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Parenting

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Original poster

Met a boasting parent today! Cant stand it!

52 replies

parker1313 · 12/10/2009 19:35

I met a lady today who is a wife of a man I used to know when I was in my teens.
This was how I opened the conversation with her.
She then proceded to tell me about her children.Her children are the same age as mine.She said her son has just achieved his 400 mtrs in swimming (16 lengths) and her dd can swim half a length.
The dc are 5.5yrs and 2.5 yrs.
She said her husband taught the chldren themselves.
She really did go on quite alot and didnt take the time to ask me anything about myself not that I wanted to parp on about myself at all,Im just not like that.She then made a point of saying that my dd wanted a toy that her dd had and that her dd realised the height difference so she just put the toy high in the air out of her reach,.
The lady thought it was so funny that my dd could not reach because she is "so small!".
I saw her dd and my dd later on looking at each other and both making really cute faces.I thought it was very sweet that they were interacting and looked at the lady,she said "I know she's so cute isnt she!!" SHe was talking about her dd.
Thus hole thing made me feel strange.
It was almost like she was talking in a tone that made her better than me.
She took no time or effort to ask me anything about my dc or me.
It was self centered.
I wont be talking to her again.I will be polite but certainly wont be going out of my way.
Am i being unreasonable (sorry prob should of out this is that category)
It made me question myself alot on whether I was being jelous or whether I thought I was a crap parent.
Iv thought hard and have got over it now.I feel farely confident as a parent and do my absolute best.
Im being silly I know.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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alwayslookingforanswers · 13/10/2009 00:01

notime -there are plenty of ways to tell people about yourself without boasting continuously about yoru children

notimetoshop · 13/10/2009 00:38

True and just as well really, or I'd never have anything to say. (just kidding, kids)

Tee2072 · 13/10/2009 07:38

Notimetoshop...all you have to do is ask a question. Personally, if someone is going on and on about themselves/their children/whatever I would think it would be rude to interrupt. All you have to say is: 'And then little Johnny swam 2 laps. How many laps can your little one swim?'

And suddenly you are having a conversation rather than a monologue.

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FABIsInTraining · 13/10/2009 07:41

She must be very self centred or very insecure to be bigging herself up and putting others down in the process. Take no notice. I thought your DD was much cuter.

sarah293 · 13/10/2009 07:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Romanarama · 13/10/2009 08:01

Notime that's a lousy way to make conversation. Much better to ask a question and then follow up on it. People aren't expecting you to 'entertain' them.

NightShoe · 13/10/2009 12:04

notimetoshop - That's me! I had no idea it was a style, I thought I was just socially stilted and I hate speaking to people who ask me 101 questions, it is like being interrogated.

Original poster

parker1313 · 13/10/2009 12:06

Fabsintraining??
Were you there?? Do I know you??

OP posts:

Hassled · 13/10/2009 12:11

My SIL does this - turning any conversational opener back around into how great/funny/clever her children are. But in my SIL's case I don't think she means to brag - she doesn't have much of a social life, her DH is the silent type and I think she just doesn't have the opportunity to share the little, important stuff with people. So it all comes out at once when she does get the chance, and it sounds like shameless boasting.

FABIsInTraining · 13/10/2009 13:08

No, just trying to make you smile.

lovechoc · 13/10/2009 13:15

agree with others, just ignore this woman. how sad...

I go out of my way to talk about other people DC rather than my own when engaged in conversation with other mothers. Who on earth wants to hear me bleating on about my own DS?! Fair enough if you're asked a question but to just go blah blah blah about your own DC without a pause it's just rude and does show she's nothing else to do with her time, really.

Someone needs a hobby!

jeee · 13/10/2009 13:18

You could always refer her to Mumsnet. There's loads of genius children on this site.

gebethonson · 13/10/2009 17:23

Everyone is individual and that is the beauty of being human! Ever heard of 'Alpha' and 'Beta' parenting styles? basically the former is more assertive type of parenting style and the latter is more relaxed! There's no need for anyone to get uptight about these situations, just accept that everyone is different and none better than another! It's bloody hard to be that objective when confronted by mums of a certain type, but comming from the Beta camp I have given up trying to compare myself with the Alpha mums so, I just be... and if others find me boring, or disorganised or, basically inferior to themselves... then so be it! I would rather have my beautiful, endearing, relaxed, happy, children than bossy, uptight, popular (for the wrong reasons, children, which mine are not!

thesecondcoming · 13/10/2009 19:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

parker1313 · 13/10/2009 19:31

Notime, I didnt say that I didnt speak at all.I hummered her politely and said bits but she wouldnt let me get a word in and I don not spend my time comparing my children to strangers children.She was plane bragging and there is no gettin away from it!
I certainly do no sit there not contributing to any conversation. Im very chatty and attentive at the right times.
I dont expect to be entertained at all.
I feel sorry for you if everytime you're out you feel that sort of pressure.I think Id get quite depressed by it.

OP posts:

Original poster

parker1313 · 13/10/2009 19:32

lovechoc I totally agree with everyting you said.

OP posts:

ZZZenAgain · 13/10/2009 19:33

bragging mums (and dads) are so wearying. I just cannot be bothered with it these days, I might just even turn and walk away in the middle of it

Honestly

Perhaps you could learn to pat her on the shoulder and say "you really mustn't worry, I am sure she'll be fine" (perhaps with a look of great concern on your face) - and then walk away immediately. It will annoy the heck out of her but I would feel it was worth it

lovechoc · 13/10/2009 19:42

for me, the novelty of taking DS to a parent and toddler group wore off after two sessions, got fed up of everyone else bragging about how their DC does this and that and eats this well and that well. who gives a fig. prattle on in your own time, don't bore everyone else with your drivvle.

talking about non related DC topics will however grab my attention because it's not a competition to see who's DC is 'best'...

notimetoshop · 13/10/2009 23:17

I expect everyone has moved onto discussing something else. but Parker1313, I have come on just explain I did feel I was wrong to say I find people like 'you' exhausting. I thought it would get your attention, but really it wasn't about you, I was exaggerating to make the point that there are different styles of conversation. I think Romanarama and Nightshoe are clear examples. I talk about myself, then go home and worry that I talked about myself. But I find it hard to think of nice neutral questions and relax when I meet people who are happy to just chat about themselves or kids. Anyway, that's by the by. It's up to you. And if she makes you feel bad, then don't pursue it.

poshsinglemum · 14/10/2009 05:11

I really miss going to the pub and having frivolous, light-hearted jokey conversations with normal people friends. I'm dreading all this achievement crap. Ho hum.

skidoodle · 14/10/2009 05:28

Why would you show up at a parent and toddler group if you were going to get all angry about people talking about their children?

I think it is pretty fair to say that those people were "prattling in their own time".

Do you really think anyone is interested in winning the competition to grab your attention?

nooka · 14/10/2009 05:55

Mother and toddler groups are terrible places IMO. The only thing people have in common are their babies, so that's what they talk about (not too surprising there). I found them really quite scary, as I enjoy talking about many things, but (in general) find baby stuff quite limiting, and I'm not the most extroverted person. So I'd either say nothing at all and wish I wasn't there, or probably get it all wrong and make the people I was talking to wish I wasn't there!

Although a conversation along the lines of "my dc can swim x lengths how about your dc" would seem to me to be ultracompetitive, and I suppose that's the problem with a lot of those conversation starters.

Weirdly at the children's gym class a few years later I made a couple of excellent friends. We talked about our partners infidelities, and our own romantic adventures. Much more fun (I have no idea how that happened though!)

Shells · 14/10/2009 06:21

Its interesting isn't it. I sort of see those groups as 'work talk'. After all, it is 'work' for those who attend them (the grown ups anyway), and everyone with jobs needs to offload and discuss how to do things (although boasting is not required).

I don't like those who sneer at mother and toddler groups as I think they serve a purpose.

But you also need other outlets for conversation. Go out with your good friends and make a pledge not to talk kids. Those are my best times.

ssd · 14/10/2009 08:08

I've just recently had a conversation (well she talked I stood there wondering how to escape) with a mother like the one described on the op. BUT this mother was in her 60's, her daughter is in her 30's.. The daughter has married into money and its obviously made the mothers day as all she talked about was what they are buying. We haven't much money and its obvious to anyone how skint we are. But this mother went on for about 20 minutes about what sort of amazingly ginormous house her daughter has, how many holidays they take, what designer labels they wear, even down to how many designer tiles they have in their fifty million en suite bathrooms! I really just stood there agast this woman could boast so much, I hardly have spoken to this woman in the past (now I know why!!) and now I know her daughters lifestyle and business outside in.

I second the op in asking what makes people like this? It was obvious the woman wasn't interested in hearing anything about my family, she never once asked. Just launched into her daughters story. I can imagine her daughter would ne mortified to find her muother boasting to people about her (or maybe like mum like daughter, she'd join in )

I walked away from this woman gob smacked

GooseyLoosey · 14/10/2009 08:22

I recently had a conversation where I found I had said boastful things about ds. I never normally do this. I thought about why I had on this occassion. I decided that the reason for it was that I was so fed up of knowhing that he has no friends and never gets invited to class parties and dealing with his social problems that I really, really wanted to say positive things about him and make people see him in a positive light. I wished I hadn't said anything afterwards though.

Do think sometimes why people do this - they might just be fed up of focusing on the negative all of the time.

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