Smug mothers - do you know what I mean?

[catriona1]

I have a group of 6 friends (we meet once a week through a local NCT group) and now all have 3 year olds and some have babies again and some at primary school. I have to say I have nothing in common with them other than the fact that our toddlers are the same age and feel apart from this I have nothing really to talk to them about. I am the only one that works (part-time) whilst they are all SAHMs which to me personally sounds dull and all they have to think about is when to go to Sainsburies and what outfits from Next to buy for their kids.

I feel over-critical and don't regard them as close friends at all but feel like asking them if they have anything else going on in their perfect lives with perfect houses and children and husbands. Me, I am trying to keep an even keel in a rocky r-ship and not much money with few other good friends with children.

Does anyone else know this stereo-type or am I barking up the wrong tree and ignore my underlying opinions???

Well personally I think that you should -

Oops! Sorry! No time to finish the sentence. Sainsburys beckons.

I met my group of friends at postnatal class, and the main thing we have incommon is our children. But it is nice to meet with children of the same age and i am adult enough to make small talk for a couple of hours a week and these people have turned into true friends, people i could turn to if i needed help. We are all stay at home mums, but are bust doing our own thing all week, and just meet for a chat, moan, giggle once a week. Sometimes i am not in the mood, so i don't go, same as play group really, and they all get on without me, they certainly don't need me to add anything exciting to their conversations. Oh and we are all smug! SHow me a parent who isn't.

Cat, i am a sahm but still feel the same as you about my toddler mums with their new babies and competitions. Being a more mature in years mum, i sit back and listen to what all their kids are capable of and whisper in my head 'yes but my child was doing that 6 months ago'. I have a right chuckle to myself without the embarrassment of having to justify the years and abilities of my child.

I'd rather have no friends than ones who think I'm a bore. If you can't tolerate these people drop 'em.

soph, looks like i killed the thread this time!!!! Im out of here

Pino, you saved my bacon. The prob is that you think they think you are a bore but in fact that isnt the case at all. The cycle goes on. You start becoming paranoid, it what they call a gut feeling (the most intelligent way of summing up a situation). I have tried dropping and running several times but they just keep texting. OOOOH miss popular I hear you cry. I bet this is the same with you Cat. You are just a nice gal not wishing to hurt anyones feelings at the expense of your own.

umm just to put my tuppence worth in - dont all mums who dont know each other that well like other mums to think life is perfect - best respect c1 but perhaps you need to look below the surface of their lives and see a bit more truth. To be perfectly frank you sound resentful and jealous of their easier lives.By the way, i am a working single mum and i dont begrudge anyone the right to live their lives as they see fit. I certainly would not spend time in the company of people when the only thing i was doing is slating them in my head! I am sure you are a fab mum and a hard working women but perhaps you need to look at why you are judging them so hard.

Pino, you saved my bacon. The prob is that you think they think you are a bore but in fact that isnt the case at all. The cycle goes on. You start becoming paranoid, it what they call a gut feeling (the most intelligent way of summing up a situation). I have tried dropping and running several times but they just keep texting. OOOOH miss popular I hear you cry. I bet this is the same with you Cat. You are just a nice gal not wishing to hurt anyones feelings at the expense of your own.

Didn't you watch Desperate Housewives??

DS is 4

I used to call this nonsense the Baby Olympics

Message withdrawn

true smug SAHMs don't actually go to sainsburys to be fair, they wait for their Waitrose delivery

Twiglett - snurk

Ocado, Twig, Ocado...

And I never buy from Next. Purlease.

ok you have forced me ' HARRODS 'luvvy.

tee hee not sure if i spelt it right!

Rather de trop, trixie darling.

If you all had babies together, I would cherish those friendships. I made some incredibly close friends when I had my first ds1: I'd just moved house, so didn't know anyone. And the fact that we were all new mums, and didn't have a clue about babies (and mn didn't exist!) meant we already had a huge amount in common, and it transcended the boundaries that normally exist surrounding finance, class, culture, education, marital status, working or not ... We now live 350 miles from these people, and I still keep in close contact because of the bonds we forged at that time. Though it's not the same, and I wish we were still geographically close.

If I were you I would treasure these people.

oh I never bother with the delivery people snafu its the origin that counts

and of course, the premium price paid

nice one twiggers

I am a little confused, when i meet up with my "mummy" friends we all mention things that our little ones have done. I don't see it as being smug, merely chatting about out kids. When one of them does something we are all please, and i would be upset if people said or thought, mine was doing that ages ago. It isn't a competition, to me those are the smug people. As an example, my dd was a late walker - she didn't start till 16mths - every mum was chuffed for me and her, the same as they were when one of the others walked at 10mths.
If you don't like going along then stop going, perhaps there is a playgroup, music club or something you could join instead?

Fee, you miss my point. They are all competitive to the point of ridiculous. All I am saying is that I am not stupid enough to be vocal about it because it ups their stakes. I will think it only if it is true but I think it is wrong to voice it to make it a competition. Natural mums are very keen to see other children get on and encourage where there are probs. But there are others who thrive on boasting and always out doing the last.

OK, I know not all SAHm's are smug. But I think what Catriona1 is talking about are those who imply in one way or another that they are "better" than a mum who works. I have heard women who say that they don't "farm their children out" to childcare and insinuate that to put a child into nursery is the greatest crime ever. All over a cup of coffee and homemade muffins! To be on the receiving end of that when you have to ( or maybe choose to ) work and take great care that your children are properly cared for is upsetting. But I am NOT saying that all SAHMS would put a working mum down like this!