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Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

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Original poster

Sign in here if you overreact to your child's friendship problems

37 replies

linglette · 01/10/2009 09:00

Ds1 (6.6) is doing great. Just fab. Trouble is, he's on the edge of the "cool" group in Year 2 right now and is only in it because his best friend (a bit cooler than him but a very nice child - they are well-suited) is in it. Another lad doesn't like him and wants the bf for self.

They've just reached the point where they have to start pretending not to like things that are not "cool" enough to stay in the group.

It's no big deal and it's probably good for him to start working these issues out at this point in his life. But I'm embarrassed to say I was up in the night thinking about it!

needless to say it's all about my own childhood! which was an awful lot less successful socially than DS1's has been so far . And I suppose it's also a bit about the fact that he's nearly seven now and this is the point where my ability to make things better for him starts to fade.......

Thank goodness he has a terrific relationship with his little brother, and that's for life I hope.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

bibbitybobbityhat · 01/10/2009 11:31

Me. I have lost sleep over it. 6 y/o ds is going through a bit of this at the moment at the start of Year 1. Reception was a breeze.

8 y/o dd has also had her issues.

When I start to obsess about it I remember back to my own childhood when I had the horrible experience of being dumped by my best friend in the last year of primary school. I was heartbroken and moped about it and the more I moped the bitchier my ex friend and her new best friend seemed to be. But as soon as I pulled my socks up, rationally decided to stop being sad any more, and stuck a big brave smile on my face, everything got much better. I was never bullied, as such, and was a popular girl at secondary school and uni.

So, without trying to brush the dcs concerns under the carpet, I do think you need to reassure them this is NORMAL behaviour in life. It is not very nice but it WILL happen and they will have to find a way of coping. And the best way to do so is to be brave and cheerful and find other friends and above all not become a victim.

Just my very honest opinion.

MintyCane · 01/10/2009 11:33

I second the book suggestion it is brilliant.

hullygully · 01/10/2009 11:36

I agree Bibbity. And then kill them when no one's looking.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

Original poster

linglette · 01/10/2009 11:40

lol hullygully.

"btw" means "by the way"

OP posts:

Acinonyx · 01/10/2009 14:05

Dd is only 4 in reception and it's starting already. I'm doomed. I'll be on tranquillisers before secondary school. The ever-shifting, passive-aggressive manupulative web of little girl friendships .

I find dh singularly unreceptive to my ruminations on this subject - especially late at night when he is trying to sleep. Is this typical?

troutpout · 01/10/2009 14:17

linglette...i tried the 'how to talk' book
After about a week of following book's advice(in it's very chirpy manner) both of my kids were like this:

Then dd said..."Mum..why do you keep acting weirdly and saying weird stuff?"

lol..I can't even pretend to be a good parent

hullygully · 01/10/2009 14:20

My kids asked me why whenever they told me anything, I had either experienced it or had a funny dream about it...

MintyCane · 01/10/2009 14:25

Acinonyx Ha ha at the husband yes they do not know what we are on about. Wait until secondary school when they start to like boys as well. Oh my, it is enough to drive you to drink.

troutpout Snort about your kids faces it has that effect on mine too sometimes but it looks more like this.

except one is wearing a hoodie.

I prefer the liberated parents book by the same author it is better.

Original poster

linglette · 01/10/2009 14:30

yeah but even if the book doesn't work for you, there is endless pleasure to be got (provided you have the original 1970s edition of course) from the cartoons showing fights over record players and jumpsuits and 1970s haircuts.

OP posts:

MintyCane · 01/10/2009 14:32

inthesticks · 01/10/2009 15:01

I never experienced this until DS1 was 13 and the evil witch of a girl he was in love with asked him out on Thursday then dumped him on Friday. I could have torn her limb from limb.
So glad I didn't say nasty things about her in front of DS as they are now "best friends" but not "going out"

cory · 02/10/2009 16:17

I am actually finding it quite liberating having a (nearly) 13 yo dd. Because I am beginning to see that dd isn't actually me, when she has friendships problems it isn't me having my problems all over again. She is, frankly, quite a bit brighter when it comes to social situations than I was, her strategies are better, she comes through a lot better than I did. I think one reason (apart from inheriting MIL's genes, which has got to be a bonus ) is that dd has seen a lot more genuine trouble and has had to learn how to get on with people to survive.

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