help my stepson is a bully need ideas

[poltesco]

hi my dss 13yr has turned into a bit of a bully at school. he was bullied at primary ( no excuss ), he's always been such a caring and kind kid. he lives with his mum during the wk and with us at wkends.
due to the shool phoning and a mum in their village ring us, because his mum dosen't seem to be taking it seriously and just grounding him which doesn't seem to effect him. he is coming to stay with us to get it sorted.

last term he was phyiscal with a yr7. we had him to stay with us apolgise to the lad and write a letter to the lad and his parents to apologise. dss behaviour improved 100% so at end of term he went home , school holidays and 3wks of school and here we are agian with dss being the ring leader of verbal bullying to a yr7.

it can't be that he is trying to get his dads attention as he hates having to stay with us term time, as we are vy strict comparred to his mum and stepdad. both homes are happy and stable.

i don't want to just ground him and take all electricals of him i really want to make him think about what he is doing and the harm he is causing, i'm thinking of making him right an essay on bullying but really need some help with ideas for it.
all ideas very welcome not just for essay but other ways i can make him see what he is doing is wrong!!!
there is so much advise out there if your kid is being bullied. yet i can't find any for parents of kids that are bullying!!!! HELP HELP

Try Kidscape - google it - their should be lots of advice on there. HTH. He clearly needs help - is he happy in the new school? What else is going on in his life ATM?

3littlefrogs- this is he's 3rd yr at the school he seems happy there all he's friends are at that school. i've tried google and not really come up with much actual advise on what to do!!

mrsjammi- sounds like you had a real tough time of it, glad it all came good in the end. dss has never been physical or verbal with us. i know that he can be a bit of a challenge at home but not physically.

Sorry - just come back to this. What does his teacher say?

www.kidscape.org.uk/parents/mychildisabully.html

I haven't read this book, but it might be worth a look. I found kidscape quite helpful some years ago.

just to update have got dss to sit down and write very truthly to some answers on the reasons he bullies, how it makes him feel before and after, hows its affecting him and a plan of action to change!
it was explained to him that this is not a punishment but a chance for him to reflect on what has been happening. so far so good he is really thinking and opening up!