Mums of four?

[Gillian76]

I'm looking for some advice from any mums of 4 (or more!)

We have 3 children DD1 aged 5 DD2 will be 4 in Sept and DS 2 next month. After DS I thought I was finished but more and more am thinking, "well, maybe..."

I found it OK going from 1 to 2 children but quite difficult from 2 to 3. I am worried I'd find it difficult to cope with 4. How do you find life with 4 children?

DD1 will be starting school in August, DD2's at nursery in the mornings. Was thinking about planning for Aug or Sept next year when DS will start nursery too.

Am I mad???

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I have 4 and youngest is 6 and I am desperately broody. I'm always looking at babies in supermarket etc and hearing them cry just makes me feel tingly all over. I think I'm just aware of time passsing and getting older and realizing I will never go through the experience of pregnancy and breastfeeding again which I know is very selfish because there are many women who don't experience it once. My sister has no children and has 3 failed ivf attempts and I could never tell her how I feel .

Answering the original question though it is hard work but I love them all so much and am so proud of them and they have brought us so many laughs I would never change it.

I can't understand why anyone would not want to have four - as long as they can afford it.

I have four, dd (9), ds1 (7), ds2 (5), ds3 (3) and baby due October.

Yes, it is obviously more expensive, although there are some "economies of scale" to be had. You can still have a tidy house if you train the children - not easy but get's better as they get older. The three older children don't tidy up of their own accord but when told to they will usually do it without grumbling. I'm lucky my oldest is a girl as she likes being "second mum". She'll often have got breakfast laid out before I'm downstairs and likes to help in other ways. And once one wants to help the others are much more likely to.

I'm also lucky to be able to afford a cleaner once a week and an ironing lady. Yes, the washing machine is on once or twice a day but at least I don't have all the ironing. Friends who have four (and who are also equally happy about it) either use the tumble dryer a lot or buy lots of non-iron clothes.

Most difficult time was when babe was very young and needed feeding pretty much on demand, trying to get the morning school run and packed lunches made was difficult but we did get into a routine where babe was fed around 6.30am, then usual breakfast routine, school run and then home or feed babe in car again around 9.30am.

It's also difficult if I want to take them out for the day by myself, but mainly because the 3 year old isn't so well behaved yet.

Also 2 and 3 year olds are difficult no matter how many (or few) siblings there are.

But my children gain enormously from having each other. They're always playing with each other. Doing things together. Yes, they squabble sometimes but again it usually involves the youngest one.

And life is so much more interesting. I remember being bored a lot of the time with just the one child. I haven't been bored for a long time now.

absolutely

robinia,

your dd sounds an absolute star
I wish mine were more like that but unfortunately they are either unwilling and/of hopeless. DD2 (14) has been loading the dishwasher for 18 months now (her main household chore) and still manages to do it wrong almost every time, so that half the stuff comes out still mucky or so full of water that they never dry.

I have one question, I'd love four, although dp wants three - how do you AFFORD all them

I can't imagine how expensive it is running four children..

lunavix,
I don't We're permentantly skint and I'm dreading October when dd1 starts University and we are expected to make a substantial contribution to her living expenses. At least, being in Scotland, she doesn't have to pay fees.

dp has already decided we are picking our favourite and that one goes to uni, the rest go to college...

good idea lunavix

don't think you afford how ever many children you have, you just cope, you live with an overdraft.
But i always try not to touch family allowance and that is usually christmas and holiday money.

being skint is just part the course

but hey it's fun says she who has just come in fromrunning mums and tots with ds who wouldn't go down. im exhusted and now have to pick hubby up, shovel tea down them all go to dd1 parents eve and then get two eldest to guides and put babies to bed.

Life is never never boring

Just wanted to say, I know what you have to keep quiet about Birdsong as I also have 4 children and sometimes feel broody for another but know I can never have another (dh had the snip). I too have to keep quiet about the broodiness as my sister had several failed IVF attempts and only has a dd now through adoption.

Also wanted to say to Robinia, your children are virtually the same age as mine although different sexes: mine are boy, boy, girl and boy. Also, your last one is a year older than mine, but I was trying for my last one for nearly a year so ours could have been exactly the same ages! It is nice to occasionally meet people with the same number of children and the same ages.

I don't know about 4 but I have found that having a third has been quite cheap, even saving money, as we just can't be bothered to go out much, holidays seem too much like hard work, it's easier to do nothing!

and we actually got a cheaper car after the 3rd - we sold our camper van, as camping with 3 was so stressful, and got a cheaper (old) people carrier.

you meet lots of people with big families on campsites, I guess that's because the cost of taking 4 children camping isn't much different from taking one or 2 camping, as opposed to taking them on more expensive holidays.

I have five, 11,9,7,3 and 22months. I wanted to have them all close in age, but it just didn't happen that way..

Now I'm glad of the gap because the older ones help me look after the young ones. TBH I found no difference going from 3 to 4, or from 4 to 5. Life was already chaotic, just the degree of chaos changed. And of course the amount of laundry which seems to have quadrupled.

It IS expensive going out anywhere though, because a family ticket just doesn't do it, you have to pay for one or two more.

The cinema has become a big treat now, even buying ice-creams from the shop, because they all want one, so thats 5 -6 Euro, a time.

Having said that we are going to Wales on holiday tomorrow, and we will make the most of it. We have to do without certain luxuries, on a day to day basis but so what. As I type I can hear dd telling ds3 that we are having Chinese tonight, a big treat. Really I feel they appreciate things like that far more, if they don't have them as often.

Though, I can't even think of anywhere we go where family tickets include 3 children It really irritates me that unless you are the exact combination of 2 ad 2 ch you lose out everywhere!

What also really annoys me is finding cheap holidays (doesn't happen) because nobody in europe (apparently) has hotel rooms that sleep more than 4 and hiring an apartment/villa is the only option (big bucks). But how I would love to save up and go on an all inclusive holiday with the kids so I don't have to do everything and it feels like a real holiday. Daydreaming....

Becky, my dream is an all-inclusive holiday without the kids
Seriously, have you thought about a caravanning holiday in Europe (Haven/Canvas/Eurocamp etc)- some of the sites are fabulous and the caravan's aren't too bad.

I've got four, as well. They are now 30, 25, 18 and 9. I think going up to four is a big psychological jump - you can't kid yourself you're just a slightly-larger-than-2.4 kids family any more! Dd2 has been quite a handful, I must admit. And the cost of four makes me shudder, we've paid a fortune for the boys at uni and have to shell out for dd1 from this autumn. Dh is now planning on working to 70 if he can, to pay for dd2, when her time comes.

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I have four and would not change it for the world. It is expensive but our house is far from a mad house and always clean and tidy - it just has to be! Mine are DS12 DD10 DS8 and DS2 and I am nervously early pg with number 5!
I am one of four and my life was hell as a child no attention apart from bad so I was determined to do it the opposite to how my parents did. Friends ask me how the children get enough attention ...I know its hard and they probably moan but we are fair and aware that we have a big family so we have to try that bit harder to fulfil each childs needs. The answer I give is what they do not have from me and their dad they more than make up from each other. I am not saying they dont fight or bicker but all the different relationships are so lovely. I think it makes them more interesting ( but then I would) Having a baby when my big ones were old enough to comprehend it all has brought SO much happiness into our home! I recommend four with all my heart! ( ask me later about five!)

Hi Tabitha..yes we do go camping and have been to a fab site in Southern Spain which was lovely...but still hankering after a bit of luxury. Went on all inclusive once and the thought of someone cleaning the room every day, sauntering down to every meal and having huge selection, no problems with drinks/ice creams for kids etc... it makes me drool just thinking about it....