Bored to tears being SAHM??

[moomer]

I couldn't wait to give up work and become a full-time Mum and now.. I think I'm going to have to go back to work as I'm so bored! (Contrary I know). I can't help feeling disappointed/guilty that I don't enjoy it more (and envious of all those Mums who see to love it) I don't have a big group of Mum friends(one or two good ones now but meeting up with them once/twice a week just isn't enough.) It's the washing, the ironing, the shopping, the park etc day in, day out that I find hard to cope with.

Anyway this is all a bit self-indulgent there are lots of people who have much worse problems/dilemmas but I just wanted to know if anyone out there was feeling similar.
p.s my LO has recently turned 1 and is fab - which makes the guilt worse!

Can you go back part time? I have always worked part time and it almost saves me from insanity

do you have any hobbies? anything you like doing, sewing, painting, photography? i wonder if a few hours a week spent on something you are doing purely for yourself would help.

I took a year off when DS was born and it was wonderful. It was also very tedious at times. Quite how tedious I only realised when I went back to work three days a week which I absolutely loved (and still love).

Ultimately everyone is different and everyone has different needs and you shouldn't feel guilty about being bored at being a SAHM - it can be very hard and very lonely. Maybe it just isn't for you ... Have you thought about going back to work, if only part-time?

I am now pregnant again and plan on taking the full year off. I think this is the best thing for my DCs and also for me as it is wonderful to spend that time with them. But I am worried that I will go a little bonkers. I've decided that the key thing for me is to organise one activity a day which gets me into adult company - otherwise I get very lonely. I also have a cleaner so that I am not too ground down by the housekeeping. If I were you I would also try to find some me time - do you ever get a break? I really do think that is important too.

I come on mumsnet tonight as I feel exactly the same. I gave up work in January as I could not afford childcare for DT's and older ds who is at school. Now my DT's are nearly 3 they play well together and I am getting very bored. The worse thieng is housework is still not getting done as if I was working as I can't be bothered. I try to go to the gym a couple times a week but I feel my life is passing me by. I will never be able to return to my job so I really feel I have closed all the doors. At least I know I am nt the only one who feels like this. I dread my twins starting school as I have no idea what I will do all day.

I find it terribly tedious. For me though it is my inability to DO anything (even putting the washing away) without interruption. I am hoping it will get better when they are a bit more autonomous.

They are little for so such a short time. I try and tell myself that I will look back at this time as a magical time. I just can't leave babies/toddlers in full time day care - preschool for half day yes but otherwise no. I probably would work part time if I had family that could help or I could share childcare with DH. The way me and DH are doing it is that I take time off now, and once they are both a school I will work part time, term time only. By the time they are in secondary school I will hopefully be going full time and DH will be gearing down towards retirement and working freelance/part time.

I gave up work when DS was 18 months (had only been back 3 months and guilt ate me up.
However, 18-22 months was shit! It's a full on stage.
I prefer it now and am glad I did it.
I seriously think the thing that makes or breaks it is having a purpose everyday.
Monday I put him in the gym creche and go to a class. The class is 10.30am and I HAVE to be there for the creche at 10.15am.
Tuesday I go to the park then visit my gran (tuesday is our boring day)! Again, I have to get there before lunch time to give him lunch at my grans but not stay too long as he gets bored.
Wednesday I go to Surestart Rhymn Time at the Library (most places have them up and down the country. HAVE to be there 10.15am then I sit in the toy bit after and talk to all the mums while he plays until lunch time.
Thursday is a free day and I make sure I arrange to meet mums and Friday I take him to swimming lessons.
It all means I HAVE to make an effort, I have a purpose and Im rarely bored.
Without all of the above, Id rather work down the mines!!

these have made me feel much better (good old MN!) taking the nipper out for the day when he wakes up and forgetting about all the household crap that needs doing!

thanks for advice btw and yes think I'll have to consider something part-time, even if childcare costs eat up all the money! Your week sounds nice whensmydayoff!

I was a SAHm for 4 years and loved it (most of the time).

I kept myself very busy, got involved with NCT (running things for new mums), did an AS and A level at evening classes which has helped me at work, I set up a book club, moved house 200 miles away and had to set up a new home and make new friends. I hit the playgroups with a smile on my face and made some lovely friends. I also got involved with the PTA when DS1 started school. Of course, this was on top of a bazillion things with the boys.

I'm now back at work (two pt teaching jobs) and I do enjoy being at work. Nevertheless, I look back on my SAHM years as a bit of a golden time.

i go back to work in 2 weeks time for 4 days a week and my ds has hos first full day at nursery today and am a bit tearful wondering if i am sacrificing good times, alas i know i have gone a bit bonkers and will enoy work. am lucky enough to have the choice of working or not, but feel guilty having chosen to go back to work part time i hope i have made the right decision

Don't feel guilty! Your son will be fine and you'll enjoy work.

My choice to stay at home was financial and logistical. I might have carried on pt if that had been worth it for me money-wise.

Thank you

Dont feel bad.

I have times of feeling like that too. DD is now 14mths and is very independant, which is great in some ways but not so good in that i do get abit bored that she doesnt need me to entertain her.

I too try to keep busy.
Mondays is swimming lessons
Tuesday is Mother and toddler group
Wed is usually free / Housework day
Thurs and Fri is meeting up with friends and their little ones.

Have you tried going to a few groups. Good for
LO and yourself to socialise.

Somedays if i have nothing planned I make up an excuse to go out, just to get out the house and see people.
Admit that the housework does get rather tiedious!

I know where you;'re coming from. I couldn't wait to get back to work (PT) when it was my time to go back. DS was 10.5 months old.
However it's been over the last 6-8 months that I wish I was at home again. I'm thinking of the time I'm missing with DS, work has been very quiet and the people here aren't all that friendly. SO just as well I I'm starting a year's (I hope!) mat leave next week! I plan to - if possible! - enjoy my mat leave this time round much more than the first time. Looking back, the first time round was so consumed by anxiety about doing everything right by my baby that I didn't enjoy it as much as I should have.
Have you considered doing a part-time job, even just a few hours a week to get you out of the house and earning a bit of pocket money?

yep, definately looking into it now so fingers crossed. I know exactly what you mean Gateau about being consumed by anxiety with the first baby, from what I gather, this bit at least is easier with a second one

I've just gone back to work part-time after nearly two years off (having been made redundant after 1 year's mat leave). I worked full time before and part-time is a very happy medium, but I'm just bored with everything. My husband is lovely, helps out loads, kids drive me nuts, but essentially good etc. I just find myself craving excitement or finding myself in the position of 'is this it'? I keep thinking about having an affair, but know its not the answer and there isn't anyone anyway. Its awful!

i'm sorry you feel that way. it is often not about finding activities to do but more about finding the right type of adult company.
the NCT is a good bet in that respect - just doing the coffee group with other mums rather than taking on a role in organising events.

i felt that i was not getting anywhere with dc2 when he was around two, as he was not talking much or eating enough and i did fleetingly consider going back though never did. however, i had very few low points during those years as right at the srart, i met a gorgeous, cool, intelligent dad at Parent & Toddler Group who was actually quite famous (although i had to google him to find that out as i don't know much about live bands and youth culture). he would turn up a few times in one week, only once a fortnight at other times, and tell me stories about the countries he was working in, the people he had met and the hotels he had stayed in and it really ensured that the world stayed interesting for me. I suppose that we did admire one another a lot, but nothing more - it gave me the emotional intimacy i needed at a time when my dh was impossibly busy and overworked. he no longer lives around here but i still smile when i remember him and shudder to think what the early years would have been like otherwise.