Tips on how to deal with difficult mothers of your pre-school child's friends

[GoingLoopy]

Ds1 (4 1/2) has just started pre-school and has struck up a friendship with our next door neighbours son. We have very different ideas about parenting. They are extremely stict and controlling parents, kids are not allowed to get dirty, all toys are brand new and stay looking brand new, where as we give our kids a lot of freedom, and try to focus on the important things.
She has accused my son of doing all sorts of things which she talks to other mothers about - including ruining her ds's 5th birthday party.
How do you deal with this stuff? He is my oldest child and I am not living in my home country so language with the mother is an issue.
I don't want to stop them playing together because I want my son to choose he friends, but I don't think its good for him to go there to play because he gets told every 2 minutes that he can't do something and I'm not sure I want her ds to come here because my ds gets blamed for her ds's bad behaviour.

I must add that my ds is a really normal 4 year old, he is a little bit louder than most and has a huge amount of energy. He plays well, has a good imagination and knows right from wrong. He is doing very well at school, his teacher is very positive about him as are the parents of other kids he plays with. problem is this family are our neigbours so see her every day and the boy seems to be the best friend.

MAybe it seems petty but I am a sahm and its really bothering me because its so close

i think your ds may become bored soon of being told off constantly by friends mother!

if she didn't approve she would stop her son coming over to play....?

let the friendship run its course and they will make other friends soon.

your ds sounds like an average 'normal' sort of boy and it can e hurtful if your child is seen as the 'problem' one....try not to dwell on it too much

She's probably bitching and whining about all the other kids as well though. I would just encourage him to see other children and ignore them.

I'd imagine the other mothers groan inwardly when they see her coming, your ds sounds lovely

Sign him up to an activity outside of preschool and encourage him to bring the other children home to make friends.

You are all so nice!!!

thanks wider.... my ds was going over there because they have huge garden, but a few weeks ago she stopped it, because her ds was behaving badly...! I don't want to stop them playing because I also think the friendship will run its course and he will find other friends.

He is a very normal boy and I'm doing a pretty good job of mother, but this woman has sown seeds of self doubt!

good point ninah!

our children are all someones 'wild' ones. my ds best friends parents are much stricter than us and the little boy is exeptionally well behaved....they probably think my son is bonkers. my ds has a friend who i think is wild...his parents probably think that my ds is really well behaved, he is so i think don't worry. Also i agree about inward groaning when they see her coming....she sounds really uptight!!

Sounds like her poor DS will have plenty of friendships that will 'run their course'.

You sound like a fab Mum - who will produce a fun well balanced child !