Dilemma

[Thara]

Hi ladies,

I'm the mummy of three lovely angels (the youngest are 6 weeks old twins, eldest 22months. I decided before the twins were born that I was never going to be able to breastfeed them exclusively and would have to formula feed as well. When they were born at 36 wks +5 days, the youngest was taken to SCBU for a couple of days where she started on formula. My other twin couldn't latch on properly, she started on formula as well. This was a decision I now now regret so much, I wish I had been more persistant. They got used to the bottle and now I can't breastfeed them. I'm pumping, but I only manage about 17oz a day. I now wish I had made every effort to breastfeed them exclusively especially as they were preterm and low birthweight) Is there any hope for me? I have tried to put them on my boobs, sometimes the lil one tries but can't latch on properly and then gives up.

I don't co sleep with my babies because of the risk of cot death and I don't breastfeed my babies and I'm starting to feel down as I'm not doing everything I did for my eldest baby (co slept and breastfed)

My other problem is that I would like to be the only person to feed my babies regularly to have the bond with them. But my mother in law, who is a really lovely lady, comes over to mine on weekdays to help out and I really appreciate her help, but she asks to feed the babies. I don't really like this but I give the bottle to her. She talks to them and picks them up when they cry before I get there. I don't want to sound ungrateful, but I'm getting slightly jealous, I feel like they're going to have a strong bond. Things weren't helped by the fact that my youngest baby smiled at her for the first time and not me :'(

Please advice (feel free to have a go at me for being ungrateful, I need to be put in my place!)

You are not being ungrateful. You are just like tonnes of other mums.

There will be someone who will be here soon who will know if you can reestablish breast feeding, but until then, you have 2 babies can't you and your mil feed a baby each?

I admire anyone with twins-and you have another who is still a baby! Don't tire yourself out trying to be perfect. It would have been nice to breast feed but it isn't the end of the world not to. I would accept all the help you can get. The babies will know that you are the mum. If someone else helps feed them you can be relaxed and enjoy them more, than getting all stressed because you want to do everything yourself.

Don't worry about not being able to breastfeed. My twins were 4 weeks prem and unfortunately I couldn't breastfeed so mine went on formula straight away. Do not feel guilty. You're doing a great job. I used to feed both mine at the same time (they sat in their bouncy chairs) and they did manage to get onto the same feeding routine which made life easier.

You're lucky that you get on with your MIL and it's great that she helps out. I think it's only natural that you would want to spend time with your babies yourself. Is there a tactful way that you could suggest to your MIL that while you really appreciate her help, you would like to spend time with your twins. Perhaps she could help out by taking some of the housework off your hands. When mine were born my mum came round nearly every day for a couple of weeks, but only cos I'd had a c section and was still sore. She did hoovering and sometimes took the washing away with her. I really appreciated that and it meant I had time to spend with my little ones.

I felt like that when I couldn't breastfeed my singleton - I didn't want anyone but me and DH to feed him. Then my (oh-so-sensitive dad) wandered in one day while I was feeding him, said 'give us that (i.e. baby & bottle) here' and had a good old squidge with DS while I thought about how I couldn't possibly explain how I felt to my (oh-so-sensitive) dad without him thinking I was mad! But I got over it. Please don't beat yourself up about it: they'll know who their mum is.

And as for the picking up - my MIL did this, and I asked her not to - I said I need to find my own way with them. She was fine about it - it is perfectly OK for you to want to manage the children yourself, as your MIL won't always be around and you need to try out things (like instant picking up vs dummy vs leaving to cry for a few seconds) and build your confidence as a mum of three.

But it is very early days. Things will settle, you'll get a routine going, and you'll feel much better

Don't really know what the write but just wanted to respond. Don't blame yourself for anything!

I fell to pieces when I had my dc2 - I tried to be a supermum and continue doing everything as before. That was with just one extra baby! Do what you need to just to get through, don't regret anything and try and enjoy as much as you can. Easy advice to give but very difficult to take.

If you really want to keep BF go and see someone in the know locally - it got me through (every baby is different and just because you did it last time doesn't make it any easier).

Congratulations - you sound like a lovely mum and all your children will recognise you as this (could your mil take your older dc for a while to give you time to bond with the babies?)