MIL has not welcomed DS2

[ibangthedrums]

DS2 is 6 months old and DS1 is 3. MIL and DS1 have had a very close, intense relationship since he was born which is lovely for both of them. It has also been useful for us in terms of childcare etc.

MIL is a worrier and was concerned when I was Pg about how she would manage two children (DH is an only child).

Since DS2 has been born she has concentrated all her attention on DS1. She still does not feel confident to look after two children so when she comes to our house she spends all her time with DS1 (he does demand her attention and she is not able to say no to him). DS1 has spent some time at her house on his own. DS2 has spent hardly any time with her.

I am concerned about how this situation will play out long term. I do not want DS2 to feel left out but I know he won't have the same relationship with MIL. DH and I have spoken and he has acknowledged it is an issue. He has also agreed that although she loves him as he is her grandson she thinks her life would be much easier if he had not been born.

Does anyone have any advice as to how we could handle this? I know we cannot expect childcare from her but I do not want DS1 to carry on with his close relationship and DS2 to get left behind.

I have a similar situation in almost identical circumstances.

What I've done is to leave the younger one with the inlaws for a couple of hours and go out with the older one. It has been good for us all: the grandparents get some 1 to 1 time with the baby while I get 1 to 1 time with my older son.

what a sad situation

yes i agree as ds2 gets older he will feel left out , is there any way you both could sit your mil down & gently discuss this with her , i doubt if she is making a conscious decision to ignore your ds2 but that is how it will feel to him as he gets older he will start to pick up on this .

MIL has made to fairly clear that she would much rather spend her time with DS1 and is not willing to tell him that he cannot stay with her because DS2 is. Also as she is a worrier she is not confident with DS2 as she does not know him very well (chicken and egg situation I know!)

She has looked after both for about an hour when I had a dentists appt. She said she found it very stressful. DS2 is a v laid back baby but as he gets more active it will only be harder.