I have a friend who I like very much. She is very kind and generous.
She is also a bit blinkered when it comes to her children. Maybe defensive is more apt.
She knows that some parents think her eldest child is too rough and that she isn't strict enough. He has a long history of physically hurting other children. She puts this down a lot to him simply being a boy. Which to be fair, is probably true for some of his behaviour but he does routinely go a bit too far.
I think that because of this, she is very sensitive to praising her children publicly but also loudly noting the 'naughty' behaviour of other children. She does like to point out other children's faults and foibles and compare them unfavourably to her children. I forgive her for this usually because I just see her as being very insecure on this issue and needing recognition that her children are bright, forward, kind, etc.
But her pointing out other children's misdemeanours has begun to piss me off. Because she tells other children off but is far more backward in telling her own kids off. And when her own kids do something 'naughty', she always makes excuses for them. She really plays down what they did, and plays up what your child did.
This friend had a party at her house the other day for her youngest dc, and my DD (4) had a tantrum because she wanted a prize but didn't get one because she didn't win a game. I told my child off. But my friend was a bit harsh, telling my child that if she wanted to win, she needed to stay focused on the game. And then told her she would find her a prize, but later told her she wouldn't because it wasn't fair on other children. I did tell my child off several times for the fuss she was making and made it clear she wouldn't get a prize, and said we were going home. I eventually calmed her down and ceased her tears. So by the time we stepped out of my friend's front door, my DD was fine and wasn't crying. But then my friend stopped my DD on the stairs outside her house and gave her a big speech in front of everyone about how it wasn't fair if my DD got a prize when she didn't win and other people didn't. Cue my DD crying again. My friend and my daughter standing on the stairs was blocking people from leaving. My friend then turned towards her other guests as if exasperated with my DD and didn't say goodbye to me. So I was left with a child, who had got over been uspet, who was now upset again.
What annoyed me about this was that during the party, my friend's 7 year old DS had several major trantrums. At one point he made a 4 year old girl cry. She had accidentally put a chair on his bare foot, and he shouted at her "you're an idiot!" Fair enough, he was cross, he eventually apologised. But when this girl's parents came to pick her up, my friend told them about their daughter accidentally putting a chair on her son's foot and that they then had an altercation. But no, they didn't, it was her son shouting at the girl, the girl didn't respond to him in any way.
Sorry, this is long. I'm just a bit sick and tired of my friend making a song and dance out of other children's bad behaviour but not her own kids'. I feel that my friend is likely to tell others that my DD had a tantrum, but not mention the many tantrums her much older DS had, which led to him being carried out of the room at least twice. I suspect that my friend will mention it to me, not in a big way as it wasn't a massive tantrum but when talking about the party. I'm getting worked up wondering how to respond. I'm tempted to mention her own son's bad behaviour but that would be petty. I also feel upset that she turned inside again without saying goodbye to me, but she probably just got distracted by her other guests. I just worry that she was cross with my child.
I'm probably being oversensitive