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Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

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Original poster

I am not coping with 3 year old.

23 replies

Littlepurpleprincess · 21/10/2009 16:15

My DS is such hard work. He constantly shouts at me, throws tantrums. I have done a challenging behaviour course. He won't do anything I ask. I am in tears trying to deal with this now. How do other mums handle it? Does anyone else feel so tired trying?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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CeeUnit · 21/10/2009 17:51

Hiya, I am a bit rubbish and have next to nothing useful to say but didn't want you to feel ignored.

What did your course suggest?

Original poster

Littlepurpleprincess · 21/10/2009 17:51

no help?

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Original poster

Littlepurpleprincess · 21/10/2009 17:53

oh double post. sorry.

the course was good but the effect hasn't really lasted and I am finding it hard to find the patience to follow through their advice.

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CarGirl · 21/10/2009 17:54

I think following through is the key during this delightful phase.

You have to take on board that it will be very very hard initially but in the longer run it is worth the torture IYSWIM.

CeeUnit · 21/10/2009 17:55

Only things I use are a bit cliche: naughty step; talking to them at eye level; tone of voice etc.

I assume that you have tried all this and more, that's why I was interested to know what the course suggested.

CeeUnit · 21/10/2009 17:59

Agree with CarGirl that if you stick with stuff it gets easier.

When I first started the naughty step I had to physically hold my daughter in place today I asked DD if she had messed with the lamp; she said yes and went straight to the step without being told.

It took ages for her to get to grips with it and it was hard but it was worth it.

Original poster

Littlepurpleprincess · 21/10/2009 18:02

The course was based on the Webster-Stratton approach and is actually very good. I know what I need to do but I just find myself so tired of the effort. That sounds awful,like Im not motivated but I really have been dealing with this a long time.

Webster-Stratton is all about builing a positive relationship first, praising the good, time out when needed. It has lots of little tac-tics to choose from.

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CeeUnit · 21/10/2009 18:06

It sounds like it's the exhaustion that is your main problem at the mo. Do you have people who can give you a break and will stick to the discipline outlines you put in place?

CeeUnit · 21/10/2009 18:08

BTW you don't sound awful at all, everybody get's like that at times, with me its food, I have all but given up on DD and veg. It's impossible to be dynamic super mum at all times.

Original poster

Littlepurpleprincess · 21/10/2009 18:13

I have wonderful PIL who will take him but they spoil him rotten. Gran is good, she will tell him no but Grandad gives into him all the time. DS knows this and plays us of when we are togther. I have tried to explain the discipline system I use and know works but I don't think they agree. That's ok by me when they have him but it makes DS more hard work when we are together.

I thought it would get easier now he's at pre-school but he is so persistent. It lasts from the moment I pick him up (at 12) until he goes to bed.

He needs entertaining constantly but he is never happy with what we are doing, even it's something he has chosen. He whinges about everything and contradicts everything I say. He comes across as having a bad attitude but he's 3 not 15!

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Original poster

Littlepurpleprincess · 21/10/2009 18:16

He's just done a wee on the fucking floor!!!!!

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CarGirl · 21/10/2009 18:17

Yes it is exhausting and it is so tiring having to make the effort all the time.

Give yourself a few early nights and try and focus on one hour at a time?

Sometimes I found going out for the day and doing something fairly dc orientated was good as it broke the circle of behaviour from both of us, even if only for a day.

Original poster

Littlepurpleprincess · 21/10/2009 18:26

I tried that today, just went out for a walk (his choice) but he still complained a lot. I know I just need to be persistent but can I have a two week break on a nice sandy island first?

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CarGirl · 21/10/2009 18:29

sadly not!!!

Sounds like your best tatic is to ignore as much as possible, back off pick your battles etc

slimeoncrazydemon · 21/10/2009 18:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

CeeUnit · 21/10/2009 19:59

Agree with slimeon. I always accompany naughty step with a telling off in my special stern voice.

Unfortunately the break you so desperately need sounds like it may be more trouble than it's worth if it puts behavious back.

A tip I have followed sounds a bit airy fairy but worked for me: sometimes I don't feel like doing the proper parenting thing so I act it out.

'I accept that I am not a brilliant parent today so I will just pretend to be.' I bet that sounds mad but it takes the pressure off I promise and DD reaps the benefits of my 'pretend' good parenting.

Original poster

Littlepurpleprincess · 22/10/2009 13:13

I like the pretend parenting. I'll try that.

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CeeUnit · 22/10/2009 14:22

Let me know how it goes.

ijustwant8hours · 22/10/2009 15:00

DS is 3 in a couple of weeks and I can't cope with him at all. He drives me up the wall. If I'm in a better mood it helps. The other thing that helps is going out, he seems much much better away from home.

JimJammum · 22/10/2009 20:16

Is he getting enough sleep?? My ds is coming up to 3 and is hideously wingey if he's tired, and everything is a massive problem for him (and therefore me).

Agree with slimeon.....plus consistancy of discipline and routine, fresh air/run off steam time. Ignore problems when you can, such as wee on floor (easier said than done, I know), and then reinforce issues over and over again if necessary. He'll eventually learn who's boss. Thing is, it is hard and exhausting work, so make sure you are getting enough rest. If's he's better when you're out, then try and get out every day, and then praise to the hilt when he's good.

Original poster

Littlepurpleprincess · 23/10/2009 15:14

He is generally better when he is out and about but he also very tired at the moment from just starting pre-school so he tends not to be happy whatever I do. Saying that, he has been good today. I had a good chat with my lovely MIL yesturday who had a few good ideas. She said DP was EXACTLY the same and was very pleased he is now getting a taste of his own medicine!

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iseesmileyfaces · 11/02/2015 10:48

Hi sorry to jump on your thread but I've just joined and wasted my last bit of sanity trying to figure out how to do a post of my own. I am struggling with my 3and half year old son at moment (well for past 4 months) I can no longer cope . I am a single parent . We have been homeless for the last 4months and staying with family and friends . then it got reduced to one place because I couldn't cope with his behaviour at places any more . I simply can not handle this anymore . I am constantly ignored . He throws . He spits . He hits . He screams . He stamps his feet . He is a horrible little brat . I'm at the point now where I'm considering handing him over to social services . I am getting no help from anyone . The only one willing to help was his nursery to put him in extra Time . But they're full . so I'm stuck with him . I've been stuck sharing a room with him for the last 4months as well . And most times when I tell him off I get told off for telling him off . I'm 30 in April and heis 4 in may. So not like I'm a kid and he's new born. I'm so depressed and dreading every day . I don't see anyonE because I cant deal with the stress of him at other people's houses . Hejust ignores me. I am sickof shouting and telling off for the same things over and over .a friend had him for a couple of hours the other evening . Because I'm about to snap. He was good as gold. Until I came back to get him . Then he was a horrible brat again . I need advice on where I can get help before I snap or just hand him over To social services . My family can't/won't help . I've told them I'm struggling /can see I'm struggling but there is no one to support me . I need to fix this before I snap completely . Please help me!

plipplops · 12/02/2015 14:44

iseesmiley I don't have much helpful advice to give but didn't want to read and run. Can you maybe try your local children's centre, they may have some parenting classes or something?? It sounds like your DS understands how stressed and run down you are and is reacting to it, rather than that he's necessarily a bad child (he's very little, children enter into all sorts of power plays but they also know when Mummy is upset or distracted and it can really affect their behaviour). I don't know much about social housing but can the local authority help you find somewhere to stay?

Any day it's half decent weather I'd get him to the park (or wherever) to run off some steam, and also as there's not much to break at the park can you actively try and back off rather than snapping at him. Sometimes you can get in a situation where you expect the bad behaviour so much that the minute they do anything slightly annoying you(I) bark at them straight away so the poor buggers don't have a chance. I like the post earlier in this thread about pretending to be a good parent too, if you imagine you were on TV before you speak to them it can give you the breathing space to take a breath and be kinder.

I doubt that's much use, hopefully someone else might have something more helpful to say.

(oh and to start a new thread, go into any thread and there's a bit just above the title that says 'start a new thread within this topic...)

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