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Parenting

Horrible mother - Lost my temper, Lost control

20 replies

EJsMum · 27/05/2003 10:08

What a great start to the half term week....

I've just completely flipped out at my DS2 (aged 9 1/2). DS2 was sat on his bed playing with 9mo DD when I heard an enormous crash and DD started screaming. DD had fallen face first off the bed and had hit the wall and then the floor (carpeted, thankfully). I then in my blind panic scooped DD up and screamed at DS2 for not watching her (they are constantly reminded that she needs to be watched at all times), he then started crying - the hiccuppy, hysterical sort of crying, and apologising.

Having checked DD over and calmed her down she seems fine but I feel terrible for reacting to DS the way I did. He seems ok now but I wish I'd have handled it better.

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WideWebWitch · 27/05/2003 10:13

Be honest, tell him you're sorry and you over reacted because she's so young. Tell him you were the same with him when he was a baby and that you've made the same mistake and been just as hard on yourself (if you have, and if you haven't, blimey, well done!). Give him a huge hug and tell him you love him - he will forget about it by the end of the day. They're both fine, that's the main thing but I do know how it feels to lose it sometimes. I've done it and regretted it too but all you can do really is say sorry, move on and try not to do it next time (easier said than done, I know).

WideWebWitch · 27/05/2003 10:14

Oh and you're not a horrible mother, you're a normal one I think

aloha · 27/05/2003 10:18

I agree. Sit down, apologise and explain why you reacted like that - you were very frightened and worried about the baby - and that you realise it was just a mistake. I think it's important to say sorry to children, and then you can all move on.

EJsMum · 27/05/2003 10:19

He's a really sensitive soul and it took a while for him accept his sister, whereas his older brother (11) took on the responsibilty with zeal.

He seems fine with me now ( a little distanced perhaps but not too bad) and is playing on the Playstation with his brother as I type but I still feel the awful 'hindsight guilt'.

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aloha · 27/05/2003 10:38

I would still apologise. Ds rolled off the bed once while I was 'watching him' and gave himself a big bump on the head - and I'm 39, not nine. But nobody shouted at me and I would have been devastated (and very angry!) if they had. We all make mistakes. It's not a sign of lack of love or responsibility. He's only a child himself.

EJsMum · 27/05/2003 10:45

I apologised to him and explained why I behaved the way I did immediately after the event and as I said he is fine.

With the greatest respect I'm not stupid and I realise that I upset him, I don't need you to point that out to me Aloha.

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aloha · 27/05/2003 10:49

OK, but you didn't say that in your last message. I was just pointing out that we all make mistakes - and I do think it's a lot to expect of a nine year old to be the perfect childcarer.

aloha · 27/05/2003 10:57

Also, I thought, and I may be wrong, that your message implied that you thought that your child's ambivalence about his sister might be the result of his not being so keen on her. Well, I'm very keen on my ds but still let him roll off the bed. That's all.

aloha · 27/05/2003 10:58

I meant 'abivalence about his sister might be the reason he let the accident happen."

EJsMum · 27/05/2003 10:59

Maybe I didn't make that clear in my posting, perhaps I thought that it was a given.

BTW I do not expect him to be the 'perfect childcarer', I left him playing with his sister for 10 minutes on a soft bed. I admit that, with hindsight, that was a mistake.

There was an accident and I got angry in the heat of the moment - not the right way to handle it I know, but I was looking for constructive advice / support not an attack. Perhaps that is not how you meant it but that is how it came across to me, believe me no one can make me feel worse about this than I already feel.

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EJsMum · 27/05/2003 11:04

When I mentioned the difficulties he had earlier on with his new sister, I meant that he withdrew from us not that he was ever cold or ambivalent with her. This lasted a few weeks.

I was concerned that my reaction may make him feel those sorts of feelings again and did not mean to imply that I felt that he was somehow responsible.

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M2T · 27/05/2003 11:09

Ejsmum - I'm sure Aloha wasn't attacking you. You are NOT a bad mother, we all get complacent at times and it's incidents like this that make you realise how quickly accidents can happen. But all is well, coz no-one was hurt. And there has been no long term upset.

Just don't worry about it anymore. My ds fell face first out of his buggy a few months ago coz dp FORGOT to strap him in!! He landed on the road, but luckily no cars were coming. We check 10 times each now to make sure he's strapped in!

You should have a read at Worst Mothers Ever thread..... although it made me giggle it just shows you how things happen......... very scary!

Ghosty · 27/05/2003 11:09

EJsMum ... I don't think that Aloha was having a go ... at least it didn't read that way to me ... I think she was just trying to help.
It was obviously and unfortunate mistake (your baby falling off the bed) and you are aware that your son is feeling bad about it and you and he have talked about it. I don't think you should beat yourself up about it ... you are not a horrible mother at all ...

EJsMum · 27/05/2003 11:16

Sorry Aloha, I'm obviously being over-sensitive.

Am now extra reassured that all is forgiven as DS2 is playing The Sims on his playstation which is a game where you make a family and neighbourhood and he made me first with a mean score of 1 (1-5) !

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EJsMum · 27/05/2003 11:19

1 is good btw !!!

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EJsMum · 27/05/2003 11:23

However he has just made my character fix the tv and electrocuted me !!!

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EJsMum · 27/05/2003 11:24

Am not dead though

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EJsMum · 27/05/2003 11:28

Have also been told that I need to read more books 'cos I need to learn to cook! I hope he means my character

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M2T · 27/05/2003 11:46

MY GOD you sound like my Mum.... She is obsessed with the SIMS and my brothers don't get a lookin!

EJsMum · 27/05/2003 12:17

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