Have I damaged my relationship with 5 month old DD? (longish sorry)

[littleduck]

Had a couple of difficult days with DD. I am (reluctantly but we need the money for bills) going back to work in Nov and am trying to get her to start taking bottles before she starts nursery.

Started with EBM and after a struggle over about a week she was happily accepting the bottle. Impractical for me to express at work long term and I can only express v small amounts so started mixing a little formula with the EBM this week with aim of building up to full formula feeds. DD resisted bottle like mad and then had physical reaction (rash, swollen itchy eyes), GP suspects cows milk allergy so has prescribed utterly horrid hypoallergenic formula.

Am now introducing this again by mixing small amount with EBM. Again DD resisting like mad, crying etc although she has finished the bottles each time. I have praised her loads as she drinks the bottles and given her lots of cuddles and kisses when the bottles are finished, tried to keep as calm as possible although experience has been horribly upsetting and frustrating for me as well as her.

This whole carry-on has made for a very miserable baby over the past couple of days. She is normally so happy and smiley but today for example has cried on and off for no particular reasons, when I went to give her a kiss on her playmat she started crying again and I'm afraid I snapped at her asking her what on earth was wrong which made her cry even more, and kind of went 'aargh' with frustration which led to even more crying. She would hardly look at me the rest of today and seemed to push my hands away when I stroked her cheek at bedtime which she usually likes.

She seems to be chewing quite a bit today and dribbling so maybe her teeth are bothering her but I am so worried that the imposition of the bottle and the snapping have broken her trust and love for me.

It took me a long time to come to terms with a surprise pregnancy with DD and with motherhood after she arrived. The last month or so have been wonderful though, I have found it a joy to be with DD and they have been golden days. Because of things that have happened earlier in my life I haven't really been able to love anyone for so long or believe that anyone could really love me, finally with DD I feel like I am able to love this dear little person and that she loves her Mummy too and I couldn't bear to have ruined it.

I am probably being far too sensitive and over dramatising - but I suppose what I am asking is will it be OK?

yes it will be fine of course it will, you are obviously a highly excellent mummy for even worrying about it. sounds like your dd is v. lucky

Please don't worry it will be ok - we all have days like this. I'm discovering that motherhood is one long guilt trip and all you can do is your best which it sounds like you are. Try posting over on the bottle/breastfeeding topic for support and help (if you haven't already)

It will be perfectly fine. She won't even remember tomorrow.

Don't worry. I have a 5 month old DD too and the last few days she's been whingy and not as happy and smiley as she normally is. I put it down to giving her Petit Filous and it not really agreeing with her, and the fact she's teething (I think). If it's not converting from breastfeeding, it's weaning, teething, or just growing, that can upset them. So don't worry, our babies are going to be upset and irritated at some point. Babies certainly don't offer conditional love, I'm pretty sure of that! Don't worry. She wont be mad at you, maybe just a bit fed up in general, then it all passes and they adapt. But join a massive queue of worrying mums - you're certainly not alone.

You sound like a really loving Mum,and your daughter is lucky to have you as her Mummy.
Please don't feel guilty....impossible I know.You sound like you're doing well and trusting your instincts.

Littleduck - at about 5.5months DD was a bit poorly, she had to have this disgusting medicine, it couldn't be mixed with anything so had to give it to her 'straight'. She found it very distressing and we had to do it for weeks. I felt she really 'went off' me during that time. Now, a few months later I don't think she has any memory and her face beams when she catches sight of me. Just keep chanting 'this too shall pass'.
She loves her mummy, but just might not be happy with how things are going at the moment. It will pass soon, honest.

you sound like a lovely mum and any honest parent will admit to having said or done things at times that they wish they hadn't. I am sure she will be fine with you tomorrow.