New Mum Blues

[SarahH0507]

I'm new to all this (forums and being a Mum)
and feel completely confused.
I absolutely love my son but feel so bored during the day when I am on my own. When my husband gets in from work at 7 it seems to coincide with my baby commencing a crying fit that lasts for hours which leaves me in tears as I cannot pacify him (colic maybe?).
I feel so guilty that I miss my old life and sometimes wish it was me that went to work every day with my husband staying at home.
I don't know if I am expecting too much too soon (my baby is only 3 weeks old)? I suppose I just need some kind of reassurance that other Mum's also felt/feel like this as I don't feel like I can admit my feelings to friends and family (mainly because as soon as I think about things I get tearful).

It is so hard. It is like this for most people too, you are not alone.

I hated my first few weeks with ds, in fact I rate them as the most stressful of my life. It was grim, and I actually felt guilty that I had ruined my dh's life by wanting a baby. Everything felt so new and hard and scary.

As soon as you can, try to get out of the house to meet some other mums, don't worry if they seem more sorted than you, I can assure you that they won't be. Also accept help from your family when it is offered, don't turn them down. People do like to help as they remember how hard it is.

Also it is worth trying cranial osteopathy for the colic, might really help.

Welcome to mumsnet Sarah.

Here is the place to offload.

Everything you've written sounds perfectly normal for 3 weeks into this motherhood lark. Nothing to feel guilty about at all.

Now what are we going to do about your mumsnet name? SarahH0507 just won't do.

it doesn't have to be as esoteric as nevergoogledraculasbeheading

Hi Sarah,

Try colief for the colic. Its quite expensive, about a tenner for a small bottle, but if it works then its money well spent.

this is my usual name.

i've changed back as I like the idea of Gordon Brown or Ian Hyslop googling my name.

Sarah i remember it so well, well I had a 3 week old 3 months ago. Good God, I will never forget it, it was so stressful. And tiring. Often I met DP at the door with baby in arms. But it does get better quicker than you can imagine. My tip is to look at things in two - week units. One week is too short and you feel nothing has changed but if you look back at 2 weeks you can see the improvements.
Other mums seem like super mums, don't be fooled, it's all an act

Those first few weeks are gruelling . I had a rotten time until DS was about 2 months old and thought that all my friends were finding it easy, it all came out later that we were all just as worn out / stressed / fed up as each other. IME being at home with new baby is a huge shock. It does get better in time, don't have any high expectations, for goodness sake don't worry about the housework and rest with a cuppa when you can.

Thank you all so much for your feedback, its such a relief to know I'm not a bad parent and that everyone goes through the same emotions.
I will try the cranial osteopathy, as this was mentioned in my NCT classes but I completely forgot about it until now (baby brain!).
On a lighter note it does appear that I should change my Mumsnet name - it seems a bit boring in comparison to everyone elses!

Sarah, I could have written your post 13 years ago. I spent what seemed like 4 months in tears. I had no baby experience and no friends with babies. One thing that really helped me in the end was the village toddler group, not for the baby but for me. I met other mums who I still know because our children are at school together.

But the interenet had only just been invented then and there was no mumsnet. I hope you find it as reassuring and helpful as I do. Whenever I have posted a question or a problem there has been someone who has been able to help, even if only to say they have had the same experience. It can also be very entertaining even if you're not always brave enough to post.

who told to be mum its easy?

Hi Sarah, oh I know exactly how you are feeling. It's sooooooo hard at this stage. But hang on in there. This is the worst bit. Little by little it does slowly get easier. Be comforted by the fact it will never be quite as hard as this again. My DD was a nightmare in the evenings too. It helped sometimes to take her out in the pram. Or - if you are bf - to comfort her that way. I also used infacol which I think helped a bit. It did end -she's now 7m and a lovely little girl. It definitely improved at about 6 weeks. Be kind to yourself, take every chance you can to rest and try and make sure you get out of the house at least once every day. And don't even think about doing housework. And eat lots of chocolate.

You sound EXACTLY like me about a year ago. I was hating the difficult bits, like the crying in the evenings, and the feelings of isolation during the day, jealous at partner going off to work, wondering what the hell I was doing and why I ever wanted to have a child etc etc. And they pretty much eclipsed the joy from any rare good bits. It is NORMAL. The first few weeks are so hard, but it does get better really quickly, and for me by the time my son was a few months old I felt human again. It started getting easier at 4 weeks, when he first smiled, and then his sleeping improved and his colic died down. Oh hon, it will improve so quickly, I promise you.

When I was where you are now, I found reading this thread very helpful. I desperately searched MN trying to work out if I was the only one who didn't like the newborn bit. Boy, I was so not alone in that! So read the thread, and remember how you are feeling is totally normal. 3 weeks is very early days. When your baby is one month, two months, three, six, ten months... you will look back and wonder where the time went. It just reels away like lightening until you find yourself snivelling over the moses basket because they have outgrown it, and wondering if it isn't too soon to have another baby
I promise, it will pass

I wish I'd read this post when my now 16 week-old DD was newborn! Sarah, you completely echo all of my experiences. At the time, I was SURE I was the only person who'd ever felt this negative about being a mummy, and I felt awful because I'd wanted this baby so much. I didn't believe anyone who told me it would get better as I just couldn't see how. I've never cried as much in my life as I did during those first few weeks.

But things DID get better and are continuing to get better. Carrying my DD in a sling helped a lot with the crying and made me feel close to her without having to actively do anything. But the most important change has been her own development - first smiles, then giggles, and a gradual increase in real interaction with her.

So hang on in there and don't be afraid to be honest about your feelings. I'm a real heart-on-my-sleeve person and I've lost count of the number of mums who seemed SO sorted on the surface but confessed to feeling exactly the same way I did once I'd shared my feelings. I think motherhood would be a much easier experience if we didn't feel we had to be radiant with joy every moment of the day!

Sorry I've rambled. I just couldn't not reply! I hope all these replies help you to realise that you are absolutely not alone and that it WILL get better.

Sarah, I was exactly the same and had all the same thoughts. I didn't even really love my beautiful son at first, I just felt resentment that I'd given up my old life and exasperation at the crying.

I think many mums feel like this but do not admit to it. It does get better. I found every month was easier. Lack of sleep makes everything seem worse but that too will get better in time.

Try not to be too hard on yourself or expect too much too soon. Having your first baby is a huge shock to the system and nothing can prepare you for the reality of it.

Keep posting on MN too. You'll find support whatever you are going through.

Absolutely normal. My ds is 7 weeks and it starting to get better. I am a teacher and some days I yearn for a bottom set yr 10 class over the scream-a-thon at home.

In evening when my dh gets home, I hand baby over for an hour- he takeshim for walk or something and I get some me time. It really helps.

Sarah this is my third baby and at three weeks I was still sobbing into my pillow, wondering what the he'll I was thinking when I decided to gave three. It does slowly get better. By Christmas you will be feeling more like your old self. Make sure you go out and enjoy yourself with your partner soon - and enjoy your first Christmas with the little one.

Sarah you can also see that I hVe lost all ability to type properly or proofread. This isnot due to motherhood, it is because I am an idiot. Bloody iPhone

Hi Sarah, I was in the same state 2 weeks ago! My little one is now nearly 5 weeks and those couple of weeks make ALL the difference. Think it is the cumulative effect of all the sleepless nights getting on top of you at 3 weeks. Not sure if my LO is sleeping any better/crying any less or whether I am just getting used to it all, but you will too. Not saying that 5 weeks and everything is perfect, but I don't feel as dispairing and ready to give LO away (one night cried fo 5 hrs and told my mum to take her away!) You will be fine hon, keep posting and join the post natal group for Oct - lots of people going though the same thing there

hello hun, just wanted to echo the others and say - IT GETS BETTER!!!!

the first 6 weeks with both my 2 (now 3 and 4 months) were hellish, i hated it. but after that magic 6 week landmark things do seem to improve dramatically, and lots of my friends with kids have said the same thing too. and now my yongest is nearly 5 months old, she is just the most adorable, contented, chilled out, lovable baby and i can't believe how negatively i felt in the first few weeks.

also i think a lot of it is sleep deprivation and just having no time to yourself, does your DH help much? it might sound obvious but when he is at home get him to watch the baby while you go have a nice long soak in the bath and a pamper, or even go out and have a beauty treatment, ie a facial, get your hair done, have a massage or something. and make sure he is taking his turn at nights so you can get an unbroken nights sleep because even just one nights sleep can work wonders in the early days.

hang in there! x

Nothing much to add, I'm 9 weeks in with our first baby. I managed the first few weeks okay as DD ate then slept until the next feed 24hrs a day. However weeks 7-9 have been hard. DD crying a lot and we're on Infacol and Gripe Water to help her wind.

However, I've just noticed she was also getting a bit too warm in the house so once that was sorted we've had mostly fab days. Who knows what tomorrow may bring but the odd good day is brilliant. Hang on in there, just think that things are likely to be much better in a few short weeks (it's what keeps me sane).

Definitely echo sleep deprivation. I'm finding it useful once a week or so to go to bed when DD sleeps in the evening. It usually means me getting an extra hour from 9-10pm or similar, but last night I got 8pm-2am (DH was working so he didn't miss me!). Once a week doesn't have a big impact on me and DH but makes a huge difference on how I feel about DD and life in general.