Anyone happy be seperated from their very young DC

[wheresmypaddle]

When I had DS (now 2.5) I found it very tough to be seperated from him- I resisted all attempts by DP, my parents, In-laws, friends etc to take him off my hands to give me some time to myself.

As time moved on it felt more natural for my parents, or in-laws to have him for short periods of time which eventually graduated to whole days and nights.

A close friend of mine has just had a baby and I have found myself shocked at how early she has been comfortable to leave him- he is 7 weeks old and he has spent a couple of nights and days a week with his grandparents since birth.

I absolutely support her right to parent in her own way but it has really made me wonder if many other mothers are comfortable doing this?? Its made me wonder if in fact, I was rather neorotic in those early weeks.

So can anyone give me their feedback- is it normal to resist being seperated in the first few months.....

And there is nothing wrong in needing a break from your dc. Just as there's nothing wrong in not wanting one.

It's not really a case of there being a right or wrong way of feeling about leaving your babies. We're all different.

I never thought I'd want to leave my nipper with someone else at a young age. I thought it would be impossible as we were so closely bonded. But I had no choice, and in the end I found it much easier than I'd anticipated.

I don't think that makes me a cold, heartless monster mommy.

On the other hand, if I hadn't found it easy, I don't think that would have made me a manic, pfb, neurotic mommy either.

Both ways can make me only one thing. A mum. A unique individual who reacts to circumstances in a unique way.

Roeslily I felt awful reading your post. You are a reasonable human being who jumped at the chance for a rest from an awkward situation. Having a baby doesn't make you superwoman, so please don't feel pressed into wearing your pants over your tights. You're a human being and you deserve a rest if you get the chance.

I left my baby for no better a reason than money and a bit of independence. You left yours for one night for your sanity.

Your DH should be proud that you know how to prioritise the needs of your family. You need to sleep so you can look after your child better. NEVER be ashamed of taking a break when you need one.

Right....soapbox back under the sink, I'm off to cook tea

I left my PFB with his dad and grandad a week after he was born to go out to a play with my mother.

To me, him being with his dad/grandad/grandmother/other close family member is the same as him being with me. Especially his dad.

I would have if I'd had anyone to leave them with.

When Ds was born it was an almighty shock to the system. (as I guess it is for most first time mums)

Leaving your child with other people (like capable grandparents who love and cherish them) hardly makes you less of a mother. But maybe a happier, better rested mother.

mazzy- you said it.
My parents are both dead and pils don't give two hoots about the grandchildren, except when boasting to their friends.
We had NO ONE to leave dd with - but from 6 weeks I had every Saturday afternoon off to give me some peace. Dh was more than capable....at 8 months I went to NY for a girly holiday, and didn't miss her.
I would say to new mums- if someone offers- have some time away.

Having a baby was a huge shock to my system even though she was planned. My DH and I had never even held a newborn before she was born so we both jumped at the chance when my very-experienced MIL came to stay with us for a week when we brought baby home. She was a Godsend and taught us so much. The best thing she taught us was "Don't be afraid of her crying".

My baby bonded with all three of us really and so from week 2 my MIL started looking after DD for a day so DH and I could go out. My DD is 16 months now and since she began sleeping through at 12 weeks, my MIL has kept her overnight every few weeks. Most recently MIL looked after DD for a week when DH and I went on holiday.

DD's bond with my mum and DH's mum is so so so strong now; plus she had formed a deep bond with her childminder (I work). Everyone remarks on how sociable and contented she is with other people and yet, and yet... she always cries out "Mummy! Daddy!" and jumps into our arms for cuddles so all in all - she's been fine.

She is my only child but my bond with her has NOT weakended because she has bonded with others too.

Nobody has said that leaving/not leaving your child is because of any concern about the mother/child bond, so I don't think anyone needs to worry (either way, that children who are left with others have a "weaker" bond or that children always with their mothers are "less sociable" or whatever).

Squilly said wise words. We're all just people and nobody should feel bad.

To the OP, your friend obviously feels very differently to you but you shouldn't be thinking that makes you "neurotic" (though we're all maybe a bit loopy in those first few weeks, hormones/lack of sleep/general topsyturvy worldness ). There's no point in making ourselves feel bad, there are enough things that will make mothers feel guilty let's not add to it.

FWIW, my youngest is 18 months and I've never left her overnight with anyone.... but she has been going to nursery 3 days a week since she 10 months old... not sure exactly where that leaves me

I could hardly stand to have mine out of my line of sight in the early weeks, I was happiest when they were in my arms or in a sling with me. Once they were a few weeks old I would leave them with DP or my Mum with a bottle of ebm for a few hours. DD1 stayed overnight with my sister when she was nearly 11 months old, DP's work put on an all expenses paid night out for all the staff and partners, including overnight in a very expensive hotel. I was swept along by everyone and went, but I worried thought about her all night, and had to pump my swollen boobs at 1am, and barely slept, and with hindsight I doubt I would do it again!

DD1 recently started sleeping over at my folks, she's 6, and I am comfortable with this, but DD2 (3) is a long way from being ready, and I am not in any hurry to pack her off either.

Each to thier own, but I am always a bit at those who bundle brand new babies off to IL's overnight, I just don't understand it!!