Is DD OK? distressing behaviour but is it normal.

[dreamylady]

After being picked up from CM who has her after school 3 days a week our DD had a massive 45 minute meltdown today. Provoked by a minor misdemeanor on her dad's behalf - after 10 mins screaming she wrapped herself in a blanket and lay on the floor writhing and yowling unintelligibly for another half hour. I had to move her from where she was as her dad was on an important phone call, she persistently tried to bite me, hit me, kick me for about 5 minutes while I stopped her from leaving the room.

She bit her dad last week on the way back from CM too. CM is lovely and DD has been going for a couple of years, things always calm there when we pick up.

Is it just starting school-itis? She has struggled with starting school nursery, has been upset at me leaving her and seems to have quickly attached to one of the lunchtime organisers - who had to leave her today to do something else, she told us she cried about that.

Is it post-TV behaviour disorder (she often seems to kick off after having some time in front of TV)

Is it something else related to her past? (her first mum died when she was 8 months old)She seemed to be crying about first mum during this yowling episode but i couldn't really make out what she was saying and I think it may have been a more general listing of all the things she feels wretched about rather than it just being about first mum. can't be sure - it sure was heart wrenching though

there are a couple of other things which have niggled me for a while...bcs i don't know how normal they are and wonder if we should be doing anything differently with her

when frightened about something she won't look me in the eyes so i can reassure her

she's sometimes (only sometimes)a bit uncomfortable / stiff with hugs and cuddles - OK facing away - loves sitting on knees having stories read - but easily feels crowded and likes to sit next to me for bedtime story but not have my arm round her.

on the other hand shes always happy to see me when i pick her up, is very affectionate normally, (on her terms) will stroke my hand, give me kisses, run up to be cuddled etc etc.

sorry for prob uneccesary fretting but feel the need to check in with others...

You dont say how old she is?
If she has just started school she will be exhausted and behaving irrationally. They all are at the moment.
I am witnessing all sorts of odd behaviour in our playground from worn out, tried hard all day little ones. Some even sit down and refuse to walk .

When mine have tantrumed like that I have either ignored it and tried to distract them with something amazing I just saw fly past the window (works every time) or sat next to them and held them firmly in a big hug til they stop.

If she was 8 months old when she lost her 1st Mum I'm sure she wont have been much affected by it although I'm not a child psychologist. Thats very young.

Sometimes my kids dont want my arm round them at story time, sometimes they do.

Hope this helps

When DS was this age (like lavenderkate I am assuming this is about 5) his tantrums were usually associated with the fact that he was tired and hadn't eaten for a while.

If you have some food in the car when you pick her up it might help. Particularly things like little sandwiches, bananas or dried fruit are good.

Not only does it recharge them a bit, but eating the snack distracts them as well.

I've seen you post about your dd before - it sticks in my mind because I was adopted from care at about 1, and you seem concerned that dd is not attaching to you because she is grieving her first mum. From what you say, she does seem to be attached to you. There may or may not be emotional problems due to her loss - it's so hard to know as kids react differently and you could drive yourself crazy trying to pin down affect it might have ahd.

I would be careful not to over interpret this as a cause. Many kids get less huggy as they get a bit older and want some personal space - or hugs on thier terms when they want them. My velro-clingy-super-sensitive child almost never hugs me of her own accord and now at 4, it's definitely on her terms

Tiredness is very likely a trigger here. Dd has very occaisionally had these kinds of meltdowns where I just have to let her lie on the floor and maybe hold her down to stop her hurting herself. They just totally lose the plot sometimes.

Thanks all - tiredness not hunger was definately a factor on this occasion i think - she had recently eaten, probably the only reason she could keep that rant going for 40 minutes!!

I wasn't overly concerned but it was so horrible in the moment, and i did have a couple of other niggling worries so just wanted to check in and you've reassured me Acinonyx, thanks..