has anyone ever successfully forced the issue??!

[dot1]

sigh... our ds is 3 1/2 and is still in nappies. He knows when he's going to wee and poo, now asks to be changed after each wee because he doesn't like it in his nappy and is driving us MAD because he refuses point blank to even try using the potty or toilet. We've done everything to try to get him trained - star charts, chocolate jar, promises of new toys, tickets to see Thomas TTE etc.etc. But we're reaching the crunch time where he's starting pre-school in September and needs to be dry during the day! He's incredibly bright and thoughtful and has told us he doesn't want to be a big boy, he wants to stay a baby and so will never wear pants.

So, we're thinking about going cold turkey in a few weeks time and basically telling him one morning that that's it - no nappies - regardless of how much he screams, tantrums etc (and he will...). Has anyone else ever got to this stage and has it worked (quickly....!!!)??

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THis is a really encouraging thread for us atm. Ds is 2.8 yr and has been in pants during the day for a couple of months.

Like Elliot says (thank you thank you thank you!) we're basically managing him and telling him when to go. But it means I have to be in the room with him constantly and watch for the wiggling and crotch grabbing!

He point blank refuses to ask to use the toilet/potty. His latest catchphrase when he's wet himself is "Mummy, my pants are nice and dry so I don't need to sit on the toilet."

I guess he's trying to please me by saying what he thinks I want to hear, but it's sooo frustrating to still have a couple of changes a day at this stage.

Everyone else I speak to is surprised he's not taking himself off to the loo by himself yet to at least asking to go. Even those toddlers who can't quite make it in time at least have the savvy to do/say something before the flood gates open!

argh argh argh.

You sound as though you approach it very much as I do, alibubbles, except you do so earlier than I do. Also, you must not find it too stressful whereas I dread the moment when it comes. I can only reiterate, I wish I had you as my childminder so you could do the hard work for me!

mcmudda, have you tried out and out bribery? say to him, if you go by yourself, you can have a chocolate? That is what I did all along the potty training road and it worked for me. But I know some people don't like bribery...

LM - I'm all for a bit of bribery

We started out with a chocolate button for a wee and 2 for a poo - then a star chart - then a chart with happy faces - then I had a bad week so the chart started to get sad faces on it which really distressed ds then gingerbread men for keeping the same pair of pants dry all day.

But maybe I should move it up a level and reward for asking? The four times he's asked in 2 months, he's had a teeny accident and them stopped himself and told me "I've done a wee in my pants, but it's alright it was an assiggent" (!)

Yes I meant reward him for asking. Keep the steps very small so he has a chance of succeeding.

assiggent?

Oh accident. Sorry realised just as I posted!

bribery a no go for dd2.

we had a jar of maltesers in the kitchen for 2 weeks until dh cracked and ate them all

His language is good isn't it? My ds3 is 2.4 and can only just put the occasional two words together eg Daddy work (daddy is at work) and, yesterday, we were all delighted with Doc Who!

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LM - his language is really excellent which is why I'm sooooo frustrated at his bizarre lack of progress.

He knows exactly how to communicate things he wants or needs and has a good concept of time (before/after/later etc) and waiting for something. But instead of a simple "I need a wee" I get a whole essay on why he didn't need a wee and could he have some nice, clean dry pants please?

(Lol at Doc Who dh is an addict and was most delighted when ds shoved a washing basket on his head and shouted "exterminnidate!" at him.)

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ah, alibubbles, that's a relief - I was beginning to think I must just be the world's worst potty-trainer

Pondering on this some more (specifically whether you can encourage earlier training or not) I think I do agree that there is an element of learning about it (not just physical readyness) - so if they are given the opportunity to train earlier then they will.
I think I am probably also not totally accurate in my recall - ds1 did occasionally tell me he wanted a wee, or dash to the loo (invariably too late!) but he really wasn't very good at it at all. Perhaps if I had been more tolerant of accidents I would have just let him have them, without 'managing' his timing so much. But I am unconvinced he would have learnt quicker - it just seemed to come with time. he still does have lapses (he's now 3.5), and there are still things that I don't understand - often his accidents are less than an hour after he's had a wee, yet on other occasions (notably, when it really matters like he's in the car) he can go for 3,4 hours!

Mcmudda, your ds sounds like my ds2. He also had amazing verbal skills very young and would have gone off on a long winded explanation of why he failed to do something rather than remember to do it in the first place. I think that is a sign of intelligence actually. I don't remember having many difficulties with potty training ds2 though (he was 2.8 - 9) but about a year later (maybe even 2 years later) he went through a phase of failing to get to the loo in time because he was too engrossed in something else. In fact, only yesterday, he wet his shirt (!) because he didn't get to the loo quickly enough (and he is now 7.5!)

Hi Dot1......just read this thread and I have to know....did you try forcing the issue and if so any success? I'm going through exactly the same thing with my ds1. Same age, same temperament, and same Peter Pan complex. Impervious to bribery, distraction, any kind of positive reinforcement....there just doesn't seem to be a way in here! Only problem is - he's holding out on all fronts....refuses to feed himself (except finger type foods), won't give up his dummy and still sleeps in a cot. Don't quite know which to tackle first.....!!!

I'm intrigued by this thread, my ds is only 9 months so it's not a problem at the moment. But it's so interesting the not wanting to be a 'big boy' thing.
Do your LO's say what they don't like about being big, or is it quite a generalised fear?
Do the boys see their daddy peepee to get the hang of things so to speak?
I'm wondering if there is anything about being 'big' that they do like, that could be an incentive/bribe, for when they stop being 'little' and wearing nappies.

LOL at some of the replies on this thread.
My dd insists that she prefers nappies because 'the pants do wees'. She says, 'oh no, don't put those on, because they will wee on me.'
It is weird having a child that can talk really well and understand so much and yet resists toilet training. I think sometimes they are afraid of it because they are hanging onto being babies (another thing my dd says is 'I'm still a little bit little.')

Very interested to read this thread because I'm potty training DS now, who's 3, in preparation for preschool in two weeks. He's learning to do wees in the potty or toilet but refuses to do a poo. He keeps telling me he'll do poos in the toilet when he's 'older'. We've had quite a few accidents but are persevering. I find that good old bribery works quite well. Smarties for wees and a huge rainbow lolly when he does a poo in the toilet (the lolly has yet to come out of its wrapper). DS has his eye on a Willy Wonka chocolate maker and I've told him we can buy it when he goes a whole day with no accidents. Fingers crossed!