. I loved this child so much that even I was unsure if I was up to the job of taking care of her.
The physical demands of looking after a baby and then a small child were exhausting and challenging of course and there were times when I would hand her over to a trusted family member or her father and say-'I need a break', but nothing compared to the emotional side of looking after her. Every decision I had to make about every tiny thing was thought about, worried about and I felt guilty about. Over and over I think about how I could of done it differently and stuggled with all the rights and wrongs of bringing up a child.
Mothers are underestimated in abilty at times, I've had to grow an extra skin in order to deal with other people's opinions however small that conflict with my own unique way of bringing up my daughter. I've had comments, looks and disapproving stares when i've been out and about with my daughter as a toddler. They all conflict each other-I wouldn't do that or that's a great way of doing that..It wouldn't matter what I did, someone somewhere would disagree with something. There's no such this as a perfect mum but there's no other person as perfect for the job of each individual child than the child's own mother unless of course a mother is unable to mother that child but I won't go into that.
My daughter monopolises my time whether I see her all day or not. She's in my thoughts and she's the closest person to me in my life.
There's no such thing as too good for my child, If the heavens opened and poured down all it's gold and silver on my child it would never amount to the love I pour down on her myself.
I love her more than life itself, I would protect her to the end, I would protect her from herself, other people and the world. She is my child, she is my life.

Sticktoyourgins - I am sorry, I didn't mean to belittle your bond with your dd. I have a friend who has 2 adopted dc and she says they are more precious to her because after years of failed IVF she never thought she'd be a Mum.
In my cackhanded arse about face way I was trying to say that I feel that I have a stronger bond with my dc than their dad does because I carried them for 9 months and I think this is why sometimes men feel disconnected and find it easier to walk away from their dc than women.
Not all men of course, just some of them.

colditz - couldn't have put it better meself.

Sometimes I find myself sobbing in the most base way when I read something awful about a child and relate it to dd and feel like my heart could break. Other times I look at dd with her feisty personality and insanely beautiful eyes and watch her tottering over to me holding her favourite book (the gruffalo fyi) and clambering her nappy clad ass onto the sofa beside me waiting for me to read it to her and I feel like my heart could explode.

Before I had her my heart and soul had never experienced such extremes.

Thank you, ginny

sorry about the grumpy post last night

I do understand that your maternal feelings are something special to you and you described them very very beautifully

it's just that we see so many posts on Mumsnet about how dads don't count, and dads are clueless, and no man can possibly understand how a mother feels- and of course some of our posters are SAH-dads

as you were

Sticktoyourguns-thankyou I think anyone who has children whether they are male or female, an adopted parent or not is able to feel the love i'm trying to describe, love is something so hard to describe anyway that only the person who feels it can know for sure.

I talk about my own feelings because one day I felt like writing them down. I copied the writing onto mumsnet to see if what I wrote was any good or inspired anyone..Poohbear I write poetry sometmes, i've tried a few times to write a poem about my love for my daughter and it was so hard I decided to do this descriptive writing instead, i'm so glad you like it

Sticktoyourguns, i'm thinking of adopting a child in a few years time (as a single mum) I have always wanted to adopt a child with special needs.

Cory I don't mind your grumpy post, you had a good point

I think that the love that I have for my daughter is completely different for the love I have had for any man.
The love I have for my daughter is stronger, less like riding a roller coaster and warmer. I know that we will always have this special bond. I know that dads love their kids but I felt it as soon as I concieved whereas dd only became real to her dad when she was born. There is something very special about a mother's love!

ds (9) asked me yesterday what 'unconditional' meant

so I said 'Unconditional love is the love I feel for you. It means there are no conditions. It has nothing to do with what you do or don't do, if you behave or don't behave. I fell in love with your Dad, I love him dearly, but if he changed, if he treated me badly or became a nasty person , I would maybe stop loving him. That's conditional love, and that can be very good too. With you, there is nothing you could do that would stop me loving you. Nothing in the whole world. That's unconditional love.'

Poshsinglemum I think your right but there's always someone that will argue..

Cory you got it spot on, that's what unconditional love is and it's very powerful.

well, I might actually argue with anyone who thinks it's carrying in the womb that is the vital bond - except I'm not as grumpy as last night

but I have never seen a stronger bond than between that of my Mum and her youngest, who was delivered courtesy of Scandinavian Airlines at 2 1/2- it's the sort of thing that just makes you go warm all over

and again, I've seen women who did carry their babies, yet failed to bond at the birth- but who have gone on to form incredibly strong bonds later on

I think dh probably bonded with ds earlier than I did, because I was quite ill and a bit spaced out, so he did the early caring in hospital (the other mums on the ward were full of envy)- doesn't matter, we both got there in the end

What a lovely OP!!

Thanks Junglist1

I caught my DS1's sick in my hands. There is no one in the world, other than his brother and sister, that I would do that for.

Or less boakingly, I'm the only one that sees the shiny glow my DCs carry around themselves like a readybrek advert.

Ahem, lilyjen, you got my name wrong TWICE

oooh yeah..sticktoyourgins! sorry

Strange how such a simply lovely OP can still attract a mild flaming on mumsnet! And didn't she deal with it gracefully. Never mind lilyjen - it was a nice idea!

very useful post, blinder.

That brought a lump to my throat lilyjen, lovely!

Tanks Nezzi and binder

AW for me being a first time (and only time) mum I find that my love for ds is all consuming - outwardly I show lots of love in a fun way and give him space.

Inwardly I feel a melancholy love- all consuming and am I bringing him up well, is he healthy enough, happy enough etc.

I'm happy with that though.

A friend described it to me as like Christmas. Every day I can't wait to see my DCs when they get up, or when I arrive at nursery to collect them - it's so exciting and lovely and wonderful and has something of a surprise about it every time.

The other thing that got me very badly is the fear. Irrational and rational I have to fight sometimes to stop it taking over.

Yes and it's the fear-irrational (or perhaps neccesary like instinct) that I was trying to describe which can look on text as very ott. There really is no such thing as internal ott feelings of concern (which could also be described as many conflicting feelings such as guilt, fear, worry or doubt) if outwardly you are relaxed and reasonable about things imo.

NO amount of love is ott for my child, and love can also be harsh (tough love-when your internal feelings don't enjoy what the outward has to do for the benefit of your child's growth and development) iyswim.

I never wanted kids, my first was an "accident". An accident that brought a meaning to my life, and that made me want to have another one.
And when you have another, your love doesn't divide, but multiplies. The ability to love is a great gift, it makes us better, stronger people.
In addition, I've also become ridiculously emotional and poetic.

I never actually thought I would have chidren.When ds appeared it was such a jolt of shock and fierce love.I calmed down after being a bit pfbish.Then when dd came along it wasn't quite the same with her,initially.She screeched and screamed.But by far the most powerful surge of love I had was when eventually I was told dd had quite severe developmental delay and disability,it was love and anguish.I just wanted to cuddle her and shield her against the world,because given how society views anybody who is not the "NORM" i felt like she needed my (and her father and brothers) love more than anyone else,like we would be the ones to see the herness of her and beyond the disability.Again,I have calmed down a bit now but I think there is nothing more powerful than a mothers love if there are threats to their child.